It is my understanding that as long as a third party is involve that the third party is in the driver's seat. If this is the case, what does one do while the affair is going on fully knowing that the spouse is having sex and all other stuff with someone else? Is it a good idea to take matters into one's own hands and attempt to contact third party to dissuade them from staying involve with the spouse? One thing that I do not understand is the wayward spouse lies and lies and lies and think that the other spouse does not not have common sense to figure things out. Is that stupid or what? To be honest with you, I would love to punch the third party's lights out, but I know it would not solve anything but get me put n jail. Are there ways to intercede in the affair while it is occurring? Has anyone use the tough love concept of allowing the spouse to leave and stay with the other person?

Hi Petvet - you can't really stop the affair, your wife has to do that. Anything like you suggested will only drive them further underground, and more into each other's arms. Beside's getting you thrown in jail.<p>The tough love approach you talk about is called plan B here. Before that, it's suggested that you do several months of plan A, which is building a foundation for your wife to come back. More information here, and for plan B, and finally for plan A<p>Oh yes, sometimes the wayward spouse thinks everyone else is stupid. Be warned, they go ballistic if their privacy is invaded.<p>Good luck,<p>- Tom

PetVet,<p>With all due respect to tmmx, Plan A should only be embarked on if WS meets certain conditions. Re-read the relevant sections AGAIN. In the face of an "up yours" attitude, Plan B is called for.<p>Throw her out, move out, start dating, WHATEVER. Let her have what she wants, ( all except her cake AND eat it ).
Be calm, restrained, and in control. Oh yeah, and be strong. Please don't get thrown in jail.<p>Fasten your seat-belt, it's one HEL of a ride!
Good luck!<p>muzohead