It took me about 3 weeks but I finally signed the D papers. I had to make sure that it felt right before I did it and that the papers said what I wanted them to.<p>Also, my stbx H told me the other day that he is going to start dating. I wasn't too shocked because I knew it was coming, still hurts though. He told me a while back that he was talking to a OW at work because she was a good listener. Right there I knew. Sooner or later this will turn into a relationship. He says that he and this OW never did anything and still haven't done anything and there is a big part of me that believes him just because of his behavior when I am around him. But, I can't deny now that this OW is partially responsible for the break up of our marriage. My stbx H walked out on me and my two children (2 & 6) and our marriage of 8 years and said he wasn't coming back. He filed for divorce. I feel now that this OW that he has used as his confidant is the reason why he doesn't want to come back and filed for divorce and wants the divorce to go through quickly. We are still legally married and anything that goes on now before the divorce is final is still an affair in my opinion. He is on the rebound but that will be his problem to deal with. It is like I am really starting to see everything around me and the pieces of this puzzle are starting to fit together. He told me that he wasn't happy anymore and that he didn't love me anymore. You can't just fall out of love. Of course he wasn't happy, he found someone else that he was starting to build a relationship with. Would that not be considered an affair, even an EA? This really makes me stick to my guns and say no, absolutely not, you will never be in my life again. I do have to admit that those that have been around him and me have said that I am much happier than he is. I have been really concentrating on myself and my children and the progress I have made since he left in August of this year is absolutely remarkable and I know that I will survive. I truly feel sorry for him and especially for this OW because he has turned on the charm and she won't see the real him until later. She can have him, I am done.<p>Well, thanks for listening and any comments would be appreciated.<p>Kathy

WOW!<p>You seem so strong!<p>There is really no indication of pain in your post....and that kind of worries me. Are you hiding it, or do you really feel nothing? I WISH I could feel nothing! <p>Your H is typical of the WS's I see here, but you are not typical of the BS's. You are incredibly strong. I commend you and wish you well.

Nina too-<p>Thank you.....but I can't say that I have always been strong. My parents and my friends have been right by my side through out this ordeal and I started going to counseling right after my H left (within days) and I am reading everything I can get my hands on. The first month after my H left was very, very hard. There were lots of tears and lots of anger. My two boys are keeping me strong. I have their best interests at heart as well as mine. There is pain and hurt but I am working through it a little bit at a time. After I got through that first month with my sanity still in check I decided that it was time to go ahead and start re-organizing my life and priorities. I also admit that since my H walked out I have prayed every day so many times I can't count and the strength I feel is overwhelming. Since August I have had quite a few prayers answered and I feel stronger every time. Right now is one of my high points, even after hearing from my H yesterday that he is going to start dating. I am not going to worry about him, I am going to live my life and raise my children. I can see that me and my children are better off with my own eyes and the peace I feel is absolutely wonderful. I have high days and low days but I am truly thankful for what I have even after everything that has happened.<p>Kathy

pardon me if im grabbing at straws here ...but it sounds like you already didnt LIKE him<p>did you have anything left in common? i ask because of how you describe him as showing his "charming side"<p>it could be that he had lost that charm thru years of being unhappy? and you are ready to let him go so fast because you already had a feeling it was over deep down inside?<p>just speculating here...i know someone in a marriage just like the one i described, he is afraid of hurting her by leaving...but i suspect she wants out too<p>isnt it sad when people quit talking?<p>i wish you well [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>you are definatley better off without him if he can leave so easily!<p>im sure there is more to this that you havent said so i could be way off here...<p>just stay strong you are dead WAYYYY longer than you live this one life [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

soulmate11-<p>I admit that I begged my H to stay and to work this out and it was to no avail. I immediately seeked counseling, my feelings were overwhelming. I have started to really see inside the relationship my H and I had and it broke down a long time ago. My feelings were not as strong for him as they used to be, I think I was scared all this time to leave and be on my own. Now, the peace at home and with the children and my own family makes me believe it was the right decision to not fight anymore and ask him to come back. I am in therapy for mental, emotional and verbal abuse-----things I really didn't see until after my H left. I just figured this was married life.....I married at 19 and knew nothing else. Now, I know better and I will never settle, I want it all. If I can't have it all, I will be single for the rest of my life. I am coming to terms with this very slowly but I want to be happy and that is in the best interests of myself. I still have some feelings for my H but I am seeing that the love has died over the years....he has still hurt me but I know that I can move on without him.<p>Thanks for your comments! That was a different insight that I hadn't really heard yet.<p>Kathy