Today (23rd) is one year since I found out about A. (That's A1, or 4, remember.) I can't believe it...<p>I have only just woken up, so I am not sure how I feel yet. But all week I have been dreading this day. Guess I have some things to get through.<p>How do you get through the bad anniversaries?

Hi Jacky,<p>I've been thinking about you and praying you're doing ok. I wish I could make these days easier for you, but I think all we can do is get through them. <p>My prayers are with you and your family,<p>SAU

Thanks SAU,<p>I am more awake now and huge waves of emotion are overtaking me in cycles. I am stuck on anger at the moment. That someone else can make me feel so bad about myself...that no matter what you do sometimes, it just isn't good enough. I hate that.<p>I am getting there. I know it wasn't anything I did or didn't do, but it is in my mind because he blamed it on me. <p>I have thought of those famous words all the WS's say, that he never loved me, etc, etc, and as time goes on, I am believing that more and more.<p>Life sucks sometimes.<p>My kids and I are doing well considering, and they seem happy. I have some baggage to get rid of, and I am finally going to see a counsellor. Life goes on.

hi jackie good to see you back, you will get through this day the same as you have got through the other 364. It is a holiday here in USA and holiday's are tough, but with the help of this site and the people here I will make it also. Take care of yourself

Jackie:
I haven't posted in quite some time... Just wanted to say.. Today was a MAJOR anniversary for me also. I never thought I would say this...But today was great. Granted this is a big holiday in the US... I actually enjoyed it. Never thought that would happen. Look forward to happy days again. <p> Really no other way to put it. I am very sorry that I will be divorced (formally) come Monday, but I KNOW that better days are ahead. Keep your chin up. Things to get better despite what it seems like today! <p>Amanda

Hi Jacky,<p>Welcome back.<p>It is a holiday in the USA, but hey, it's an infidelity anniversary for me too.<p>But, it's been 3 years for me. It's a little too late now for you, but on these dates I always allow myself a few minutes to do a mental run-through. I usually do it in the morning and get it over with. If I don't do this, allow the feelings to happen, I find myself anxious and down the entire day or for days after. After my "mental", I pick my head up high, smile, and drop it. If I find I need to revisit the feelings I actually schedule myself. I'll catch myself feeling bad and think hold on, enjoy right now, deal with this tonite at 7:00 in the shower. <p>It's time I take for me, it's not pretty, but it keeps me sane. Often I come to my scheduled time and think how silly to let "that" still bother me, life's short.<p>Other thing to do, when you're ready, is take this date and do something that replaces the memory with something fantastic.<p>
Love and Light Right Back at You !!<p>
V

Thank you friends.<p>It is almost the end of my Friday, and I think I got through it okay. I had a very good friend help me through the afternoon, and some IM buddies, and I kept pretty busy in between.<p>I guess I was surprised at the intensity of emotion I could still have for a day that occurred a year ago, but it was okay, well, as best as it could be. Jabber was right, I got through the other 364 days of the year with this knowledge, one more day isn't going to kill me.<p>Thanks again.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Hey Jacky,<p>I appologize for not posting sooner on your thread.<p>I've been pretty "down" myself the last couple of days. Thanks again for your post on my thread (which S&L = Unrepentant Adulterer trashed). I was feeling pretty good Friday morning when I made that post - and was very dissapointed that I didn't get the response I was looking for - from betrayed husbands especially and from Happy_Husb.<p>I haven't seen W for two days now. I did talk to her each day just a little bit.<p>I feel even worse because I STILL HAVEN'T BEEN TO SEE MY MOM. I have some block about it now. I feel depressed, and I don't want to talk to her about my problems (she doesn't know at all), but I'm going to have to tell her sometime, I suppose.<p>My brother was here Thursday and he had been by to see Mom - said she didn't want to eat and he had to give her a pep talk. The nursing home called today on my cell phone (which W has) and left a message that Mom wouldn't eat and somebody should come and cheer her up. They also called here and left a message. W called me and passed on the message from the cell phone. But I felt so lousy myself... I tried to call W and arrange to take the baby with me to see Mom. I know that would light Mom's fire! Finally, I got ahold of W late - maybe 7pm. Her old roommate, who was also maid of honor in our wedding was there. W said I should call in the morning and we could take the baby to see her grandma. I know that will help a lot, but I feel guilty for not going regularly. Why not every day?! I haven't been in 6 weeks - since W bedded her OM. I don't think I will ever tell Mom that W did that - because then Mom will hate her - and I don't want that. Momma bears are VERY protective, you know.<p>So, tomorrow (our Sunday) I hope to take the baby (and maybe W) to see Mom.<p>The last two days I have done nothing but watch TV, web-surf, drink coffee, watch TV, web-surf, eat, and so forth between TV, Computer and kitchen.<p>I know that this anniversary really got you down and dredged up all the old hurt and anger. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you have your kids there and a friend too.<p>The holidays here are pretty tough too. At least W was here for 8 hours on Thanksgiving. I don't know what shape I would be in if she wasn't.<p>I remember 4 years ago - the year before we married. W had two teeth extracted on the day before Thanksgiving. I took her to the "oral surgeon" and pretty much carried her out to the car - since she was knocked out for the procedure and didn't come around completely in the allotted time. I took her home that day to the place where she was living with a family. They called me later that evening - because they couldn't get her up at all - so I went over and tried to encourage her to get up and drink something - water at least. The next day, Thanksgiving 4 years ago, she called me up and said she couldn't eat anything because of her mouth surgery and wanted me to help her hunt up a milkshake. I drove around with her looking for a place that was open. Even McDonalds is closed on Thanksgiving, so we found a grocery that was open and bought frozen strawberries, milk and ice-cream, came back to my house and I learned to make stawberry milkshakes. So, for our whole marriage Strawberry milkshakes were something special between us. Whenever she would be angry with me, I would bring her one - even if she had hurt me. Not only when she was angry but usually almost every day I made her one.<p>She doesn't make them for herself at her apt. This Thanksgiving, I had bought the requisite ingredients, but forgot to offer her one while she was here. Maybe next time she comes over. <p>It's is these kind of memories that make holidays painful.<p>Next coming up - our third anniversary in a few weeks - a few days before Christmas. I can't imagine what it will be like.<p>Sorry to go off so much on my stuff on your thread, Jacky. I know you are hurting on and around this bad aniversary, but I know you will pull yourself together (already have!) and charge ahead.<p>-AD