I am having a hard time understanding how a man can say he loves you, for fourteen years and treat you like crap and when you finally have enough strenghth to get out, they try to say they will change, do, be anything to get you back, but you need time, and during that tiime he see's other people (6) that I know about, I wanted him to take the time to get his priorities straight and all he has done is make it more impossible to fix it? Whats up with that ? He begs me everyday to come back but does this? We did all the books tapes counceling you name it and all I get is a slap in the face??? I am beside myself help!

Kim10,<p>Welcome to MarriageBuilders.<p>Well, now that I've said that. I just noticed that this is your first post on the forum and nobody had replied to it for about a day, so I guess I'm it.<p>Your situation sounds not too uncommon, actually.<p>Your husband is probably afraid and confused. Dating other women helps him regain his self-confidence. It is not a good thing in this situation, but I'm guessing that this is the reason. It's his way of saying "I can live without you" - which coupled with his other message, "I want you back", might be calculated to cause you to come after him because you know he wants you and you are afraid of losing him.<p>Now, this is only my guess. I know almost nothing about your situation - about how you got to this place, or what exactly you mean by "treats you like crap" (there are many versions of this). So, I don't guanantee my accuracy at guessing.<p>So, please tell us more about your situation, and certainly by Monday - which should be a much busier day on this forum, you should have some ideas from other people.<p>Meanwhile, as long as he is begging you to come back, you are in control here.<p>-AD

Thank you for your reply, It looks like you were the only one. My situation is very simple I gave everything I had and he gave zero, and he never seem to understand you can't date other women and be married, at least not to me. He is a mess and I just want to try and understand what I did to deserve this kind of treatment, If this is love I don't want anything to do with it. Thanks for caring ! <p>Kimberly10

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Kimberly 10,<p>Congratulations for taking control of your life for the sake of your three kids. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I commend you for putting yourself through school with kids. I am doing the same thing. I was in a similar boat like yours: husband thinks that you will tolerate anything he says or does because you "love" him. That isn't love, that's foolishness. I am seperated from my H because he chose to abandon me and my 2 children 4 days before the rent was due. Now that he sees that I don't ever want him back in my life, he wants to go to counseling and is begging to come back home. He thought, just like your husband did, that I couldn't make it on my own without him. However, he as eaten those words just as I told him he would. He is upset because I am in control of my finances and happiness, not him. He is miserable, just like your husband. That explains why your husband is seeing other women. He wants them to feel sorry for him because they don't know the entire situation---they only know what he is telling them. You have decided to cut him loose and let someone else deal with his ways. He is hating it. My H is hating this, also. My H thinks that I could be out here starting to date, so that's probably what he is doing. I guess he wants to beat me to the punch so he won't feel so hurt. However, I am not even thinking about dating anyone right now. I don't need another man as a crutch to get over my H and situation. I am strong enough to get through this on my own, with the help of friends and family. I am glad that you have the strength to move on. Your children deserve to see what a responsible father is and your husband has no intention of letting them see that in himself.<p>Don't turn back now. You've come too far in finding yourself. Good Luck. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

you started very young ..<p>there is nothing inherently wrong with that except it really makes it hard to grow before you marry.<p>its entirley possible that by the time you realised what was important to each of you you had been married for many years ...<p>if you want to work this out it will take a LOT of loving and wanting to be a family, but it sounds like he has been emotionally abusive <treats you like crap> and that is really hard to get beyond...<p>i personally gave up when i realised that it was a way of life for him and it wasnt going to change<p>HE wasnt going to change , and neither were my issues of being respected and loved for WHO I AM ...and not who he had thought i might change into <knew each other 13 years before M><p>the "dream" is wonderful , but i commmend you for seeing it for what it is <if indeed you do><p>death is MUCH longer than life so LIVE , let the kids see happiness and not <being treated like crap> they WILL emulate <UGH> <p>and much luck on getting to where you need to be to be happy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Marriage? When I think of the word, I think of the day that my x-wife and I were married. I believe it should be a lifetime commitment, to your spouse. But, I now know that is a misconception we anticpate after we say "I do". Such, short powerful words, I do, I take you ti'll death do us part. I hate divorce, and I sympathize for everyone who has gone through it. It has been since June 30, since my wife and I have been divorced. I, unlike you find myself weak and vulnerable. I feel like the better half really isn't there anymore. Your husband has made mistakes over the life of your marriage and is totally unfair to you and your children. But if you really have love, which is almost impossible to not have after so many years of marriage, then why not give it one last chance. I am in no way choosing sides, but love with a person, you can only fathom the idea of bringing children into the world, in which you brought three unreplaceable treasures, why not try. Help your husband, see if he has anything really left to give to you. See if he is genuine, about his pleas to get you back. I might be completly wrong, and out of line with my reply, but it is so hard, after divorce. I think the idea of divorce is gross.... I hate how I feel right now, I miss my wife so much, and I feel betrayed and I just hate to hear of divorce. I am sorry

dear going..just posted to in another thread [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>divorce IS gross [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
but realising that this is NOT it is also a form of self realisation tho hard , important , if one of you is not happy, then the whole marriage dissolves if you cant work it out as a team...<p>this IS a team sport :0 <p>i waited till i ws over thirty to marry , and 13 years of relationship, you would think we KNEW each other wouldnt you? hindsight being what it is....<p>i never got EN met, i guess he did because he was happy as a clam while he ignored me<p>it was a lack of communication both mine and his that was the death knoll for us , and in the end <as in NOW?> i can NOT even imagine kissing him ...there is only a sort of friendship left
do NOT kick your self, do try if its still something you desire <the marriage> but do it low key because she may be like me and not want you now<p>there is a reason <or a million > that your marriage ended and if you can talk it thru you may discover why,,,IF you can still communucate<p>MOST importantly tho?
YOU did not fail...the team didnt work<p>keep trying if its important , but be prepared to start over , she decided to end it , it will be her decision weather or not to give it a second chance [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
make sence?