Well I am new here so a little advice would be nice. I have been married for 13 1/2 years and about 3 months ago my husband served me with a restraing order to leave the house he put my kids name on this order so i could not even see my kids we went to court it was dropped but he still has my kids.I can see my kids but i want to go home He tells me he wants me to find myself well first of all i know who i am and what i want i feel he is using this as an excuess. He has filed for a divorce and final orders are on 21st of december and i dont want the divorce he tells me he is not real sure if he dose either but he needs to find himself and he needs to know for sure that he wants to be married I feel like he is giving me false hope I know he has been lying to me about things he says this has nothing to do with a any other woman but i know he has been seeing some one or maybe still is. He tells everybody I am crazy and that we are already divorced I know that i should get on with my life but it hurts and im scarred so how do you move on and forget him I have nothing he has made this very hurtfull and pain full all the money and the material stuff is his because i never worked outside of the home and he wants me to start over I am lonely and miss my kids what do i do how do you forget the person you've been married to for many years and why do men like this keep lying and hurting you I am vert confused and very hurt because i love him and want him back. Why? so he can keep hurting me I want to know why you all think that i should do to try and fix my marriage he is not a real strong beliver in the lord but i am and i very angry so please help. I could write about our marriage for days their has been alot of cheating on his part and he dose not think that i know and he is lying about it right now so what do i do and how do i help him change and want me back i did not do anything wrong he says he just did'nt want to be married anymore that is why he serverd me with the restraining oredr and that was the only way he could get me out of HIS house so he says that is what his layer told him Please help why dose it hurt so bad and what do i do..

Hello Lonely Lady,<p>Welcome to MarriageBuilders. Usually there are some more experienced folk who issue the welcome's but I am here just now, so I guess it's up to me.<p>Many of the folks here have been through similar experiences and may be able to help you. But, you're going to have to give us some more information. OK?<p>If you live in the US and have been married for 13 1/2 years I can't imagine that any court would give you nothing - just because you didn't work outside of the home. It just doesn't work that way. Maybe your H told you that, but don't believe it. <p>Now, about the restraining order. As far as I know, in any state, your H has no right to throw you out of the house - unless there were mitigating circumstances. What reason did he give for this? Just "not wanting to be married" is not good enough.<p>Were you violent?
Did you have some habits which he claimed were harmful to the kids such as drinking, drugs, or criminal behaviour?
Did you, like him, have an affair?<p>It sounds like you need some legal advice. Most attorneys will give an initial consultation for free. You said you got the restraining order thrown out of court. Did you do that by yourself or did you have an attorney? What did your lawyer say about you being thrown out of the house? What did your lawyer say about child custody? <p>How old are your kids? How many? Any problems with them? How are they taking this? Do they want there Mom home or is there some reason why they wouldn't?<p>Why do you say it is HIS house. Many states have "community property" laws - which presume that whatever you have is his and whatever he has is yours. In a divorce, each party MAY be awarded property that they owned before marriage - but it depends on the length of the marriage and who know what all else - certainly varies from state to state. Still, you should not be sent away with nothing - in any state. If you are outside the US, I don't know anything about the law that may apply.<p>Well, I've asked enough questions.<p>You have come to the right place. There are people who can help. Just dig in, read all the info on this site (not on the discussion boards, but first read the basic concepts etc.), and ask questions. Hang in there. Many situations like this have been turned around.<p>And since I know you have faith. Certainly don't let up on the prayer. You know, God can take away the anger. He can lead you on a path that will save your family.<p>-AD<p>
-AD<p>[ November 23, 2001: Message edited by: AbandonedDad ]</p>

He told a bunch of lies to get the restraining order. No My kids want me home and they miss me very much as far as the stuff goes he had everything put in his name and signed my name to a docetment saying that i give up everything execpt 10,000.00 dollars Pretty ****ty hugh. I am pretty sure his material stuff means more to him then anything No i was not having an affiar he has been chetting on me for a very long times and not with one person.I did have a lawyer but i could not afford her anylonger i dont have any money. I miss my kids and they miss me and their dad is giving them False hope also he dose not realize what he is doing to them but playing all his games. My son is 13 and my daughter is 7 and he dose take good care of them but he is not mommy.and I cant prove that he signed my name to this docetment it is his word agianst mine. He tells me his has hope that we will get back togother but i need to prove to him some things but he has not stopped the divorce he just made the final orders hearing on Monday so i am not sure why someone says they want to get back togother but keeps going thru with the divorce. Can he divorce me with out me being their I dont think so but i think that he is trying to do that.He is truely hurting me and messing with my mind. So do i try and work it out or do i just forget about him and move on. I know what i want in life and yes im scarred but ill do what i have to. My kids are the most inportant to me. Please help. All advice would be helpfull. Thank you

LL70, <p>Where are you? In many areas, there are counseling centers for abused women and in your case, this is a form of abuse. Please check out the ones in your area. You have more options than you may be aware of. If you have a difficult time with this, let us know. <p>There is also divisions of child welfare departments in each city or county that might be able to lend a hand or give direction. This is not the first time a WS has tried underhanded means. This place is full of experiences and maybe others can chime in. <p>We can provide some support by sharing our experiences and reading some of the books here but you need more than that. I would recommend you look into what services are available in your area. <p>I usually post on the GQII board, the ones on this site will be able to help you also. <p>Take Care and welcome to MB. <p>L.

LL70,<p>Of course, you have no obligation to answer our questions, but since you didn't answer my questions about drinking, drugs, abuse etc. you left me wondering why?<p>I know you are in a very distressed condition, but you are in a safe place here. Nobody knows who you are. You can be completely honest with us. It is the best way to get effective advice.<p>I sense that there is more to this than you have told us. Please give us the information we need to to try to understand your situation and make helpful suggestions.<p>Like Orchid wrote, you might call some shelters for abused women and see if they can advise you on legal issues without cost.<p>Also, where are you living? <p>As I understand it, by leaving your home you have put your H is a stronger position to gain custody of the children. If it is physically safe for you, I think being back in the home - even if your H doesn't want you there - is the best way to preserve your future rights.<p>Keep reading and posting. Today is a low attendance day here. Monday should be much better. I hope you will stick around and get some good advice from ladies who have been in your situation.<p>-AD