I'm in plan B and feel good. <p>WS had complained recently that OM's stbx had called om, complaining " about that b**** you're f******". <p>I was thinking about call om's stbx. To compare notes, timelines. <p>I'm not sure this makes sense. I may be in my own fog.<p>I feel a sense of relief, of justice in plan B.<p>I.e. you cannot treat me this way, I will not tolerate it...<p>
Ws has called 4x today that I know of; using kids as "tools"; to get me to respond.<p>How sad, how sad, we deserve better.<p>I don't want her anywhere near me.<p>
Anyway, thoughts on om's wife? This call would be for me,not to " beat" ws w info.<p>Thanks

Hey if the call is for you, go for it... I do not know if it is good or bad actually, and have not done it, but sure am thinking about it. It would also be for me to know more from the other bs side... but I have already made calls to the ow and she never reacted well to me... for now it is supposedly over, so I am kind of thinking let dead dogs lie... my spouse and I are going to go to counseling now. everytime I called anyone but my spouse, and my spouse got wind of it... about what he did.. he went ballistic and got mad at me over it.... so if you are wanting hyour wife back, maybe not.. she may not like it either... and this may be not the best plan b. It sounds like you care and want to know more about the truth. It may be better not to know --- I read the whole book and many others at the beginning of this mess for me, in sept. and they say it may be better not to know everything... the more I think about it, prob. not a good plan b move, boy would I like to do the same though. I am not ever sure of the other bs first name, and think he may be out of the country actually... from what I have been told, but who knows... it is so frought with lies.... anyway.... I am sick over all of this , aren't you? why hurt yourself more, if you do not have to? Focus on you and come here for support. Call if you want to... believe me I may do the same, but the good that will come out of it, is questionable for your relationship I would think if she finds out about it, and then the two of them... your w and the other man... may feel they both can bond together more against you the enemy... at least this is what one of my therapists told me... when I did something I not proud of to the ow... good luck for all my post is worth!

Family Man,<p> I've played the note comparing game with the OM's wife before and it will likely create more questions for you that it could possibly resolve. A portion of plan B is to have the least amount of influence in WS life. Remember or assume that the OM's wife is not part of MB and is likely looking for any reason to call him and ream him. Calling will likely cause the OM wife more questions and/or expose more of OM's lies. This new found info would undoubtedly make it back to the OM and back to you via WS. So then you would be considered to be meddling in WS life, a big LB. No need to rock the boat right now. Nothing you can learn from her will change your situation today or how you are handling it and the odds are she doesn&#8217;t know much more than you. Just wait until after you are divorced or your WS comes home to get the answers you seek. <p>
JMHO,
HI

Thank you both.<p>One of the challenges of this situation is the ability to think clearly when emotions can run so strong.<p>Sometimes things appeal to me that may not be in the best interest of me or the situation.<p>That is a scary thing.<p>I think you are both right, I will not make the call. I think I'll just continue to focus on me and celebrate the changes I've made. And celebrate life to the extent I can.<p>One of my blessings is the opportunity to use this forum to help guide me when I can't see "the path " clearly.<p>Thanks<p>Dan

HI Dan,
I had that experience and it is DANGEROUS!! I had done a near "perfect" Plan "A" and just the knowledge that I had spoken to OM's STBX emptied the Love Bank!! It caused the first (and last) fight we had during our separation. W married OM about 5 months later. It made ME the bad guy. We have reconciled and remarried since Praise God. But I often wondered how much THAT had to do with us actually divorcing you know? GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK

Family Man:<p>Good on ya for Plan B! This is the most effective Plan with onco-operative & unrepenting WS's.
Just one thing, do it with the same attitude of love for her (on the inside) as your Plan A. resist the temptation to feel vindicated at her misfortune.
Plan A does not equal doormat,
& Plan B does not equal revenge.
Do it with love & understanding, but be firm & resolute.<p>Do not call the OM W, this would not serve any purpose right now. You have no idea how she would respond. Concern yourself with being happy on your own, while giving your W that you are PERFECTLY happy without her, and single life is GREAT!
My advice to you would be ...DATE!<p>Be careful, though, be sure of why you are doing it, and guard against new entanglements. If your W is to return to you, you can almost count on it that she will react to your dating in one way or another. Don't tell her, though, let her find out. (she will)<p>You've shown great endurance so far, no reason you can't go one or two extra miles!<p>I'm rooting for ya!
muzohead

Remember. In Plan B you are NOT single. Whatever you do, DO NOT DATE!. You are still married & this is Marriage Builders!<p>[ December 06, 2001: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</p>