i am having a hard time dealing w the reality of me and h soon being divorced. we were together 10 yrs and its over. <p>he is living w ow and seems to be so happy about it. i am concerned how he could be so sure that is what he wants if he never gave us a real try. is he sure or do you think he has a space in his head where he still thinks of me? i am working on getting on with my life but its no easy. i have such a hard time focusing at work. <p>this was the first thanksgiving me spent apart and to top it off it was our daughters bday that day. he called and left a message to wish her a happy bday and didn't even mention happy thanksgiving or even a hello (i am not to bothered by that b/c right now i am angry with him)he knows it to and maybe that is why he couldn't utter a hello? <p>this is hard but its the best thing (i think ow might be pregnant) that is real tough for me. no one has told me that i just have this feeling. and we aren't even divorced yet how silly could he be after only being with her a little over a yr and not even being divorced yet. a yr is not time enough to consider having a child with someone imo they are still getting to know each other regardless of the fact they have been living together since 3 wks after he left home.<p>i know divorcing is best this is not the first time he cheated (and frankly he will probably cheat on her in time) i am not wishing that but i just feel so cheated how he didn't try to work things out with me but started a new "live in relationship" w someone he works with.they do everything together and how could he be happy with that knowing that he didn't even give his family an honest shot?
how do you go on and feel good knowing you cheated your wife and child out of the family life?or maybe he doesn't feel as good as he is acting and is just doing it b/c he doesn't know any better?
do you think its the fog and he will one day realize but it will be to late? <p>he is the one currently pushing for the divorce when meanwhile when we first separated in jan. i wanted it but he said lets wait
and now he is dying to get divorced?
any insite?

just bumping myself up. is anybody out there

Many here know exactly how you feel. You are not alone. They will respond. Start out by finding one person (pastor, counselor, friend, family), who has his/her head on straight, that you can confide in. Talking to someone is very important. Then start reading the resource material associated with this website.
This problem will take time, energy and resolve in one way or another. It will not be easy, but speaking from personal experience better days are ahead.

I'm tru;y sorry that you're in this position right now. Unfortunately it lookds like I'm headed that way myself. My WH has had numerous EAs during our 9 1/2 year marriage and is waiting until he can file for D in the spring. Now he has a PA and he would rather find someoe new than woek on his own self. I frustrates me that here I am, someone who will love him unconditionally, and yet he would rather have an A - with someone who is married and obviously cheated on her H - and the sad part is they will either not end up together or end up together and not be happy and then one or both has another A. Remember that THIS IS NOT OUR FAULT. It has everything to do with our WS not focusing on their own lives and healing themselves. Reality will set in for your H too, but by then it may be too late. The people our WH's are now are not people we would want to be with anyway. I think we're in love with the way they were or the way we would like them to be. Praying for them is about all we can do, and who knows, maybe there is someone out there who would treat you like gold for the rest of your life just waiting for you. I know it's hard, but we must fight to keep ourselves together, otherwise we've let them continue to have control over us and ruin our lives. It's hard to see the person they are now, but reality is - they've changed - and not for the better. As long as we change for the better then things have a way of working out. I'm still hopeful, but sometimes WH's don't come out of the fog for a long time. And it hurts me to wrestle with this too, but we're going to be ok! K