Quick facts, discovered affair 9mos.ago , spent 5 terrible months in Plan A and 2 weeks in Plan B, H back end of April. Never said he loved me but tried to be patient. Moved 5weeks ago out of state to start over. H went through withdrawl and finally 2 days ago seemed warmer, and almost back to the person that I knew long ago. I was going through boxes yesterday and discovered note to OW written right before moving about the "best gift my H was ever given was the time spent with her"and then a poem he had written for her. They were in an envelope to be sent. I know intellectually things are progressing (or do I even trust that feeling?) and I guess he didn't send it to her(maybe this was the first draft?) but it hurts so bad.For some reason seeing this in black and white has me feeling so betrayed all over again.Someone tell me I'm overreacting and why my feelings are so strong.....I am miserable and can't stop crying. My H has apologized but it doesn't help....LU

You are not crazy. We can get all the facts in the world, but when you are looking at something that the man you love wrote about his feelings towards another woman is the most excrutiating pain. OW sent me all the emails and poems (wasn't that sweet of her). When you write something down, you are baring your soul and it is there always to reflect back on. That's what makes it so hard to get past. I just never thought the written word could have such a profound effect. I still have all of the emails, I know I should throw them out. Actually, I AM going to throw them out. I need to move on and so do you. I guess we both have to take baby-steps.

Hi Trying,<BR> Thank you for answering.....I haven't felt so miserable since the beginning. We were just starting to make progress and I had my guard down and was starting to feel loving towards him and then BAM....it's so hurtful.I think you are right , seeing it there in black and white, carefully written and in his handwriting and so recent is very painful.I think you are right , I need to get rid of them but for some reason I want to keep them? Thanks for your insight , it helps. What a miserable thing for the OW to do, to send all that back to you....Lu

Lu,<P>I know exactly where you're coming from. Get rid of all that stuff. It's not ever going to help you heal.<P>My W took parts of a poem i wrote her when we were dating and e-mailed it to OM as if it were her own. I found the message, but she was able to delete it before i could save a copy. That was in Feb. Now i'm glad i didn't save it. Whether my marriage survives or not, i don't need that garbage in my life. <P>My prayer is for your healing.

I agree that you should get rid of it. I had 634 emails and chat transcripts from my H's affair and I became obsessed in reading them over and over. About 2 months after discovery, I noticed that I really noticed a change in my attitude and emotions after reading bits and pieces daily. If I didn't read them for a couple of days, I almost felt human. So I burned them, erased the files from my computer and got rid of every piece of evidence from the affair. It was hard.....I think a part of me wanted to hang on to that hurt for some strange reason. I guess it was real easy to feel sorry for myself when I had those things in black and white to look at and cry over. I really did feel kind of lost the day after destroying everything. Now I try to live my life with my H without going back to the terrible memories of the affair. I still have days that are tough, but they are getting fewer and fewer. Hang in there.....

THANK YOU all for responding, I feel like I have noone to talk to about this. If I would even mention this to a friend or family they would tell me to leave and stop putting up with it all. <BR> I will take all of your advice and tear them up NOW....I needed someone to tell me that.I don't know what I would do without you all.....feeling better already ......Lu<P>PS. Zombie...634 emails? (But who's counting , right?! )...one or 600 they all hurt.<BR>PSS Nlitend....thank you for your prayers!<p>[This message has been edited by Lu (edited September 02, 1999).]