Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
M
Mitzi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
Never thought I'd actually get to this point! LOL<p>I met a guy about 3 weeks ago. I try to be afraid of a relationship with him, but I can't. I guess my instincts are tugging me toward something that I might be ready for and I just don't realize it! It does feel right. <p>He's a very good man. A little younger than I am (I'm 32, he's 28), has a good job, is divorced, has 2 sons (between us we have 5 boys! LOL)...VERY stable. I'm not used to that! And he makes me laugh, which is a necessity! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We've spent a lot of time together in the past week. I even took him to Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Yes, he's met my kids and they love him. (I know, it's kinda soon to meet the kids, but it felt like it would be ok!) This isn't a case of me being lonely and jumping into something. Believe me, I've had lots of opportunities to date and just couldn't bring myself to do it. He is honestly the first man that I've been interested in seriously dating in the past 2 years! <p>Life is finally getting better!<p>Mitz [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,690
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,690
It's great when you get "that feeling" isn't it ... when your instincts let you know, hey, it's okay! This guy is cool. ;}<p>I had a 'rebound' boyfriend, WAY too soon, and I made my mistakes. Totally in the fog, didn't know what I wanted.<p>Although I started seeing my current boyfriend before my divorce was final, I haven't regretted a move I've made. Some might see it as "only six months" but to me, that's a long time considering 1.) it still feels like we're 'in-love' with all the butterflies, 2.) we've had NO fights, and 3.) my longest relationship [not counting my marriage] lasted just six months ... and it wasn't six GREAT months like this. The first six months of my engagement weren't even this great, and that's NOT a case of me rewriting history. Looking back with that curse-of-a-gift of hindsight, I definitely should NOT have married who I did, because the signs were there before we tied the knot. What I didn't know then ...<p>Anyway, I know you don't need to be reminded, take it slow, and don't settle for less than you deserve!<p>P.S. I can totally relate to the "trying to be afraid" part ... sometimes when I feel particularly susceptible to being overcome with those loving feelings, I start to make a list in my mind of his faults!! heh heh<p>[ November 26, 2001: Message edited by: Princess Buttercup ]</p>

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 327
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 327
Okay Mitzi,<p>You and Anna2000 are gonna be my "dating guinea-pigs"....the people I watch as they begin their re-entry into the dating scene.<p>Like you, it's been 2 years since D-day for me and almost as long since we've been separated. Although my D isn't final, I have been thinking about what dating will be like. I will definately wait (for me, the right thing) until the D is final, but I am enjoying "living" thru it with you and Anna! HA!<p>Some questions:
1) Was it hard to tell this new guy (NG) what happened in your marriage? How did that go?<p>2) Did you feel nervous or were you able to TOTALLY be yourself?<p>3) How about your self-confidence...what level were you at?<p>Tell me everything.... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Aloha,
Ms.O

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
M
Mitzi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
Ms. O,<p>Hmmm...now I have to answer questions! LOL LOL<p>1) No, it wasn't hard to tell NG about my marriage. His circumstances were similar. His wife got pregnant by their neighbor and left him. <p>I told him everything about my marriage and my divorce. He was shocked at all of the abuse I went thru and couldn't believe that I'd stayed but it went well. <p>2) I was definately nervous! He is the first man I've introduced to my family since I was 16! But I am very comfortable with him and able to be myself!<p>3) I'm still working on my self-confidence and self-esteem. But he says he understands that and wonders why I don't have more self esteem than I do. I guess if you've never been told how worthless you are, you won't understand. But he does make me feel good about myself. He compliments me but doesn't over-do it to the point of being nauseating! LOL <p>Got any more?? LOL<p>Mitz [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 327
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 327
No more questions for right now; but I reserve the right to ask more later! HA!<p>It sounds like NG is a winner! But like Princess Buttercup said...take is slow and easy. <p>OH...another question: Is this the first guy you've started seeing since your divorce?<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
M
Mitzi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
Hi Ms. O!<p>You can ask questions anytime! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>This is the first guy that I've seriously dated since my ex left. I went out on a couple of dates but they didn't feel right. I kept finding things wrong with the guys! LOL I keep looking for things that might be wrong with NG, but so far...nothing! I'm not gonna completely let my guard down yet though. <p>I think I've found a winner too! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,832
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,832
Mitzi,<p>You go girl.....just drive slow, OK?!!!!??<p>Happy you are feeling so good, Desiree

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
M
Mitzi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
Desiree,<p>I'm trying to drive slow! LOL Aren't hormones frustrating things?! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 3,045
C
cl Offline
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 3,045
HI Mitzi, so glad to read all is going well!!!
Go girl! Happy Holidays, cl

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
M
Mitzi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
Hi cl,<p>It's good to hear from you!<p>Things are good. I honestly didn't think that I could be happy again, after all of the stuff I went thru with my ex. I can slowly feel my self esteem coming back! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Happy Holidays to you too!<p>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,089
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,089
Hi Mitzi,<p>As usual I've been away far too long. I've tried t lurk but couldn't even find the time to do that.. My life is starting to settle down again in terms of my job, and I have more time at home and less overnights. That can only be good.<p>Your news is fantastic. It has really cheered me up. I needed to read something good tonight albeit a bit after the fact....<p>I'm so happy for you. It/he sounds wonderful. The fact that you can be yourself with him is great. It's also liberating. Liberating in the way of "he likes me for me, so I must be ok". Does that make sense???<p>I know what you mean about dating guys and finding things wrong with them. I've just finished with the first guy that I've dated in 2 years. He only lasted 8 weeks.!!! He was/is a lovely person, but just not right for me. And I know it. So I ended it by telling him that I didn't want a relationship. He seems to think that what we had (in 8 weeks) is so special that he wants to fight for it...... I think that's lovely, but not realistic. He doens't even know me. Not the real me.<p>I think he also may be a little needy!!! Just what I don't need!!!!<p>Now, my turn for questions........<p>how did you meet?<p>was that special 'somthing' there from just about the minute you met him? Something that made you want to see him again?<p>
I think that's all for now, but like Mrs O I reserve the right to ask more!!!<p>I'm so happy for you Mitzi, you deserve this so much. Someone who cherishes you, and treats you the way you should be treated. With respect, kindness and love. And with all that, comes support, friendship, loyalty and togetherness.
Gosh how I long for that. How I miss that....<p>Have a fantastic holiday season (I'm suspecting you will) and keep smiling. You're wonderful you know.<p>love and hugs<p>Jo

Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 184
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 184
Mitzi-<p>Have not been around in a while and was just checking in and saw your post.<p>As the many posts I have sent to you in the past, I'm so happy that you seem to be beginning a new relationship that from what you say...sounds great!<p>Being nervous or a little scared about how things go, I guess, is your spririt reminding you to take care of yourself as you move forward.<p>I'm so happy for you and hope that your relationship does grow and gets nurtured by the both of you each and every day.<p>As I've said in the past...we all need to keep you in our sights as a role model as we all try to move forward and grow.<p>Hoooray for you! Wish you all the best...and the best for a healthy and peaceful holiday and new year!<p>mr r<p>p.s. - How are the kids?<p> [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ December 05, 2001: Message edited by: mrrlk ]</p>

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
M
Mitzi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
Hi Jo!<p>I'm glad you stopped by!<p>Now, I'll answer your questions! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>When I first met Terry, it was thru a mutual friend. Some of my co-workers and I had went out and they introduced us, letting it "slip" that I am single! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I'm really glad they did! Then the next weekend, we were out again, and he was there and asked for my phone number. I was VERY reluctant to give it to him so one of my friends did. I've since thanked her for that! LOL<p>I knew that if nothing else, we could be good friends. We really have a lot in common and our personalities are a lot alike. We both laugh a lot and think WAY too much alike. We even finish each others' sentences. Strange but good! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It's great to know that he likes me for who I am. We talk all the time about important things and about nothing! I'm even comfortable around him in just sweats and a sweatshirt with no make up! LOL LOL<p>Someday, you will find that kind of happiness too! You're a great person and when you're not looking, you'll meet the perfect person for you! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Love,
Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Mr. R,<p>What can I say? You give me way too much credit! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The boys are doing great! Trying to drive me insane but so far it hasn't worked! LOL They also get along great with Terry.<p>I'm glad you posted to me! I've been wondering how you are! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Happy holidays!<p>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,690
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 1,690
Oh, Mitzi, sweats and no makeup? That's serious!! ;P<p>I noticed I still get scared for no good reason. Do you have any of that?<p>Last night we couldn't sleep and ended up talking until about 1:30 in the morning. I remember he said I love you (for maybe the dozenth time), me telling him I know ... I believe it. Told him it took me a long time to believe it. He said it took him a long time to say it. We talked a little about that night he first said it (not the best timing, etc.) and joked around a bit. A little later I told him something else.<p>I said Sometimes it feels like I've come out of a cave, and I was in the darkness so long that I'm afraid of the sunlight. I was upset, trying not to cry. (I was/am happy, but just so emotional, it just overwhelmed me.) I had wanted to tell him something about the past (the suicide attempt and why and what I learned), and my heart started pounding so hard it shook me and he could feel it thumping. I backed out and turned away from him, but he could hear me fighting to not sob and held me and said to focus on the present, here and now. (Wish it were that easy.)<p>I said it will take more than a year to forget the last nine. (Wow it is nice to be held.) I told him there is so much he doesn't know about me. He said he knows I will tell him when I'm ready. (That felt so good. No suspicious "Like WHAT?!" Boy do I cringe and expect the worst at times.) I said I don't feel like I can talk much about what I've been through because of how aggravated he gets (toward X). Somehow I've learned to shut off my anger for the things that happened and what I lived with. I get angry about stuff X does currently, but as far as the past, I guess I just handed it all over to God. Must have worked because I still have the memories but not the pain and anger, not as sharp.

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 710


<small>[ August 08, 2004, 03:56 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,089
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,089
Hi Mitzi -<p>I long for that relationship where I can wear sweats and a teeshirt and no make-up. I have NEVER done that in my married life. I always felt that he would not accept it.<p>What backs that up is today we had our eldest d's swimming carnival at school. He was there, which was great for d. I had youngest d on my lap, we were doing eskimo kisses (you know where you rub noses together) and he told her to be careful because Mummy had a big nose.<p>When I look back at 13 years with this man, all I ever heard was how I wasn't good enough in some way. When I cooked something special (which I love doing and am adventurous at) he always said "that was 'nice' honey" - I might have well dished him up meat and 3 veg!!!
When we were out and I danced with him, he always told me I couldn't dance and he had no rythuym (how the hell do you spell that freakin word!!!) with me.<p>Little things like that. That over time I guess wear you down.<p>OMG Mitz - I never meant to do that to your thread. I've just had the biggest whinge on your happy happy thread. I'm so sorry.<p>What I meant to say was that as long as he loves you for YOU - not what you look like, or what you can introduce him to, or what you can do for him.<p>Then thats wonderful. That's what love should be all about. Doing things for each other because you want to, and because you care. I hope and pray that you will find this with Terry. He sounds lovely. You tell him that who's looking for Osama Bin laden won't be a patch on who's looking for him if he does the wrong thing by you!!!!!!!!!<p>hugs girl and have a great weekend<p>Jo

Joined: May 1999
Posts: 1,323
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 1,323
Hey Mitzi!<p> Didn't I tell ya some lucky guy would snap ya up?

Didn't I,..huh,huh,huh?? [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p> And you didn't believe me..... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p> ~~Murph [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
Murpy - My man!!!!!<p>How are you, friend!?!

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
M
Mitzi Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 3,467
PB and laura_lee,<p>It's great to be able to be myself with Terry. I still haven't been able to find anything wrong with him! LOL LOL I think he's a keeper! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jo,<p>Don't worry! One day you will meet someone who is perfect for you! And no, you didn't say anything that might ruin my thread! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] You deserve big ((((Hugs)))) for how well you've faced your own problems! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
Murphy!!<p>See? I got you to post at MB! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I'm not sure how lucky Terry feels! My kids won't leave him alone! LOL <p>You know you're still my Murph though! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Mitz [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 1,213
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 1,213
Dear Mitzi,<p>I thought I replied to this once already but I must not have sent it properly.<p>I was thinking of you recently. We've both been here for about 2 years, can you believe it?<p>I wanted to pop in and tell you I am happy that you are doing so well. You have come SUCH a long way with your career and everything else, and you deserve happiness. <p>I am in college full time and working full time, and I'm having a good time in life right now, except for the holidays being tough. I don't get much time to come here anymore, but I'm happy to see you are still doing well.<p>Hugs, Dana

Page 1 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (NewEveryDay), 1,357 guests, and 77 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5