Divorced since 11-06-01.<p>H moved into his own apt. (calls it home...)10-29-01. He is pathological liar, cannot believe anything he says any longer after 5 yrs...<p>H has been calling most every day, has driven by my house 3-4 times; has gotten upset when he can't get a hold of me, has asked me to come over his 'home' 2-3 times...<p>He has NEVER come to the front door of my house, NEVER asked how "I" was doing; has NEVER offered financial help (He makes $90k yr) I make $30k..<p>He has not initiated counseling, asked me out on a date, asked to come back, asked to remarry (he was angry about divorce - he strayed for 50th time).<p>SAYS he loves me like no other, is a mess w/o me; cannot 'function' normally, etc., etc., etc. <p>I saw him one time after D - his apt is BEAUTIFUL! He spend so much $ fixing it up - he's SO NEAT AND CLEAN... asked him why he wasn't like this when married... said he didn't know. My house was always IMMACULATE because I DID IT. He was a slob! Never helped w/anything...<p>NOW his bills are paid, his apt is so neat, he's so RESPONSIBLE... very confusing...<p>He keeps calling - he's not a Christian believer, I am. <p>WHAT DO YOU GUYS CALL 'THIS' SITUATION - is there a 'plan' for this?? I've caught him lying 4 or 5 times since D; he's not changing - obviously is content where he's at; not coming back BUT HE KEEPS CALLING AND CHECKING UP ON ME!!! <p>Any, any, any advice PLEEEASSSEEE!!!??? <p>Thank you for any kind of help. <p>Jordan Marie [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Plan H - Harrassment!<p>Run far and wide away from this guy. Look at all the things you said about him...<p>...he's a pathalogical liar
...selfish
...controlling
...can't function normally
...a slob
...lazy..doesn't want to work on anything; want you to fix it all
...angry
...unfaithful
...not helpful
...not a Christian
...not changing
...confuses you<p>Tell him to stop harrassing you or you will get a restraining order. Change your phone number to an unlisted one. Hold your ground.<p>C'mon Jordan Marie....you DO NOT want this guy back in your life. Cut thru any emotion you may feel for this loser and see the facts...as you stated them!! You are smarter than this...<p>(And this from a woman who believes in marriage.)<p>You asked for my opinion.
Aloha,
Ms.O

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Jordan Marie,
Congratulations for getting the strength to move on, to love yourself and to cease being mistreated like you were. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If you both are now divorced, why is he "sweating" (a vernacular term for constantly trying to be with someone) you now? He had his chances to do that all through your marriage. Now that it's over, he feels that he can wonderously change and sweet talk you enough to get you partially, at least, back into his life. Just do not accept his phone calls. I agree with the other person who posted the advice of changing your phone number. <p>He is starting to adjust to the fact that you have a life and that someone better than him can come into it. He doesn't want that to happen, obviously. However, that's his problem. I'm going through a similar situation. My husband abandoned me, our children (7 yrs. old and 4 months) in September and now wants to come back home. He intentionally and willfully did not pay the rent like he has done so since the beginning of our marriage. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. He let his anger for me supercede the well-being of his children, which includes their shelter. That is callous and evil in my eyes. Now that my H sees that I don't want him anymore, he now wants to plan family outings with us, take us out to dinner and spend time together---things he could have done while he was still living with me, but didn't do. He even had the nerve to tell me that he and I needed marriage counseling. Not to mention that I suggested it years earlier and he said that we didn't need it. Now, all of a sudden, he tells me that I am throwing our marriage away by not going to marriage counseling together! Isn't that an understatement?! There is nothing left to save. When I told him the day that he left that there was nothing that he could say, ask or do to make me take him back,----I meant it. Now he sees that I mean it. You will have to stick to your guns the same way. You chose not to deal with his games and ways when your divorced him. Don't let your hard work of finding yourself and overcoming the situation go in vain.<p>Take care and let me know how your situation is going. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

change your number and move on as he should have....geeeez on him<p>sounds like an alley cat to me , wants only what he cant have and once hes got it Pffffft<p>move on be happy gf [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

He wants to come back on his terms. Just say no.<p>If you want him back, Plan B. Learn what your needs are. Let him know exactly what your needs are and tell him you have no interest in communicating if he will not, at minimum, meet those needs.<p>If you don't, tell him so and ask him to stop harrassing you. If necessary, follow up with legal action. He needs to get the hint.<p>Just my unprofessional and often unpopular opinion.