My wife who left approx 2 months has started living with the other man about 2 weeks ago. At about the same time, I started learning to let her go. I still want to work things out with her, but I've stopped pressing her on coming back. Since that time her demeanor towards me has changed quite a bit.
She's been calling me about twice a week and has been much more like her old self than when I was still begging her to come back. She also suggested that she might come see me for Christmas, something she wouldn't have considered before.
Yesterday, she calls me first thing in the morning to tell me she's packing up her car and driving to see me (about a 16hr drive). After a couple of hours, she calls back to tell me she's not sure anymore, because she hasn't told the OM what she's doing. I asked her if she told him she was coming to see me for Christmas, and she said she was telling him she was going to see her family (funny that she's lying to him now). Anyway, her final decision was that she couldn't come see me yesterday, but she gave me a firm date two weeks from now when she would drive up. She said she'd at least be staying for Christmas and New Year's.
One thing I'm happy about is that despite her rollercoaster change-of-hearts, I really felt in control of my emotions the whole time. I was disappointed she didn't come, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
So my question is, is the fact that she's gone from steadfastly against seeing me again to making plans on her own to see me a good sign or just flakiness? She insists that she wouldn't be coming back to fix our marriage, but it sounds like she's trying to convince herself more than me. Anybody have the same experience, and how has that turned out?
Thanks

I'd say.. Don't be a cloths horse. Because cloths never look the same on you as they did the manikin(sp?)..<p>Keep working on you. Lies only tend to get bigger until the truth is out. <p>Be careful. When she does come up/down. BE YOU, DON"T BE HER OLD HUSBAND. <p>Have either of you filed yet? If not, don't give her an excuse to do just that by re-enforcing her preceptions. <p>The other guy will figure this out w/ time.<p>Keep working on you!!<p>Tex.

Tex,
You're right of course about the lying. I actually encouraged her to come clean with him because I don't want to be a part of more deception. Can't help feeling a little happy that he's getting it back, though.
My wife has filed for divorce (a couple of weeks ago), but it won't go final for a couple of months. She called me again today to apologize for jerking me around yesterday, and she can't figure out why I'm not totally angry with her for it. She also gave me dates when she's coming up next month, "in case I still want to talk to a counselor." That kind of blew me away, because through it all she's been absolutely against talking to anyone.
I know counseling is only the beginning of a long, hard road that may still end in divorce, but I'll gladly walk that to know that we at least gave our marriage a chance to work.
Thanks for you post.