RonnB,<p>I just saw a post addressed to me, sorry I didn't respond sooner, I was out of town. <p>I know how hurt you must feel right now. I have some questions for you. I think I asked you something like this before. <p>What are you looking for on MB? <p>Are you just wanting validation that it's all your wife's fault and none of your marital problems are yours? <p>Are you wanting to better yourself as a person so in future relationships or if you get her back if you will have a stronger relationship?<p>It seems like you are wanting support from us and validation that your wife is just wrong, she ruined your life and everything she did is horrible. This is just hurting you, it's not helping you. I or no one else can give you this on here. What we can give you is honest answers. If you stick around I think you may find you will be a better person for it. <p>I am going to be so honest with you right now. You seem so stubborn and pigheaded. Bottom line! You don't seem to listen to anything people say, although as you spend more time on MB I see a little light through your own fog you are in. Yep, imagine that you are the betrayed spouse and you sir are in a fog too. A huge fog of denial.<p>I hope you will stay on MB. This little light through your fog can grow if you let it. I have a feeling you didn't listen to your wife anymore than you listen to us. When she calls I also have a feeling you start telling her how she is ruining your life and isn't being a good mother, if you are doing this, you are pushing her further away.<p>Here's another piece of honesty. You say you worked 60 hours and 70 hours a week and then you went to be alone for a couple of hours only to have her yelling at you for not taking her. You neglected her needs, Ron. I think you starved your wife of attention. I think she became so lonely she couldn't stand it. I think when you left all those months and when to another town to work, she grew as person and realized she didn't need you, if she is going to be lonely she can do that all on her own. <p>I know this is hurtful and I could possibly be wrong but I think I'm getting close to the truth. I also think you remind me so much of my brother in law it's unreal. He is so stubborn and pigheaded he is going to lose my sister and then he'll be posting on MB just like you.<p>Ron, I think you have a chance, a small chance of getting her back, but you are screwing up that chance. I know you are far away from her and plan A will be hard but you could learn and do plan a if you try. If you start giving her validation for her feelings and listen to her when she calls you, you just may see some changes in her attitude. She needs to hear from you that you are making an effort and you are going to try to change to meet her needs. If you don't she'll never come back to you. Maybe you don't want her back, but right now if you get involved with another relationship, you are going to have some of the same problems, maybe some will be different but most will be the same.<p>I have another question. You said your wife hasn't seen your daughter in 5 months. You said "What kind of mother is that?" I am not your wife and I don't know what she is going through, but I want to turn the tables here and ask you this...Have you gone to see your other daughter? She could say the same thing about you, that you haven't made an effort to go and visit her either. You guys are both living in different towns with no money and I am sure the frustration building everyday.<p>Also, something else that concerned me. You talked about her walking around in the lingere she's in and I did not like the way you said these things, you made too big of a deal out of her big boobs and physical attraction. Maybe it just gave me the wrong impression but it makes me feel as a woman that you treated her as your piece of property. I have to say I don't like that. You also said something about her walking around in the silk bra and panties you probably bought her. Which leads to my next question, your statement made me wonder this, "Do you feel because you were the bread winner your money was yours and not hers too?" Just curious.<p>Please continue to post and take my and others suggestions and, yes, also critisisms to heart, with a humble attitude. We only care that you heal properly through this horrible thing you have to go through now. We only care if there is even a small chance of getting your wife back, you don't lose this opportunity.<p>Take care,<p>ANNA<p>[ November 27, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>
