Does anyone have the psychological reason why my husband does the following: Within the past couple of weeks, I have doing quite a bit of home improvement, i.e., redecorating, removing clutter, etc. Why did he comment that all I do is "fix the curtains". And when I do the grocery shopping, I always ask him what he needs. He always replies with, "I don't need anything." So why did he make the comment, "I needed soap. You just shop for yourself." <P>Am I just too sensitive? I feel so belittled when he talks to me in this way. Is he trying to make feel this way because he feels inadequate himself? I'd appreciate any input. Thank you.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Ariel

I noticed that you did not get any replies on your question. You asked for a psychological reason why my husband shows the behaviors that you outlined. I thought that I would take a crack at it. Realize that I am just giving my two cents and any thing I say has been through my experiences and may not relate. <P>Okay, now off to the reasons why your husband may be belittling what you have been doing. I am assuming that the behavior is not something that has just emerged (I.E. discounting a recent change in personality due to medical reasons). My first guess would be guilt. He may be feeling as though he is not holding up his end of the household chores to keep the home running. He may be feeling like you are doing a greater percentage of the chores to improve your surroundings than he is. Feeling guilty about this, he may find it easier to belittle the things that you do. Thus, the percentage of who does what for the home, marriage, family, etc. is equalized. Some people find it very difficult to say “thank you” for all that you have been doing when they are feeling guilty about not doing more. Something you should watch for… Guilt is a very powerful emotion over time. If he sees you doing things and he feels guilty about not doing things in return, he will blame you for making him feel guilty. It seems that humans will blame other people first for everything that is bad in their lives. Guilt is bad…<P>Another dynamic that may be in play here is what he expects from you. Very often we show what we want in what we give. In many cases though, we give what we expect to receive. Make sure that you see and show appreciation for any and all things that he does for the home. This can be tricky… he may be feeling unappreciated and this could also cause this behavior. Look for the things that he has done. Even though you feel that he is acting badly, make sure that you have not done the same thing to him in the past. Small things count!!!<P>Hope it helps. <BR>