My wife of seven years has filed for seperate maintenance (seperation). She has taken off her wedding rings and stated she never wants to live with me again. I do not want this however she is determined to do it with the support of her father. That is he has been stirring the pot for YEARS. However I know that no one can make anyone do something they don't want to do. We have three children but have been unable to work together and work out our problems and quit drinking. The drinking is a symptom of deeper issues and we both know this. I have been sober for 63 of the last 65 days. Only having drank the day before and the day after our seperation. I first must state that I have only drank while being married. When we are seperated I no longer drink at all. There is no desire, or perhaps no reason. We seperated last year at this very time. I stopped drinking, however, she drank heavily. Upon our reconciliation after 6 weeks, we did not seek marital counseling and I began drinking again. She stopped but did begin again. It seems that during our marriage, when I wanted to stop, she started and vice versa. Its so sick. I do no that she has been drinking over the last 5 weeks of our seperation. I don't understand. We both were so flippant about it. Her uncle died at 41 from alcohol consumption, her dad drinks daily, but she thinks that I have the problem as does her dad. They think that you have to have financial problems before alcohol is a problem. He is wealthy and has said that she will receive nothing from him unless she divorces me. During our marriage he has replaced his time with money. He see our family maybe twice to three times a year although he has a house here and is down regularily. He has rejected her requests for dinner. He has hated me more than he has loved his daughter and grand kids. Anyway, we are both Christians. However she says she believes God wants this seperaation, but when asked where we are headed she says "divorce, thats the direction right now". I do not understand this. She has filed for full custody, stating that this is how it should be. I have taken the kids every weekend for the last five weeks plus see them at least twice a week. She also does not want me to fight for joint custody and will not accept limitations on relocation for her and the children. I am afraid she is planning something. She says that she is not moving, but the above to issues were according to her "no negotiable" and if needed she will fight it in court. I have been a good father and husband and love my family with all of my heart. It would devastate me if she took those children away. Needing advice immediately.<BR>RobC

Rob--<P>I'm afraid I'm not much help but did want to respond. I'm sorry you're going through such a painful time right now.<P>Do you still want to reconcile with your W?<P>In the meantime, you've made your feelings on subject of custody clear. Fight for joint custody. You have a good visitation track record. Are you paying support? Most judges prefer granting joint custody. If she is an alcoholic, continuing to drink and not in some sort of de-tox program, that would be to your advantage should you decide to fight for sole custody yourself, although I don't know the rest of the circumstances.<P>My guess is, if she's adamant about having sole custody and saying she refuses to be tied to you location-wise, she's planning a move.<P>Hang in there. Don't let her confusions over what she wants damage your relationship with the kids.<P>Are the kids safe, considering her drinking problem?

Lucks,<BR>thanks for the advice. I must admit, we have both been problemed drinkers and I have been involved in other "things", but have never ever put our children in danger. I never did anything around my children. If I was drunk or otherwise incompasitated, it would be away from home and not around them.<BR>I have changed over the last 2 months and have been trying so very hard. She has said she is not going to move, because she likes the area, her fathers going to retire her and her sister is only two hours away. However, when I met with her and her lawyer the question of relocation was specifically asked. I stated that she could move, but not the children. I'm scared she may be doing this even though she says she isnt. What gives with the wedding ring thing. She wont wear them, but is wearing a ring made from her mothers wedding ring diamond. I am afraid she is just telling me what I want to hear in hopes that I will go along on the negotiation. She has been going to church and doing devotionals, but seems unclear on our future. She says she is not ready yet. She has disconnected the phone at the house and replaced it with a cellular phone. I know she wants to sell the place and I want her to do it too. I'm just confused! She knows I love those kids and am a good father and husband. she even stated it. Any advice.

Lucks,<BR> I forgot to answer some of your questions. First I DO want to reconcile with my wife. I have been paying support plus alot more. When I ask her to work with me on the seperation agreement and state that I have given out of my love for her, she quips back, "youre not legally required to do that and you can do whatever you want." We BOTH abused alcohol, but i have no intentions of ever drinking again. This potential move thing is killing me. I'ma afraid that if we fight we will both be drug through the mud again. She seems to be forgetting the children here!

RobC,<BR>I know how you are feeling,trust me,I came home from work one night going to talk with my H about having another baby and was met at the door with "I dont love you any more and want a divorce" talk about a blow to the head! I want more than any thing to get back with my H but,I tryed begging and wont do it again!!!! we have two children and they miss there daddy very much. we talk on the phone alot and I hope we can get close again whe he comes to visit this month.<BR>I know I didnt give any advice,but I wanted to let you know if you need to talk to some one who knows how you feel...you can talk with me I have a topic that its all we do is be friends and are there to hear the same things over and over again if they need to be said. so if you want you can come gab with us at friends being friend any time! <P>------------------<BR>maybe someday