I have been married to my wife for a little more than two years (we're late 20's, no kids) and one day two weeks ago she told me the following things: <p>1) I don't feel like I'm happy with our relationship, 2) there's somebody at work that I'm attracted to and I kissed him while I was drunk, 3) we don't do enough fun things together and maybe that's because we don't want to spend time together, 4) I'm not satisfied with our sex life, 5) I don't think we allow ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable with each other, 6) I don't feel like there is a spark between us and I feel like there never was. This is a relationship that she very much pursued and wanted in the beginning. <p>I would agree that we had a marriage that I might have called in a rut and lacking passion. She suggested that we see counselor and the counselor suggested that we work on things to work on our relationship. But all those things are irrelevant if my wife doesn't know if she loves me.<p>This morning I told my wife, "I love you and I want to do what is necessary to help make this marriage work if it can, but if you feel that we are not going to have a spark between us, it was never there, and it is never going to be there, then I can't give my love to someone who doesn't want to recive it and can't give it back, what are you looking for here?" <p>She said, "well I do have doubts about us and maybe I should move to my parents house for a bit because I can't give to you now and I don't know if I can."<p>1) Was I wrong to push her in the corner that I did?
2) Should I ask her to stay to continue talking about it?
3) Do most people here think that that this is a marriage that is not worth saving?

{{{Chuckle}}} Big hugs to you. I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this terrible spot. Welcome to MB. There are many great posts for you to read. I believe if you go to the "Just Found Out" forum, there is a post for newcomers. There is much written here about infidelity. It's possible (don't want to scare you) that your W has already started having an A. The fact that she mentioned being attracted to the man from work could just be the beginning of a confession to come. Most of us here have been exactly where you're sitting today, so please know that WE know how much pain you are in. The best thing to do is NOT MAKE ANY decisions in haste or while your emotions are running so high. If your W will agree, ask her also to not make any decisions hastily. If you haven't posted in the General Questions Forum, please do so. There are many more folks hanging out there, and I'm sure you'll get much advice there. For now, pray for patience, guidance and strength. You are at the begining of what is most often a long and bumpy road. My prayers go out to you.<p>MOM [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I have been married to my wife for a little more than two years (we're late 20's, no kids) and one day two weeks ago she told me the following things. . . .<hr></blockquote><p>1) Please ask her to communicate to you from her point of view. the use of WE is a subtle attempt to include you in her thinking, to get you to agree that the house is full of fog. Do not accept the WE statements unless you agree, she needs to speak for herself.<p>2) Do not allow her to project her feelings onto you. She is then making you responsible for her happiness, a no-no, you can't be. Ask her how she feels , but do not let her phrase the response "i feel that you . . . ." that is projecting, and making you responsible for her feelings, or blaming (same result.)<p>3) if she wants to communicate feelings, both of you need to communicate in the following way. "I feel ___________ when ____________ happens." This does not blame the other, but informs the other of the feeling and the cause or incident. Any response is up to the other person.<p>4) ask her lots of questions, dig to uncover why she feels this way (so you have information to improve yourself) read LoveBusters immediately. . . to be sure you are not destroying the romantic love you thought you had. . . If you are, then change immediately (this change is for yourself)<p>Then read His Needs, Her Needs, and try to figure out her needs and be attentive to them.<p>5) When she brings up moving out, tell her you understand her feelings after she lets you know, and will help her move out when she is ready. Tell her you are being supportive towards the person you love. . . . then do not mention it again. Do not ever mention it, just keep up with your improvement of yourself. Do not move out yourself. . . . it shows strength in character, and that you are strong, loving, supportive, etc to an equal adult. . . (do not think of her as a child!)<p>IMHO, with no kids, if you don't have a near perfect relationship, and both are not willing to work on it, the relationship is a formalized going steady relationship. . . . if that relationship can't be sustained, then the stress of kids will be potentially very disasterous very easily . . <p>just my experience (long story, not published here!) from counseling, tons of reading and 15 years more experience in life, marriage and kids.<p>BTW, what is your opinion of her parents and their relationship and her childhood? She will eventually try to live like her parents live and parent, and if you don't particularly like their style, this situation is a big red flag for your future.<p>WIFTTy

Don't throw in the towel on your marriage qute yet. Be sure to read everything you can on this website and find any post by redhat(usually on GQII) and you can link up to the sites for newcomers - they are very enlightening). Take things slow right now and read up. There is alot you can both do to regain the love you once had and to make your marriage even better then it was before. You just need to educate yourself and then see if your wife will work with you. Find hers adn your emotional needs - print out the questionaire once you read up on emotional needs and get started! Good luck! There is hope! K