I have been married 5 years and been with my wife for 9. We have two young children ages 2@4.
15 months ago i betrayed my wifes trust and our vows by sleeping with an old girlfriend. It happened once, it wasn't a long affair. My wife learned of the affair and confronted me. I told her I was sorry and never had contact with the other women again. I realized how much I hurt my wife and we talked about what had happened.
One of her questions was why it happened, and I couldn't tell her because I didn't know. I love my wife very much and i had never betrayed her before or since.
The affair started as just meeting for coffee and talking, she was in a bad marriage and talked about it quite a bit. I wasn't in a bad marriage, my wife is the most caring and beautiful person i know. I realize now that we didn't talk enough and that my wife made the marriage to easy for me, I didn't really have to work at it,she did all the emotional work.
I thought that everything was ok in our marriage and thought we were moving on, I realize now that i didn't change and we still didn't make time for each other, i was willfully blind and thought things were good.
About 3 months ago i noticed a differnce in my wife, she was going out with friends more, coming home late, going shopping more then usual. I talked to her about it and she said she had given up on the marriage, she said she wasn't in love with me anymore.
I checked out different things and learned that she had been meeting another man for the past three months. She claims they just talk and she finds comfort talking to him. Whether or not there sleeping together really isn't the issue. She was sneaking around. She has told me she ended the affair, I hope she has but i know i can't force her to do anything, ultimately it is the results of my actions.
I told her that i was not willing to quit on our marriage, she tells me she loves me but is not in love with me.
For the past month i have been trying to show her how much i love her, we are talking more but she says she is finished and doesn't want to give the marriage and me one more chance. She has convinced herself that she can not ever truely love me again.
These feelings started when she started seeing this other guy. I love her and my children more then anything and i'm not willing to quit this early..............anyone gone through or going through anything similar?
I have told her i will give her space and continue working on the marriage alone for now. She does not want to go to counseling, i am going alone for my first visit tonight.
Any replies would be appreciated.

{{{Bruins4}}}
Welcome to MB. Sorry you find yourself in the position of so many of us here. Please look for the newcomers thread (I think it is in the "Just Found Out" forum. Most of us dealing with infidelity have heard from our WS (wayward spouse)'s mouth "I'm not in love with you" anymore. That's because they are in love with OP (at least they think so). All I can say is if you want to try to restore your M, read all you can at this site. There's a book called Surviving an Affair that offers much help. It's got the principles offered here at MB. Also a book called His Needs Her Needs is very helpful. I wish you all the best in recovering your marriage. As you can see by reading the bottom of this, my M is not going to survive it. Also, copy your post and put it under the infidelity section, General Questions forum. There are many more people posting there, and you're sure to get more responses. My prayers are with you!<p>MOM

Thanks...I'll move it