H seems to be trying a bit to wk on marriage... (acts as if maybe things could eventually work out, but not right now)- I was considering filing D right away to get monies.. my share.. due to his being laid off,,, her is due a 4.5 month severance package in a few weeks... I would like to see my share of this... which in my state is 50% close to $17,000 H has been woefully giving 25% of his money to me for kids..(2)- this is the required amount in my state, texas. It is doubtful that he will give me more than 25% due to fact he says I he does not have enough $ right now... If I file, very likely I will get full 5o%, so I stand to lose approx. 8,000 + minus legal fees.<p>I am unhappy that he is putting me in this situation. He is being very cruel to me in his words, actions, etc. right now.<p>Except.. embarrassed to say I gave in... I wanted to a little... but am not so sure now... and had sex with him a few days ago... my way of present for 10 yr anniversay... which was last wk... I enjoyed but felt bad afterward... he enjoyed and has been talking about fact he enjoyed it... but no promises of coming home or fidelity are in the air... Only an agreement to go to counselor next week and continue... with me to attend marital counseling for now.<p>I am saddened.. he is still fairly critical and mean to me on several accounts.<p>I do not appreciate this, but I also feel like he will try to work things out.. but it is more likely he will do this after he spends severnce money and my part is gone... <p>What do ya'll think.. if I file... I do not want to further alienate.. but feel I should protect myself...<p>Also, is it better to keep him away from me physically while seperated.. I feel in a way it could help bring him closer to me and home sooner--- as this is a big need of H's and I prefer him to not stray (OW Is out of picture for now...) I have already been tested, etc.. but do not feel he is in faithful mode although he has sd he has not done it... with anyone else.. I know this sounds really silly... <p>thanks, so very much for any feedback! Hugs to you guys for reading!<p>Thanks, L
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wanted to add, I now have employment but am working two jobs and behind on bills due to his leaving me.. and keeping 4000 a month versus 2000 a month to me and the kids for last 2.5 months. thanks again.. he is now out of work,, and I do not know what future holds.. he may not get anywhere near as much money in next position.<p>l [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Just know that divorce is a very adversarial process no matter how nonadversarial you try to make it. If you can separate without filing for divorce, that might be better. I understand wher eyou are coming from about WH saying weird things about the money, and having to protect yourself. If you truly want to save the marriage though, use it as a last resort, and try to Plan A before going to Plan B. Make sure WH knows what a good place he has to come home to, otherwise he may never come home. Also in Plan A you should be trying to meet his emotional needs, so the sex is not a bad thing - I'm mean you are still married, and men equate that with intimacy. If there is no OW then you have an even better chance with Plan A because then you can actually fulfill his emotional needs to a point that he should want to fulfill yours, and it sounds like financial security is right up there on your list. Just my 2 cents. K

mylife, thanks for your reply. THis is a hard decision in my life.. but it seems to basically come down to more money during this period and a little less stress to pay bills... in timely manner etc... but I am getting to where I will be able to sqeek by and catch up on bills ... so maybe some extra money at this point is not worth.. alieniating H and possibly losing my family when I would like to have it back.. My H is still acting very difficult... you would think he is almost like a 3 yr.old,, 2 yr. old at times right now...<p>It is like he woke up and sd, I am not happy and it is your fault.. so I will go out to bars, get drunk, commit adultery, start fighting with you, and leave you in the dust. Ha, so there.<p>It is difficult to understand. WHY!!??? Anyway, I do not want to further alienate and want to try to repair marriage...as I do not want Divorce.. so I will not file for now.. I may be sorry later and lose some money, but I am not money hungry, I just want to be able to meet obligations.. I think if H sees me seeing trouble and I am plan aing he will assist me..<p>We have worked together in business before and he is giving me the opportunity to work with him to make money for both of us during this time... he is willing to split profits from our business venture 60% my way and 40% his for now... I may try this approach to get the funds I need for now.<p>thanks, lisa

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by honey:
<strong> ... so maybe some extra money at this point is not worth.. alieniating H and possibly losing my family when I would like to have it back.. My H is still acting very difficult... you would think he is almost like a 3 yr.old,, 2 yr. old at times right now...</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Just remember, the money is yours and he is trying to keep it from you. If you are willing to love someone with a 2-3 year old mentality then you shouldn't protect yourself - but your kids need some stability. I would seriously advise getting your lawyer's honest opinion on what to do.<p>I really don't have any good advice...I'm just worried about you and your situation. I know what it's like hoping for an alcoholic to prove him self different "this time". We set ourselves up for failure when we expect them to act differently while they are still in the grips of addiction.<p>My H is financially irresponsible and we are going thru bankruptcy now because of it.

LEGAL ADVICE - is my advice... check with an attorney and see if there is any other way to protect your interests - then do what you have to do.<p>It's tough love - but you have to take care of your children.<p>Jan