I post from time to time in en's forum, I am so afraid right now because my h is not completely standing beside me for my mil. We've been married 10 yrs, they have treated me like garbage, and we took most of it quietly so he can have his family and I have tried so hard to respect that.<p>I have been told off numerous time, for no reason. They call me a liar??? They tell me I am destroying their family??? They feel I am not allowing h to spend all his time with them, although he works 70hrs a week. They have questioned my 2nd sons paternity because he had blonde hair when he was a baby, the ignored him.
They show favortism with my children. All this I have stayed in the background throughout all these attacks.<p>Mil told me off again a few months ago, she couldn't even say that she wanted our marriage to survive. She began on me again, and I told her she was causing problems in our marriage, did she want that...No response, repeated the question she cocked her head back and said "You're destroying my family". I in the midst of this dispute lost my temper badly and found myself on the ground with my h on top of me. He after 3 mo. wrote her an e-mail telling her that she acted very poorly he wanted to talk about it, she refuses. He in this 3 months has told me that he is by my side and under all the circumstances he understood why I lost my temper with her that night.<p>She didn't call, she wants to forget it ever happened. I can't, I'm not a hateful person, but I have had so much I can't just sit there and be abused anymore. I'm done. My h is now saying I was wrong, and I did have blame but asked her if she is faultless. <p>I am so angry..why is he saying this now..and to HER. He should have spoken with me 3 months ago if he felt that way. I don't feel she is faultless I feel she is at fault. This is destroying my marriage, I can't go back to doing what I was doing in the past. Now I feel so betrayed by my h.<p>Am I crazy, this is really affecting me so badly. He cares so much for them, but it just doesn't feel like he cares for me. Why is he begging for her, he should stay by my side. Now she is calling just to talk to my son (10) and not acting like she wants to talk to h since the letter. She e-mailed him a day later blaming me for everything, and saying she was so great to me. He was there, I can't do this anymore.<p>Has this happened to anyone else here. I am so afraid, but I Know what I can handle in life, and he cannot ask me to do this anymore. Not now, never again he's allowed them to abuse me far too long. He has such wonderful family loyalty but not with me. Please someone help me.

I feel so betrayed, I don't know how to go on like this. I have just been quiet which isn't like me at all. I am the very communicative type who feels that you put things out in the open rather than sweep it under the rug. I am just quiet, we have been sleeping in seperate rooms for a couple days and I am still just quiet. What is happening to me?

Toni 29Again,<p>I don't see how you put up with the treatment by your MIL as long as you did. You should have been stood up for yourself when she laid you out the second time (actually the first time, but I will give MIL a break). She disrepects you because you are letting her. She would have never pulled the crap she was pulling if you would have put her in her place times before.<p>As for your husband, he needs to cut the umbilical cord. His allegiance is to his immediate family, which is you and your children. His other family is secondary. He seems like a mama's boy to me (just like my H who I don't want anymore is). He should have been the one to tell his mother that her treatment of you would not be tolerated. After all, you are his wife and mother of his children, not some bimbo he just met. He should have been by your side a long time ago.<p>You are not the one destroying his mother's "family", he is. By not commanding respect from his mother for you, he has put his marriage in jeopardy. Do you think that there are any underlying issues with your husband such as another woman or that he's trying to take the cowardly way out of the marriage? Please ask him. He could be using your MIL's treatment as a scapegoat for wanting the marriage to end. I don't know, however, that point shouldn't be ignored. I'm sure your H would not let your parents treat him the way that his mother treats you. I'm sure you wouldn't allow them to treat him that way, either.<p>As far as the favoritism goes, you need to set that straight now. If his family can't accept both of your children, then they just don't need to be around them. Children do not need to be subjected to that type of emotional abuse. This causes resentment and anger between the kids for no reason -- all because an asanine adult decided to play favorites. It's morally degrading and wrong. Do not stand for it. I've seen the effects of favoritism with my H and his brothers. It still affects them somewhat when they are grown. I have 2 children (7 year-old daughter and a 4 month-old son) and I promised my self that I would never show favoritism. Of course, each of them have age appropriate needs and I will try my best to meet them. But, to deliberate treat one differently than the other to the point where the other is emotionally hurt, I will not do. I love both of my children separately (for the unique personalities that they have), yet equally (I don't love one more than the other). If your husband isn't going to protect your kid's feelings than you have to.<p>I've been in your same boat at one time, but not so extreme. My MIL was trying to get into my business and had the nerve to tell me that I had a problem. Oh, didn't I lay into her behind and tell her off! I told her that she needs to mind her business in her own home to the man that she has been with for 15 years and never married. I also told her that if her son doesn't want to be with me, why is he begging me to take him back? I also told her never to call me about what goes on in my household ever again for she will be verbally laid out again. She has never done it again since.<p>So hold your head up and do not put up with [I]any type of abuse at any time, place or age.<p>Let me know how things are going.