I feel like I want to die all over again.<p>Yesterday I had to put my two 13-year old cockapoos to sleep. I felt I couldn't keep them anymore. They were old, needing more doctor attention, an added expense (X refuses to help me with them), when I can barely keep up with my children's needs, and I can't take them with me where I'm going when I move. But they were part of my family for so long, so sweet and lovable, their own individual personalities and silliness. They still chased eachother around like they were puppies. Now, today, they're gone. I am so brokenhearted beyond comprehension. Did I make a big mistake, should I have tried harder to keep them? So many what if's but now it's too late and they are gone. By the time I got home, packed their things into a bag, I wanted to run back there and get them back, but it was too late. My boys don't know, I did tell them I took them to a place that would find a home for them which there was no such place around here at their ages. So they feel ok, they miss them but think they'll be ok in their new home.<p>I hurt so bad right now. I feel like I made such a big mistake. Sure it'll save me a few bucks here and there, but now the incredible feeling of loneliness is magnified. I never realized how much those scroungy little loves of mine meant to me. <p>So here I sit with a puffy face again. I feel like I'll never be free of the damage this divorce has caused. And he sits with the OW as happy and justified as he can be. While everyone else around him feels the affects of the pain he's caused.<p>I guess all I can do now is to look forward. I just hurt and miss them.
