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Joined: Apr 2001
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WS went with OM to divorce attorney on the 28th. Possibly prompted by the "Thanksgiving thing"..<p>She didn't tell me, found out on my own. She spends all her time w him; hangs out w his family, kids.<p>Seems to have given up church..<p>For me, I guess it's done ( where's the fork...)<p>I registered on this site on 04/12, first counselled w Steve on 04/14, we seperated on 06/28...plan A until Sept 8th, caved right away, plan B again on Thanksgiving.<p>I did try, but she didn't respond at all...I don't think she ever meant to try; I was played. <p>Don't know how I feel..<p>She never did tell my any truth throughout this...<p>To me, an unbelievable betrayal of trust.. I thought I was a good husband and father..( I guess that was an opinion she didn't share!)<p>I am in plan B( per Steve) , I remember lostva's story. <p>I am angry at the betrayal and lies, and so sad for our family.<p>I wonder if she knows what she's doing.<p>Dan<p>[ December 03, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

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Dan,<p>I was heading for bed when I saw your post, I quickly wanted to respond.<p>I am soooo sorry!!!! I want those magic words so badly to make you feel better but I know I don't have any.<p>You have to always keep this in mind though. Keep your head held high, knowing if this is what she wants you gave it your all. 110% to try to make your marriage work. That's all any of us can do.<p>I see others who discover MB as their spouse files for a divorce or after it's too late to plan A. Often they question if only they would have found MB earlier, would it had made a difference. You should find comfort in knowing, you found MB, you tried counseling, you tried everything in your power to save your marriage. You gave it your all.<p>Even though I found MB after it was too late for my marriage. I do know I gave it my all, I stayed with him through more than most would ever conceive of. This is something I find great comfort in as I go through a divorce. Knowing I didn't go down without a fight. (wheww in my case I should really rephrase that):rolleyes. Too tired to think though so I'll leave it.<p>Take care and I again I am sorry.<p>ANNA

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Family Man,<p>Please don't give up coming to MB (at least I THINK that's what you mean!). You have been growing all the time you have been here, and have been very helpful and supportive to others.......<p>I have a feeling you may need our support for a little more time.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

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Thank you both..
It's hard to think clearly..

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Family Man,<p>Maybe that's because it is the middle of the night on top of everything else.<p>((((((((((((Family Man))))))))))))))))))<p>I am so sorry for your pain right now. It is the hardest thing to know that you did your best, and that it wasn't enough. It makes you want to give up on things altogether....but don't.<p>Gather your strength and use the lessons you have learned here to assist you with the next steps in this situation. There are many here who have been given their papers, only to have them cancelled in the future. There are some who won their divorced partners back, too. And of course there are those who are now divorced, but they live better stronger lives for having known they improved themselves, and did their very best in an extremely difficult time.<p>You have come a long way so far......<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

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dan ,
she may have been gone before <divorced mentally> it was apparent to you, mayhaps before she admitted it even to herself [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>you have done so much to save this marraige, let your self now gain clarity on where you are today :0<p>let your self be better alone , and find the happinees it is to be YOU!<p>and you know? there is no predicting the future, but you may become more attractive to both your self and others <her? who can know dont count on it focus on you now><p>its very hard to accept change unless you are ready for it and few of us are really. <p>i would be willing to bet <based on my own M breaking up irrevocably> that you will find a strength and a happiness you had buried for years , or at the very least discover <again> the core you ...<p>be strong and if its her you want fight quietly for the M,
but look deeply , and be sure you are not fighting for a "DREAM"<p>many hold on to a dream long after the realitys have changed , and never get past that <p>be well, be happy , be you [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Family Man:
<strong>WS went with OM to divorce attorney on the 28th. Possibly prompted by the "Thanksgiving thing"..
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>FM,
I just wanted to respond here and say that her going to div. atty does NOT spell the end of your M. Oh, sure, it's not a good sign, BUT she's still waaaay involved w/OM. You've got to let that thing play out till it's bitter end.<p>That's where I am now, and I'll "hang in" if YOU will!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Remember, it's not over till the fat lady sings and you've got a LONG way to go yet. I hired an atty to "slow the process down" and that's what I intend to do.....my WH THINKS he wants a div. and be outta here, BUT from everything I've read, he's totally following the WS script! Your W is doing the same. Let her go. Give her rope. Give it time. Hang in.<p>That doesn't sound very "inspiring" or anything (even to ME!!) but it's the best advice I keep getting, and I'm following my own advice, so I think it's good enough for YOU, too!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Whaddya say? Can we just hang in there for a little while longer? Can we NOT believe this is THE END just yet? Can we continue to follow the MB principles for some more time? One of my favorite websites to visit (besides HERE, or course!!) is RejoiceMinistries.org.<p>Please, if you haven't been there, you need to go. They BELIEVE God is willing and able to restore any M. I am believing it for mine, and I will pray it for yours, too, if that is your desire.<p>God Bless,
Lupo

Joined: Oct 2001
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Hi Dan, I am very sorry to see that you are going through pain. I appreciate your support of me in your posts to me.<p>My spouse threatened to file again today when I LB'd because his dad paid his rent at his house he is living in... and also his dad gave him furniture and more money to make it through the month until he gets a severance package he will BLOW until he has to find work...<p>My H called me tonight and wanted to know if me and the kids wanted to go on a roadtrip to san antonio? Just needs to get away in order to get out of this town. AGGGHH!. We went to counseling today and afterwards went for a drink... I plan a'd most of that time.<p>Just to say... your spouse if like mine might change from day to day and moment to moment. <p>I do not know what the rules are in your state. But it is very possible that you can get an attorney to DRAG it. I am in Texas, and know this would be my strategy if I filed or he filed.<p>This gives more time. Also keep in mind, it is just a piece of paper, seperating you legally from her with assets, etc. THis may put you in a fairer position when dealing with her if it goes through... and since she is with OM. <p>I do not know if she is living with him, etc.- but obviously INVOLVED. You do not want her like this. I know that, You want her back in love with you and committed to your marriage and lives together.<p>I assume from your name you have kids... how many, what age?<p>I am sorry I may have know before, but do not remember right now.<p>Pamper yourself, if you can afford it go and get a massage. THese types of things always make us feel better. You can even go to a massage thereapist school if one is nearby for very affordable rates.<p>Enjoy your kids if you have them, and do not let this cloud take you away from them.<p>I consulted with several attornies... and almost filed myself recently although DIVORCE, that ugly, ugly word... is not what I want... I considered to protect myself financially... and I was going to say to my spouse: (on attornies advice)<p>THis is not what I want, D, but I cannot accept marriage as it is, your involvement with OW/OM is unacceptable and unless you can change and be committed, etc. (honor marriage vows) this is what I want.<p>Hope that helps you feel better. Realize that she is not being a wife to you now. I know the legal process can make things worse... I am SCARED of it too. My thoughts are if me and my spouse go through with it, I may throw in the towel... since I believe so much in working it out, and this would be ultimate door slamming in my eyes... for me if he did it... <p>My S thinks we should divorce then try to date. HA HA HA! Very funny. Why add more pain to the saga? But, some people remarry and get back together after a divorce???<p>My love and care goes out to you. Try to forgive her, and let go of anger if you have it. Pray for her and OP if you can. God will help you, he is helping me.<p>Lisa [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]


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