My SIL sent me this joke this weekend and because of what Princess Cinderella said on her REJOICE thread, I thought I would post it. <p>The Boob Poem<p>For years and years they told me, Be careful with your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests. So I heeded all
their warnings, And protected them by law.Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra. After 30 years of astute care, My gyno, Dr. Pruitt, Said I should get a Mammogram, "O.K.," I said, "let's do it." "Stand up here real close" she said,(She got my boob in line), "And tell me when it hurts," she said,"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine. "She stepped upon a pedal. I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate came slamming down, My hooter's in a vise! My skin
was stretched and mangled, From underneath my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish Pancake thin. Excruciating pain I felt, Within it's vise-like grip. A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit! "Take a deep breath" she said to me, Who does she think she's kidding?!? My chest is mashed in her machine And woozy I am getting. "There, that's good," I heard her say, (The room was slowly swaying.) "Now, let's have a go at the other one. "Have mercy, I was praying. It squeezed me from both up and down, It squeezed me from both sides. I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, To HER tender little hide. Next time that they make me do this,I will request a blindfold, I have no wish to see again, My knockers getting steamrolled. If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have gone "ker-pow"! This machine was created by a man, Of this, I
have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there, And see how THEY come out.

Try. "Now i've got to bet you to stand in this leaning over position." And it's this leaned back ballerina-like pose. "Now put your right arm over here" and that's around these sharp corners on the machine. "Now take your left hand and hold the other one out of the way." "Now lift your chin and turn it out of the way." "Now I have to take this little paddle and literaly scrape your ribs to get back to the muscle." And, while a corner of the machine stabs you in the ribs, she says "Hold your breath." Meanwhile they have a delicate part of your body literally in a vice.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by sballplyr:
<strong>I'd like to stick his balls in there, And see how THEY come out.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>hey! Hey! HEY!!!!!! Let's leave the balls out of this conversation....<p>You ladies think you have it so tough. Well let me just tell you that having balls is a lot worse than having breasts. Sure you have to get a yearly mamo. But let's just do a little comparing and see who has it worse.<p>1. You never here a woman say "Look at the balls on that one". We always admire your breasts but you do not return the courtesy.<p>2. Outside of pregnancy - Do your breasts ache from lack of sex? NOOOOOO... Do they ache from too much sex? NOOOOO..... Plus you never hear the expression "Blue Breasts" now do you??<p>3. Finally a man can get smacked in the balls hard and it has no effect but if a feather were to land wrong on his balls they would ache for days. Again does that happen to y'all? NOOOOO......<p>I guess I'm just asking for a little respect for my balls and Hey next time you see a nice set why don't you offer a comment like we would to your breasts.<p>
[img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

I knew LostHusband would chime in here.<p>Should we even talk about passing an 8 lb. or more baby through a 10 cm area. This might change your thinking a little bit.<p>BTW - Nice sachel. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Do our breasts ache from too much sex? Maybe. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Depends. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So, Jester, I guess you are volunteering to go see the mammographer! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I will go with you to lend moral support.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>So, Jester, I guess you are volunteering to go see the mammographer! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I will go with you to lend moral support.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>No your Highness I'm just saying that for far to long your breasts have received all the attention. Well my balls are tired of being opressed by the woman and it's time for them to stand up and be counted.<p>one! TWO!<p>BTW sballplyr thank you for the compiment and might I add "Nice Rack" or to quote a gentleman from the classic movie Dumb & Dumber "I'd like to play with the fun bags on the hase hound"

If I weren't so princess-like I might say I have paid attention to those things before - with the right man and at the right time. <p>But that wouldn't be ladylike. So I should not say that.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by LostHusband:
<strong>Well, my balls are tired of being opressed by the woman... </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Oh, sure they are! Like you expect us to believe THAT!

Jester, in order to receive such admiration, you must be willing and expected to submit, on a yearly basis, to a dickogram or a testigram.<p>If you can do that, we might find a way to give you the desired admiration. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Cinderella,<p>Maybe you should have had this info before your ordeal:<p>Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test. And, best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home. <p>EXERCISE #1
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough. <p>EXERCISE #2
Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast. <p>EXERCISE #3
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again!! <p>CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram. <p>Try doing THAT to testicles, Bill!!!!!!!!!!!<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I have tears in my eyes. That's hysterical. I laughed till I coughed and cried.<p>By all means, you should make an appointment with a stranger to do it every year.<p>Jester, are you man enough to keep up with us?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>Jester, are you man enough to keep up with us?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Oh! Yes I am MAN enough to keep up with y'all but for some reason after hearing the horror stories my nutty friends have crawled up into region unbeknowst(sp) to me.....<p>And another reason it's better to have breasts:<p>Granted a properly restrained breast still may occationally get out of position and need adjustment by my Lord ladies them fellows down there got a mind of their own. You stand up and lefty goes over and smacks righty, you reposition and righty gets bored and heads over to play with lefty. And y'all wonder why we're always adjusting.<p>Oooopss One More, I don't see woman constantly itching their breasts now do you? I swear to all that's holly that the Lord put itching powder in male pubic hair.

I have a question related to that last post, Jester. <p>Why is it that they design ladies underwear so that it does not conform to the geography and then you are expected to groom yourself accordingly? Then it grows out and you have to do it again.

Such an easy answer your Highness. Men designed those just to p!$$ you off. And another thing maybe they found enjoyment in a well manicured lawn, if you know what I mean.<p>But some live by the motto "If the grass is overgrown then go play in the mud"<p>OK Sorry, I'll leave now.....

I just don't get it. They indicate that to look exciting, we need these skimpy garments then we have to groom to suit them. Then they go and try to convince us that we want to wear them in our cracks. <p>And you know what else I don't understand? Why did we women ever buy into the concept of shaving our legs? Your men get to wear yours in your natural cartpeted state. Why shouldn't we?

All I can say is:<p>Payback is a b*&^% ain't it.<p>I've got a headache - PPPPlease [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

I have the perfect solution for your headache.<p> [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>A mammogram!!<p>The mammographer who did mine 2 weeks ago said she had done a man earlier that day. They know how to do this. And I am sure that, after they got through with you, you wouldn't have that headache anymore. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Oh, your Highness, we seemed to have a communication thing going on here.<p>I don't have a headache nor do I ever have headaches especially at performance time.<p>So when I said "Ain't payback a B*(&^" I was referring to your comment about not understanding the intriquit workings of the male perspective on how the grass should be maintained as well as the proper placement of the tarp over the grass. <p>So I was saying that we stagically mystified you woman about the proper mowing of the grass and tarp placement to pay you back for that lame excuse "I have a headache".<p>I sure hope this clears things up for you.

Then I guess we are both members of the "No Headache" Club.

And another thing since we're on the topic of mowing the grass.<p>When was the last time you had to shave your breasts for personal hygeine reasons?? ..Huh... ..Huh...<p>I remember someone asking me if I could keep up well where the heck are you now.<p>Reason 753 that breasts are better than balls:<p>From a very young age a girls breasts are admired by her peers as they bud into fruitfulness. In the dating world they are caressed and loved. In motherhood they are able to provide nuriousment to a child. Through the rest of their days they are constantly admired and appreciated. RIGHT...<p>As for the men's pair, they spend a lifetime just hanging around with some D!^(head.