i just have a couple of questions that maybe someone could answer/shed some light on me. i want to know what constitutes raising a child? when a h and w separate and are on there way to divorce is visitation every other wkend considered raising your child?
does calling every so often and not reaching your child and at times leaving messages and at other times just letting your number appear on the caller id showing how concerned you are?<p>how is it that two wks have passed since you spoke to your child and all you can do is call every so often and never reaching the child a good thing? wouldn't you call and keep trying until you reach your child? why would you call when you know your child isn't home and leave a message to say hi,i'm thinking of you? and after that not call for a few days or a wk? <p>is this guilt or am i just obssessing right now? my stbx is displaying this behavior and it seems so bizzare. i don't say anything i just let it ride i will not become crazy over this. he seems ok or who knows but he is w ow whom he said he wanted to be with/live with. he has pretty much isolated himself from his family and hasn't seen his child much either. the only person in his life right now is the ow. we really don't speak either. i am trying my best to deal with the hurt he has put me through so i stay away from him. <p>we are suppose to be getting divorced but since we last spoke about a wk ago he hasn't emailed me about it again.he knows i am waiting for him to give me money to give to the lawyer to get things started. he is in a rush i really don't have the money right now so he said he will give it to me. i told him the faster he wants it then that is the faster he should give me the cash. i check the mail daily and don't see anything in the mailbox. maybe tommorrow will be the day since he gets paid. who knows. <p>i am so hurt that even when he calls and leaves messages for our daughter his voice just makes me want to cry. i loved this man to death and the thought of the stuff he has done ripes me apart. he doesn't understand and never will. we were together 10 yrs and now he is so happy with ow whom he works with and has know for 1yr and a few months. <p>even though a part of me thinks he might be thinking of me and missing me although with his ego he will never admit it and we don't speak so it will never be told to me. but another part of me believes he is just so content and happy to be away (he was the one who cheated time and time again) i was always trying to convince myself that he would change. i just wanted us to be happy together and he well wanted to do his own thing. so now he is and he should be happy.<p>he no longer has the family responsiblity and only has to deal with ow on a daily basis. maybe he missing seeing his child everyday who knows he sure has a weird way of showing it. <p>i know divorce is the best thing for us we have dealt with infidelity more than say 5 times and it seems impossible for him to change. i still have a place for him in my heart even though i feel like a fool for saying that. i will not tell him i am staying as far away as possible. i have been hurt way to many times and am not leaving myself open for that again.<p>it's so hard when you have a yound child involved and when your heart was giving to one person for so long with the hope that you would last for many yrs to come. he broke all of that for me and my child i am so into families and he just shattered my dream. it hurts more than anyone will ever know or imagine. <p>maybe one day if i ever start dating again i will meet the right man and things will turn out different. but right now all men make me sick and i just don't want one anywhere near me let alone intimate with me (yuck!!) the thought makes me sick to my stomache. <p>h and i have been separated for 11 months now although from april till oct we where together here and there and intimate all that time. he was a family man on the wkends and came back for 6 wks only to return to ow's house. so the separation was really only real for maybe say 3 months that we have really been away from each other totally. 2 months when we first separated and then since 10/28 when he last here. <p>we had the craziest separation so right now its real no speaking,seeing one another or intimacy he is w ow and that is it. i am by myself and yes that is by choice i need a lot of time to get over him and deal with that before i can start a new relationship too bad he doesn't think the same. <p>pls post i am feeling really down right about now anything would be a lift for me.

Not sure I can offer any advice..or whatever..but know that this is pretty normal..when a spouse moves out be it the husband or the wife..the one with the children will be the one who "usually"
has to pick up the pieces of the child time and time again..when the other parent doesn't come or doesn't call for days, weeks or months on end..and then one day out of the blue they call again or come over to see the child again..and you can't stop them from seeing the children..<p>A lot of professionals say that the first year they usually spend the most time w/ the kids
especially if they hadn't spent a lot of time
w/ the kids before the end of the marriage..they are trying to releave their guilt for leaving and not being there..then after the first year it begins to dwindle down and more every year there after..they feel disconnected because they aren't there..and feel like the kids don't want them around or they are to busy and try to blame the kids for not seeing them..when they are the adults and should be the one who makes more of an effort..but, that isn't the case...<p>Sorry I couldn't offer more encouraging help..

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>