I have just faced one of the hardest days in my life. Yesterday my XH came to fetch his things. I did my best to be friendly and open to being a friend to him. But most of the time he was totally uncooperative and making nasty biting comments. He stormed up to me at one point and said &#8216;who used my outside cooker&#8217; and I said he did and didn&#8217;t clean it, although it was my brother and me that had last used it, he had not cleaned it after he&#8217;d used it. Later I see the cooker is cleaned but he didn&#8217;t ask for a packet to put the coal in, so I went outside and asked him where did he clean it, he says &#8216;all over your garden&#8217; and I said no way and where, and he then told me he threw it in a basket. I was so pissed off about this. I took the basket and threw it with the rest of his things and he then took the basket and threw it across the garden messing coal everywhere. I lost it, I hit him. Big major problem. He phoned the police, so I also called the police and this point he is so full of himself with this smile on his face. As if he&#8217;d tried his best to get this reaction out of me and had now succeeded. We waited for the police but they were not coming, during this time we are just arguing and I told him quite a few things. That he would not be where he is today career wise had it not been for me, that just take our schooling history our teachers never had respect for him and always said he&#8217;d amount to nothing. I also blurted out that I&#8217;d slept with someone else and even though I denied it before it was just because I didn&#8217;t want to hurt him. Well, he is like he has this girlfriend and she&#8217;s got this great car and house, and I&#8217;m like well she isn&#8217;t going to put up with your **** for long. Anyway then his friend arrives to help him remove the remainder of his things. I tell this guy &#8216;well if your from his work, you should hear all the bad things he has to say about everyone that he works with. And he has slept with the secretary at the company&#8217;. At this point I couldn&#8217;t give a damn what anyone thought of me &#8211; I was just hurting so incredibly. This guy leaves. I am just about to leave him sitting outside when he says &#8216;Can I speak to you&#8217; and I turn around fully expecting him to say some mean things to me. And he has tears in his eyes and he says &#8216;sorry&#8217;. And I could not believe what he was saying to me! Well I said it is ok. He said he knew that I was trying and he had done what he&#8217;d done on purpose. The police phone me back at this point and they are looking for my house, so I told them sorry to have been a bother and that it is ok and they don&#8217;t need to come out. XH is holding me and holding me now. We talk about things. XH said he never really had anyone else. He says he will back later and will bring back the tyres that he had just given to his friend to take away that he&#8217;d promised me I could have. <p>He phones later and says he is not coming anymore &#8211;that I&#8217;d hurt him too much for saying that I slept with another man, and then put the phone down. I had told him earlier that I didn&#8217;t think he would really come back. I phoned back and he said ok he&#8217;d be here. Then he gets here and he is drunk. He was still dirty from all the work of moving, so I said he could take a shower. I opened up wine and just thought that we&#8217;d spend some time together. He was quite a bit all over me. And we kissed. I asked him then do you really not have anyone in your life. And he says yes he has many different ones. That there are these older women at work that are interested in him (he is 29) one being 40 and the other 50. And that he has slept with other women but like in one night stands. And here I am listening to this and hurting so badly. He&#8217;s still upset about me having slept with someone, so I say no it didn&#8217;t happen. During this time, he gets an sms and then he says I need some time to myself to have smoke and make a call. Now obviously it is woman, so I said look don&#8217;t waste my time, just go ok. So he leaves. I go straight to sleep with a lot tranquilisers in my body. <p>At 11:55 I wake up to a hooter (horn) of a car. Now I had previously turned off my cell and unplugged my home phone, because I didn&#8217;t want to hear from him. I go outside and he is there at the gate, I ask him what he wants. I thought that he was going back to Durban(6 hour drive), and he says he was at a friend, can he sleep over. I said whatever and handed him the keys. He comes in and says he&#8217;ll sleep on the couch &#8211; I asked if he wanted blankets and he said no &#8211; so I said good night and went to bed. This morning he comes in at 5 am and says he&#8217;s leaving. I said well thanks for using me for a place to sleep, but we still never got to spend any real quality time together. And he says well I will lie here with you a while &#8211; an hour. I said no this time we play it by my rules, if you don&#8217;t want to spend the day with me then it would better that you leave now. He asks again if I&#8217;d slept with someone and I said no again. (At this point I don&#8217;t want to hurt him with the truth and besides it really doesn&#8217;t have anything to do with him) When he came to say good bye, I told him that I have said my good byes. He left. <p>That is the last time in my life that I will ever see this man who was formerly the only reason for me to exist. I read somewhere that every women should know how to fall in love without losing themselves. Well I never want to there again! I feel so cheated out of love and life. (yes a pity party for one here!) He said that he changed to be with me and that that was a mistake and not fair on me, because he can&#8217;t keep pretending to be someone that he is not. Can anyone realise the impact that that statement has on me. Oh man it hurts like hell. How could I have been so foolish. <p>Isn&#8217;t it amazing that no matter how many good things someone says to you it is the hurtful and bad things that linger the longest. He told me during this time how incredibly beautiful he thought I was, how he still felt that I was his, and that any man would be crazy not to go for me. He said how he would actually love to be my friend and that if not now then maybe in a years time. He also said his friend had said that he was a lucky man and that he could see that I was I actually a good woman. <p>If you&#8217;ve actually taken the time to read this post &#8211; I want to thank you, as I am not the best writer out. I am a total emotional wreck and can say that I feel worse now than on the day of my divorce.<p>Pantha

(((((((((((((Pantha)))))))))))))))<p>I wish I could do more...<p>Why do men keep leaving good women; I don't get this.. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Pantha - do you have any support out there? Someone who cares that you could talk to? <p>I would have died without my sisters ( and, of course , this forum )And prayer. Alot of prayer.<p>Please take care of yourself. <p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>He said he knew that I was trying and he had done what he&#8217;d done on purpose.<hr></blockquote><p>Wha?? And he would do this because...<p>There seems to be so much anger and acting out that what's really inside; what is true, isn't said...<p>
Dan

Dan thanks for your reply. I went to visit my mom to day - an hours drive away. I am sure that God sent his angels to protect me on the road, as my concentration span was a flat zero. But I only told her a little of what happened, I don't want to burden family and friends. It has helped so much coming to this forum. And your support means so much!

Hi pantha,<p>I'm so sorry. Are you ok now? Well, at least a little better.<p>I too will never understand how all this happens. We just have to accept it and move on.<p>I know I personally just try to remember that I did once love him (maybe still do) and that he was a good person. And hang on to that.<p>I'm sorry he's still playing with your feelings and emotions. That is so wrong.<p>Just wanted to let you know that I did read your post, and I'm with you.<p>hugs<p>Jo<p>ps not too many tranqulisers girl........ I don't like the sound of that at all. You CAN do it without them you know.... YOU CAN xxx

Hi Bonnet<p>Thank you for post. I am feeling a little better, but still hurting like crazy. It just amazes me how he can say and do the things that he did this weekend. One good thing is that it is now over and I never have to see him ever again. We don't have children so there will be no need and with him living at least 6 hours drive away... But it still hurts and its still sad that my special person turned out to not be that special. I can see that he is very confused and definately is not going to end up a happy if he continues to do what he is doing (womanising etc). He said that Christmas will be very lonely, so I said how could it be if he had all these women in his life. And he said they are all involved with someone else. I find it so difficult to see him as the man I loved who hated adultry. Anyway another day is here and I have survived, so I guess the pain will get less as time goes on.<p>Thanks Bonnet for caring. I took 3 tranquilisers but with the wine it did make me sleep. But my doctor has told me that they are non addictive and has told me before that I could take 2 if I was very upset. But I will take your advice and be careful [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey Pantha,<p>Can I share the crown for the Queen of LB's with you???? Boy did I do it today....that's another story.<p>I knew that would be hard for you, but it was obviously very hard for your H too, and that is why such emotions were released by you both. Shame, girl, I am really sorry for you and your H as I have often felt that for the lack of a few really good honest discussions, you guys could be in a different place right now.<p>Since you won't be seeing XH, day by day it ought to get better..I am perfectly fine, for the most part as long as I don't hear from my H...today he tricked me into talking to him again by phoning back after ringing the kids...I was SOOOOO annoyed that I just let him have it. He got both barrels. And of course now I feel like s***. Mind you we aren't divorced yet...can't even apply until July. Oh well.<p>Just hang in there, Pantha.....tell me how is Jo'burg?<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Hey Jacky!<p>It is good to hear from you! Thanks for your post. He phoned at about 12:40 and my phone was on silent and I only saw the missed call and message later. He said he called to see how I was doing. So I phone back at about 2 and asked him some business questions and he was off hand again. What do I really expect?<p>Jo'burg is rainy and miserable. Its been this way for way too long. Except yesterday it never rained. It is very depressing weather, as we usually have more sun shine than rain this time of the year. <p>How is things otherwise? Is you H coming over at Christmas time - I think you said somewhere that he was. That is going to be very difficult for you, judging by how difficult this weekend was for me. But you are doing well now, you have a house and car - wow! You really have come a long way. <p>Pantha

Hi Pantha-<p>I am so sorry things went the way they did. You deserve a lot better. Your XH once again sounds a lot like mine. They don't want to be with you, but they want to keep you hanging on so they play these minds games. <p>I think it is horrible that he set you up by saying the mean things that he did. You are right, he is a mess and until he realizes it, accepts it, and does something about it you are better off without him.<p>You have come such a long way. You deserve the best and you will get through this. Consider yourself lucky that there aren't any kids involved, it would only make it harder on you and give him yet another area to manipulate with.<p>I'll be thinking of you.<p>K