Hi - I'm three weeks into plan B. On Friday I got a draft custody agreement from my wife's lawyer. One clause says each of us will be responsible for making sure family and friends don't trash the other in front of our kids. She's apparently worried about my Mom, who behaved like a saint during my Thanksgiving holiday visit with the kids. But I feel that I should be the one worried about something like that.<p>Is this kind of clause typical for a custody agreement? I wonder how it could be enforced? And what is she going to do, keep asking our kids if anyone has said bad things about Mommy?<p>The next clause says that each of us has the express duty to uphold the other as a worthy parent. That clause is okay with me and it seems to cover the topic. I don't want to be responsible for controlling what other people say.<p>- Tom

tmmx - <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>The next clause says that each of us has the express duty to uphold the other as a worthy parent.<hr></blockquote><p>I don't know..do worthy parents break up a family for an affair?<p>Deny all repair attempts ? <p>Blame and defend?<p>Uh - I should point out as I write this I'm thinking of MY WS...<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I wonder how it could be enforced? And what is she going to do, keep asking our kids if anyone has said bad things about Mommy?<hr></blockquote><p>I don't know what IS standard. This phrase sounds like nonsense to me..because of it's inability to be measured. So.. that's how you respond. You'll be happy to comply, and here are the tools for determining if the clause has been violated; stds. for measuring, if you will.<p>And pick something that makes you happy, that's equally as silly as the clause.<p>
It's also silly because.. what is an appropriate response to inappropriate behaviour? <p>If you're in plan B, what are you going to do about Christmas? My WS invited me over. I said No, thanks..<p>To me, it's a natural consequence of seperation. And of adultry.<p>How are you going to handle the "B" and Christmas?<p>Dan<p>[ December 09, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

Hi FM - and thanks for answering. We're splitting Christmas day. Her family gathers at FIL's house the Saturday after for a gift exchange, and I won't be there this time. Some of them know about the separation but I'm thinking of how to explain this to them.<p>I don't plan on trashing my wife in front of our kids, and the one clause covers that nicely. It's the other one, totally subjective as you point out, and trying to manage other people, that doesn't seem to belong. I'm curious if anything like that appears in other custody agreements or parenting plans.<p>- Tom

We have a similar clause in our divorce judgement. My lawyer said it was pretty standard.<p>Something about the right of a child to love both parents without one parent making them feel guilty about it. Sorry, don't have my order handy.<p>However ours only mentions the other parent, not family and friends ... how we are supposed to control what other people say is beyond me.

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

My children visit with my mother sometimes. They see their cousins sometimes. They see friends sometimes and I am not always there to cover their precious ears in case someone else says something disparaging about x. I can not control those other people. I can only control myself.<p>I would want a clause that says holds me responsible for other people stricken from the agreement. I see it as unenforceable. How would you monitor it? Strap tape recorders to the children from now until they turn 18?