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Joined: Nov 1999
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bonnet Offline OP
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Hi everyone,<p>first of all, thank you all soooooo much for all your support. I felt so comforted, loved, and supported. It's hard to describe, especially as this has been a cyber relationship with us all, but I really did feel you with me. And it helped so much. SO THANK YOU.<p>Secondly, this is how I got through it.<p>FRI hard day at work. Eyes watering almost all day. Fri night had dinner with my parents. They wanted to stay the night at my house, to babysit me, but I really wanted some time alone. Hired a video, "Miss Congeniality" which was perfect. Had a bourbon and dry or two, but really just two. Got lots of phone calls, and a visit from someone very special.<p>SAT got up early and went to a big shopping centre (mall I suppose to you guys). Absolutley bedlam, carpark packed at 8.30 am, but guess who got a carpark as soon as she arrived, AND undercover. Wondered around the shops in peace and quiet and enjoyed it so much. No little people saying "when are we going mum, can I go here, can I have something to eat etc etc etc". Saw shops I have never seen there before, and had a good look at everything before I started buying. My Christmas shopping came in under budget _ how the heck I managed that I will never know!!! so I bought a beautiful photo frame for myself. <p>After shopping, I went to visit some family friends that are so dear to me. Like second parents. They let me talk, my aunty Marion even let me make a few snide comments and laughed!!!!<p>I got home about 5.30 pm. Marathon shop for me. I had about an hour on my own, then went out to dinner with some friends. Had a lovely night, met a lovely man - single, quite dishy, but didn't seem overly interested. Oh well, that's life. Had a laugh, lots of laughs actually, not too much champagne and home by 11.30 Slept like a baby.<p>The only part of today that was hard was 5 pm. That's the time they got married. I kept playing it all out in my head, her arriving, her walking down the garden path (they got married at some friends house) wondering if he cried when he saw her like he did me - you know how it goes.......<p>Anyway, I got through it. With so much love and support from a beautiful family and wonderful friends.<p>SUN - slept in, coz I could!!! Then got up and tidied out the girls playroom. Something that has been on my 'to do' list for months. Got rid of heaps of stuff. They can actually move in there now. Then did the same thing with their wardrobes. Got rid of clothes that don't fit anymore, clothes that have been played in once too often and have too many tears/stains/rips/paintmarks/chocolate marks etc etc........ Two jobs well done - or so I told myself.<p>THEN HE ARRIVED WITH THE GIRLS. I almost couldn't look at him. YD told me to look at Daddy's new ring, and wasn't it nice. I said "yes baby, I saw that..." and then he asked me if I would like some photo's of the girls. I said 'that would be lovely'. Then he left.<p>A girlfriend was with me, and she said she was so proud of me. I conducted myself with dignity and grace. I thought it was more 'incapable of speech' more than anything!!!! How I got through it I will never know. But I did it because if I didn't do it yesterday, the next time I see him will be Christmas Day. I didn't want to have to see his wedding ring for the first time on Christmas Day. I thought to myself just get it over and done with.... So I did.<p>So all you guys out there who may have to face this - YOU CAN DO IT.......<p>You need a support network, which we all are to each other, you need to do something for you (shop til you drop!!!) and then you need to do something with friends. EASY EASY EASY.<p>Then you need to protect your little ole heart. How you do that I don't know. I actually focussed on Christmas, and how I wanted it to be so special, for myself, my girls, my family and friends. Didn't allow myself to think about him not being in it - I still have to have Christmas right? and I still want it to be special. So I thought about the real meaning of Christmas, of Jesus, and of families. And that stopped me thinking of him. It really did.<p>So there you have it. I hope this diary wasn't too banal for you all, but it's how I got through it.<p>With love. From you guys, my family and my friends here.<p>Thank you, and I love you all.<p>Jo has now left the building!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>Just joking. But sincerely, thank you.<p>xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Joined: Dec 1999
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Jo,<p>I'm glad the weekend went well for you. And YES, you did conduct yourself with dignity! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My kids saw their dad Friday and he told them that he's getting married sometime. he didn't say when though. And ya know what? It didn't bother me! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Big hugs to you! <p>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

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bonnet Offline OP
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thanks Mitz

Joined: Jun 2000
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Hugs Bonnet,<p>Gosh, he actually married the slug????<p>Well, not to worry, I doubt very seriously they are in the 3% of A's that end up in marriage that last.<p>You are my Hero, Bonnet. You did so good.<p>Love,
Jo

Joined: May 2001
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Hey Jo<p>You did so amazing well! It must have been really emotionally draining but you got through it so well! Thank you for sharing your experience because I can take an example from your strength that you have shown.<p>Pantha

Joined: Oct 2000
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Dear Jo,
I am glad you succeeded - and in such succesful way.
I am sure when that day comes for me I would not be so calm and especially so nice wnen seeing him.
I'd like to follow your example but am afraid I wouldn't.
Want you nice holidays enjoy them.
love

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[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Luv ya! Desiree

Joined: May 2000
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You did so well. Pat yourself on the back.

Joined: Sep 2001
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I am so proud of you. You are an example for all of us. Keep focusing on yourself and your kids. You are on the way to happiness.<p>K

Joined: Nov 2001
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Bonnet,
I have followed your story on MB for a while now. Silently lurking. Wondering how this would all unfold. And I must say, it sounds like you did great. I agree with your friend "what dignity and grace." Rather like Jackie Kennedy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I have a cousin who is currently TOW turned bride-to-be. And while I love her (she is after all family) I feel sorry for her. She is in the throws of planning this wedding, hoping to have a second child with this man, and living in absolute terror that he will cheat. There in not a moment of her time that is not consumed with thoughts of his cheating. I have watched her turn herself inside out, reading books of how to "affair proof" her marriage, finding God, doing everything within her power to "make sure" that she "keeps him faithful." Not the way to begin a marriage.<p>At the end of the day I think it comes down to karma. So while i'm sure that you don't wish them i'll, it'll be interesting to see how it all works out. (My cousin's beau has already cheated on her-and they're not even married yet)

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Way to go, Jo!<p>It's been a long road, but you've come out shining bright for all to see.<p>And don't worry about his new ring....it doesn't really represent anything to him, now does it? So it's sorta like a "cracker jack" ring....looks nice, shines for a while, but in the end, it a bit worthless.<p>Just think of it that way. <p>Take care and Happy Holidays!
Aloha,
Ms.O


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