I have been with my H for almost 11 years. We have 4 children. Three months ago I got the nerve to move out and into my sister's. ( which I have to say is RIGHT next door) Yea I didn't make it far but I had to go. For at least the last three weeks before I left we were fighting everyday about anything. He had a temper also. He hasn't been physical though for at least 6 years. But I was afraid the way it was going it would eventually be that way again. It was affecting the children the way we were fighting everyday. I couldn't take it anymore.
I moved in with him at the age of 17 and have been solely dependent on him ever since. I recently turned 29 and am realizing how much I need to learn to be independent for myself and my children. I have never been on my own. I know it's hard, I watched my mother work 2 jobs to raise just myself and my brother, but I feel this is something I have to do. So much has happened in our marriage, too much to type in one day to lead to this point. But I have to be honest I'm scared to death to try it. Everyone is telling me how crazy I am to leave a 4 bedroom home w/ pool and his 75,000.00 year income to "TRY" to make it on my own. They tell me that I have put up with it this long and to move back in and stay. I don't wan't to move back because of money. I wan't to move back because of love. I just don't think I could ever Love him again. It was to the point I got chills if he just tried to kiss me. we slept in opposite rooms for at least 6 months before I left. I didn't want him touching me. I don't know what to do. Im worried that there is still buried feelings for him deep inside me and I'm throwing away a marriage that may eventually be saved. But how can I live with someone I don't wan't touching me? Should I go for my feelings of wanting to be independent? Or should I move back in again and try for the 4th time? This is my first time writing so I'm sorry if I'm really confusing. Just needing someone to talk to. Thanks for listening. J [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

MOVE BACK HOME! and after you move back, go to a website called restorem.org-it will change your life. Your marriage and family are the most precious things on this earth you will ever have-so treat them as such, and give your all until death do you part.<p>Pray daily!

You did the right thing to leave since he has a history of being physically abusive and the fighting was escalating but that does not mean that your marriage is over. <p>It sounds like you need help in your marriage. Read everything you can about this site. Especially: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5047_qa.html
It talks about sexual aversion which sounds like what you may be going through with not wanting him to touch you. <p>There is a number on this site for phone counseling. Is your Husband open to that?

o wow. That link helped explain alot. But honestly i dont know if I ever want him to touch me again. I don't think I can. Too much in the past that I can't forget. Thank you very much for the link.

I understand. <p>But please get some counseling for yourself even if you can't fathom marriage counseling. You sound like you are going through a very rough time and you don't have to go through it alone.