I am trying to save our 12 year marriage. We have grown apart with too much time on other things. My wife is pretty sure she wants to end it. She thinks I can't change and that she highly doubts she can "come back" emotionally.<p>We are seeing a counsellor to work on ourselves seperately. Well at least I am. <p>We are separated. I simply can't do this to our kids and to us. <p>Does anyone have any success "Turn-around" stories for marriages on the brink of ending? I am hoping to build some hope in both of us.<p>Thanks.<p>Stefano

Notable Posts/Threads from Just Found Out...<p>Click on the link and scroll down to "Success Stories."<p>Good luck! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] There's always hope. Keep the faith!

Stefano,<p>I am in the midst of what you are going through with the exception that I am still living at home. I too am seeing acounselor because I have built up anger towards my world around me. I am angry at myself that I left the marriage get to this. There where the warning signs from my wife over the last year or so. We have been married 10-1/2 years and after the thanksgiving holiday's she sprang this on me. I was kinda' expecting it. <p>She told me last night "I don't love you anymore and I haven't for a long time". I beg to differ, but that is another story.<p>If I could reccomend a AWESOME book that might breathe hope back into your marraige. My counselor reccommended it for me. It is called "Relationship Rescue" by Phillip C. McGraw PhD. It is pretty cheap to, only $15 (USD) for the paperback and $22 for the hard cover.<p>The first few pages I almost started crying, because I thought this guy had been observing me for the last few years. Be prepared to work and be prepared to do a lot of self inventory. Like he says in the book, it took you a few years to get to this point, don't expect it to change overnight. The thing he stresses is "honesty" with yourself and your spouse.<p>My situation may be different than yours, my wife is a dianosed Bi-Polar (aka Manic Depression) and I believe she is "cycling" as they say. <p>It is ripping me up inside, but I am making it!

Defcon888-<p>Go to this sit and read. Learn all that you can and also consider their support groups for people who have a partner with Bi-Polar depression.<p>it will help you help yourself and your marriage. Take a look at what they have to offer.<p>Good Luck!<p>mr rlk<p>http://www.ndmda.org/

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Defcon,<p>Thanks for the Advice. I actually picked up Relationship Rescue back in September. I started on the exercises, but got discouraged by the part where Dr. Phil talks about "the line" where you feel you could never love again.<p>If my wife read it, I fear she would try to identify with "the line" and rationalize that she is there. Even though, she has said things to make us believe she is not there. <p>Do you know much about this. What if someone feels if they have crossed "the line". Does Dr. Phil make any comments that you know of? Can they come back?<p>Thanks.<p>Stef

I was just reading at this site earlier a section that I had printed out. If you and your wife could
do the things that were and are so much fun for each of you individually then I still say there is
hope for you. I totally agree with Dr. Harley in the part of marriage being fun and love being in the picture when you are having fun together. I found it in the Q&A section. The lady did not like
it that her husband went alone to draft baseball with all male friends and no females were invited.
If you and your wife could at least just find one
thing that you could share fun together, it could be a start of a whole new romance for you both! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Stefano,<p>I'm a success story I guess. My H had an affair and multiple "dates" over a 2 year period. We were separated for 18 months, and I filed for divorce.<p>A few days before our first court date, my H asked to move home, and came up with a plan for our recovery, which he still is keeping to.<p>It's been 6 months now, and we are doing ok. Maybe it's just a sign of my unhealed parts that I don't really feel like a success, but technically I guess that's what we are.<p>I don't think you can do much right now except keep the focus on yourself by doing Plan A - taking responsiblity for your part of the marriage and doing whatever you have to do to demonstrate to your wife your willingness to listen to her needs and to change.<p>Recovery comes when you both agree to give it a short.

Dear Teed Off,<p>Thanks for your response.<p>I agree that we should start again doing the fun things together. We have had such a good time. We started dating when she was 16 and I was 19. She was and still is gorgeous and captivates me. Unfortunately, at this stage, she "wants nothing from me". She is so hurt by my neglect and always putting her second from her viewpoint.<p>I have also had an anger problem that manifests in a lot of moodyness and verbal outbursts. Never directed at her, but just blowing off steam. It will take some time if we can get to that point. <p>I long for the day when we go out again and enjoy the things we always did. She is digging in her heels right now. She has to get ahold of herself. I am giving her all the space she needs.<p>We have way too much to lose to let it go. Our kids are not the least of it.<p>Thanks for your input.<p>Stef.

Bramble Rose,<p>How did you feel about your H's affair and other stuff. Did he try to win you back while you were separated? or was it just one day he asked you to come back?<p>My wife tells me she is hurt so deeply that she doesnt feel she can come back. I understand this, but I also am concerned because she keeps everything to herself. All these years, she never confided in anyone when I didn't get the message. Even now, she talks very little to very few people. She just wants to deal with it on her own. <p>Family is strongly encouraging her to continue seeing our counsellor who seems to have a sensible approach and I am convinced he is trying to keep us together.<p>Hearing about feelings from a woman's perspective is important to me if you can share a bit.<p>Thanks.<p>Stefano