Well, I'm going to have to jump in and say that I thnk it is more than just the weight. I think that there are other problems in the marriage, but, because her weight that she put on is an extra problem, you are just not attracted to her. I understand this totally. I say this is because my husband and I have been together for 5 years. Weight with him was never an issue. I put on some weight because of the children, but am losing it..I put on about 20 pounds and I was very skinny. For my husband, he put on 50 pounds and looks like he's climbing with the weight. Now, if he put on this weight at the beginning of our marriage or when we were engaged, it would have not bothered me or really turned me off as much as it does now. Now, because we have all these other issues/problems, this weight thing is just another "turn off". I am turned off my his body and his weight. He does nothing to improve himself or try to even look better. I have a problem with this. When we met and got married, he use to try to look nice all the time, kept himself physically fit, etc. Now, it's not like that. So, because there are other problems, the weight issue just escalates things and I just don't find him attracted physically or mentally. So, I speculate that you are having other problems and not just the weight. I understand what you are saying. I was never into heavy men. I always went out with guys who were fit and athletic. So, my husband gained weight...no big deal. So, now we have alot of problems...now the weight coupled with the problems are a big deal.

Skel, Thanks for both of your replies to me. They gave me some new insights. One thing I'd like you to elaborate on more though...<BR>After reading both posts I was almost getting courageous enough to tell my husband "no more porn" but then when I got to the end of your 2nd post I changed my mind. You said "It's the ones with no signs of porno around that you need to worry about. They're getting the real thing somewhere!" My husband has said almost this exact same thing to me when we've talked about this before. He says its better for us to share in watching the porn than for him to be sneaky about getting it. Should I say no since it makes me so uncomfortable and hurts my self esteem or should I make this sacrifice since it's filling one of his needs in the hopes that it will prevent him from having to look at porn (or the real thing) elsewhere? Any thoughts?<BR>

Hi everyone, Hi Skel,<P>When I read Skel's thread here, my eyes started tearing up. Skel, I have been where your wife is. Not the weight part, but the part about being married to a man who uses porn and mast. You can be addicted to them and even if you are not doing it every day or everyother day, you can be addicted. It is a very complicated subject and you will have to find competent help to be able to help yourself. Any counselor you find must have already have dealt with his own issues to be able to help a person with theirs.<P>My heart started pounding when I read how you thought it might be an addiction. No one will know for totally sure if it is an addiction except yourself, BUT if it is both you and your wife will need help to get past it. I have been dealing with this off and on for 15 years and have been in recovery for a bit over a year. There are many many resources out on the net for this problem.<P>Even Harley says that the addicted person of any kind has to be in recovery before he will counsel with the person (He says so in his writings.).<P>If your wife or you would like to email about this with me (you can read my profile if you like before emailing me), contact me at thoughtfulangel@cheerful.com<P>Some sites to start with include:<BR>Recovery:<BR>The Partnership Way: <A HREF="http://www.weinholds.org/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.weinholds.org/</A> To start with, click on the counter-dependency link there and read the book information they have listed.<P>Sex Addiction information and recovery:<BR>Dr. Patrick Carnes' Web Site: <A HREF="http://www.sexhelp.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.sexhelp.com/</A> <BR>What is Sex Addiction: <A HREF="http://www.sexhelp.com/what_is_sa.cfm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.sexhelp.com/what_is_sa.cfm</A> <BR>Heart to Heart Web Site: <A HREF="http://www.sexaddict.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.sexaddict.com/</A> <P>Support groups:<BR>For SA's:<BR>A listing of many: <A HREF="http://www.members.home.com/lillette/Recovery/SA/index.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.members.home.com/lillette/Recovery/SA/index.htm</A> <BR>For Partners of SA's:<BR>Coanon Email List for partners and families of SA's: <A HREF="http://www.members.home.com/lillette/Recovery/Coanon/index.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.members.home.com/lillette/Recovery/Coanon/index.htm</A> <BR>New Life Partners Web Page for Wives of SA's: <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Park/7087/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Park/7087/</A> <P>I wish you all of the luck in the world.<P>Hugz and prayers,<BR>Thoughtful (Deb)