Can anyone tell me when it's over for sure, and there is no reconciliation ahead postitively; about how long do you hurt (especially when you've been treated so badly during the Marriage) and cheated on AND lied to daily...<p>there seems to be so many mood swings, from anger to sorrow to yearning to hate to etc, etc. <p>how long does this last??? Some have said around 6 mos to a year.<p>Any input??? <p>Thanks Jordan

I've been wondering this same thing for 3 years - but I think the answer lies in you - when you have had "enough" is when it ends. Good luck and try to learn from someone who took the long way.
Carebear

Dday was Feb. 2001. It has been 8 months and we are nowhere yet. H and I are counseling with the Harleys, spending lots of money and seem to be getting nowhere. Jennifer passed us on to Steve, Steve in my counseling with him today heard my dispair and cry. I told him I think I am done, and am ready to move on. I really want to do plan B, should of done it in April. <p>The time frame, there is no definite answer. Wish there was a time clock ticking off and I could hear the big bang to know ok we are done. Lets move on. I can tell you for the last 2 weeks, my feelings about saving this marriage has gone down. I am afraid by the middle of next year there will be nothing to look forward to. Life is a B*t*h and then you Die. This is a statement my mother in law makes all the time. Anyways, it differs with each individual. Steve mentioned to my H today, it might be too late. And it might!!!!

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Thank you all for your encouragement. I guess there really isn't a time frame. I know the Bible says it's okay to divorce due to infidelity, but it still hurts. He's moved on so easy it 'seems.' <p>I am still curious as to if he 'regrets or hurts' at all. I guess I want him to hurt as bad as I do and also I'm angry because due to his behavior, he 'FORCED' me to make a decision that I didn't want to make (D). <p>I'm also the type of person that is happiest when there is ONE someone special in my life and when I'm married. There's nothing wrong w/being content because you're married or being content becaue you have someone who loves you in your life. <p>It's not a matter of 'being complete' - but more a matter of having companionship that provides the intimacy that you can't get from friends or family and I think we all have a hunger for that. <p>The Bible says, God created Eve for Adam BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOOD for man to be alone. <p>If it's not good, no wonder so many of us want to have someone as a mate, friend, partner, lover, husband or wife. <p>I HATE BEING SINGLE... for a lot of reasons. Now in the time the Lord gives me, He has to work on me a lot before I'll ever be ready again. If I don't feel peace, if I don't receive an answer from the Lord, if I don't seek HIM FIRST next time? I won't do it. I create such messes doing things on my own judgment. I don't trust even MYSELF. I'm going to rely on Jesus next time - HE won't do me wrong and won't let me down. <p>It's such a PAINFUL process when you make decisions without Jesus. The consequences are awful. I don't want to go thru this LONG healing process again. EVER. It's twice for me - two unbelievers, two cheaters, two liars! I guess HE finally got thru to me to TAKE IT TO HIM, LEAN ON HIM (not me) and TRUST, TRUST, TRUST HIM to make my life's decisions for me - from money to MATES!!!!! <p>I DO believe ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD!!! That means even a FAITHFUL mate...<p>jordan

Jordan, I want you to know I'm right where you are now. My H and I are living under the same roof, but separating Feb 2 (I've signed a lease on an apartment). We are selling our house because neither of us can afford it without the other. I just found out that my H is once again back with OW. He tried to break it off several times since d-day, but I'm beginning to think she's just easier, because she doesn't come with the baggage of a 16-year marriage like I do. I've been going through this for 10 months now, and I don't want the pain of it anymore, yet I can't seem to bring myself to hate him yet. He's lied to me for months, many, many times, he's done such hurtful things that I would never have dreamed he was capable of doing. And now, when it's over for him, there's no emotion whatsoever. I have to stop telling him that I care, because it hurts to see that look of, almost, PITY that comes into his eyes. I hate that this isn't my choice, yet I know that my H has addictions, he has a lot of problems and issues that I would never be happy living with. But then, he's not really facing life alone, he's found someone else. I haven't. Like you, all I ever wanted was someone I could love that would love me back. I'm growing closer to Christ in all of this just like you. I'm having such a hard time "letting go and giving it up to God." I think that really gets easier with practice. Anyway, I want you to know that I don't think there's a magic formula for all for all of this. I DO know and believe that God knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper us and bring us joy. It's in the valleys that we grow. I have to keep saying to myself that while God did not cause this nightmare, he wants me to grow and become closer to him as a result of it. Prayers going out to you, and if you ever want to talk, my e-mail is: klazaretti@faegre.com<p>Peace,<p>MOM

Only you know when it is over. Do not let anyone
else tell you differently. If you think that there
your marriage is still worth saving, then by all
means, try your best to save it.<p>I am in the same boat. Been nine months now since
I and my wife separated (She left). At times I
see progress, and at other times I see steps
being taking that are going backwards. What I
have learned in all this is that this takes a
long time, and patience is the key.<p>Hang in there, one way or the other, you will
come out of all this a better person.

You will have to go completely thur the stages of grief, hurt,mad, then you can go on, I still get sad when the thought of him with OW, all the lies & our son without a father, H is now just a part-time dad(sundays only)& H will be raising her small children as soon as her D is over, I found peace thur the help of God & my church, it also helped finding out the truth about his hidden lifestyle even though it hurt hearing from his friends & people that I didnt even know came forward to tell me about A & yes OW is not the only one there are lots more, as a Policeofficer he would wait outfront of stores picking them up, going outside city limits to the woods, maybe if someone could have told me sooner the outcome would have been different but it was too late he was in love with her & had ask OW to leave her husband, it has helped me get over the guilt feeling like it was my fault asking for D. My STBX has started over his new life with MOW & a new job & is very happy, like he never had another family. I can say after 17yrs of marriage I really didnt know what kind of person I was married to. Give yourself time, when I see him now its like looking at a stranger no hate or love just a person I dont know or want to know, Im not sure when or why that happen it just did. Find a good friend who will sit there & let you talk, cry & vent. Wish you the best.