i am very mature. i married at 32. he was 34. i am in the withdrawal stage after 7 ears of marriage because i am confused about the definition of love. he says he loves me but i dont think he knows what love is. he never had a relationship with a woman before he married me. i had many boyfriends and several engagements. i know what love is for me. i am troubled because i dont know if he really loved me or not. how did he know what love was. he had nothing to compare it to. he says he does but maybe he doesnt. all this confusion has caused me to become insecure so i have withdrawn. i don't sleep with him because of his snoring. im not sure this marriage is really the definition of love. is there a way to find out? am i crazy? is the definition different for different people? i compare him to the husbands of my friends. all he does is come home and watch football. this makes me feel that he married me not knowing the definition of love and that he just doesnt want to end this thing. i am very confused. or crazy. i'm just nervous. always on eggshells. wondering if he's going to realize he married his first girlfriend and shouldnt have. i need some type of solid proof that he really knows the definition & that he is not going anywhere. i am insecure and becoming depressed. i am starting to sleep too much.

Donnaprin,<P>Ok, this may sound wierd to you, but just hear me out and think it over.<P>First off love or more like being IN love is a feeling we get. It is not something we give ourselves but is derived from the way someone treats us. That is where most people stop thier thinking, but is why so many people have trouble. They fail to follow through with that line of thinking and therefor put thier happiness into the hands of another person. The fact is that if it your desire to be 100% sure your H loves you, YOU need to do something about it. YOU need to stop placing blame on him for the way he feels, because the way he feels is how your treat HIM. Its basically a circle and the love WE give to others makes them feel loved and can cause them to fall IN love which will likely lead them to make us happy and feel loved. <P>Its easy to place blame on others, especially when they are not present, but a marriage is not 50/50, you are not half responsible for it, you are both 100%/100% for your happiness in the marriage. If you give 50% you will get 50%, try worrying more about him more and you will likely see him worrying about you mere.<P>The definition of love varies from person to person, that is why we have to dig to find our spouses emotional needs, and do our best to meet them. Doing so will keep them happy and eager to reciprocate. If you just sit there and blame him you will get no where. If you happiness and him loving you is so important, then why do you leave it up to him? If you show him how much you love him his love for you will grow and you will have no doubts.<P>Zyg.