Hi everyone-<p>I am sorry, but I need to vent. I teach at an elementary school and tomorrow is our Christmas Program naturally tensions are high and everyone is bickering over the most trivial matters.<p>I guess this past year between losing my H to his affair, realizing that his issues are much more serious than I ever wanted to face, accepting that for now we are over, and then losing my young and otherwise healthy father to cancer has taught me how stupid it is to get caught up and angry over nothing. Life and love are to precious.<p>There, I said it and I feel better already! I am doing o.k. though. It still doesn't seem real that my dad is gone. The hardest part is seeing my mom so alone.<p>Things are going pretty much the same as always with the STBX. Last night I met with my attorney to draw up the initial settlement offer. It is totally fair, but I know he'll pitch a fit. It is so hard to look at him right now and picture him as the man I once loved dearly. He is so self-centered and irresponsible it is pathetic! In my rational mind I know it is the fog of the affair combined with alcoholism and I try my best to detatch, but the effects are still awful on my kids and I so it is hard. <p>With the exception of my beautiful baby girl 2001 will go down as a year to forget. Still as unfair as life has been I am surviving and am for the most part content.<p>I am starting to get philosophical so I will go. Thanks for listening!<p>K

K.
Tensions and emotions are so high right now. I can't imagine losing your father and husband in same year. You must know that the losses are connected.<p>Do you think they ever get out of the fog?

Is it Possible-<p>You are right, it has been a rough year. My father was diagnosed almost three months to the day after my WH moved out. When I first told my WH he replied,"I hope you don't think that this is going to guilt me into moving home." I almost slapped him. That comment and many other actions in the past ten months have proven how guilt ridden he is, yet he is too caught up to end it.<p>As for the fog, although it feels like it will never end, there are so many people who post here that have shown it does. The biggest thing is that no two people are alike so one can never predict when it will.<p>I notice you are new here. How are you doing?<p>K

((((Still reeling))))<p>I am really sorry about your dad, remember that he will always be in your heart and mind and memories.<p>I just want to tell you that you are an amazing person. Just reading your replies when I've been down have helped me so much!<p>Remember to that you will need to be strong to deal with the settlement agreement and your H. He is going to try and get away with as little as possible and you need to take care of you and your children. So 'specially with Christmas and holidays coming up if you don't feel strong enough to deal with this now, wait until the new year. Don't rush things, take everything in your own time when you feel able to cope with it.<p>Take care
Pantha<p>[ December 14, 2001: Message edited by: Pantha ]</p>

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Hi K -<p>Thanks for responding. I really feel for you about being pregnant. It was very hard. Although I didn't know it my H was already involved in his affair when I got pregnant. Of course he then blamed me for getting pregnant on purpose. I didn't and he knows it, but he was awful anyway. Then when he moved out and rumors of his affair started circulating and I called him on it he adamently denied everything and then accused me of cheating and the baby not being his. He alternated with both of these accusations throughout the pregnancy and actually when he doesn't get his way it is the first thing he brings up. I have come to accept that it is the guilt he is feeling, he actually admitted it, but it is still hard to hear. <p>I don't know how involved your WH is with the pregnancy. Mine wasn't at all. I was 7 months pregnant before I was able to prove the affair. At one time I actually had hoped that the delivery would snap him into reality and bring him home. As it was, I ended up going into labor when I was at home, at night, alone with the three kids, and things progressed so quickly that I ended up delivering at home by myself before he got there to pick me up and bring me to the hospital. So much for the happy ending that always happens in the movies. He then waited until the baby was six days old to say that he had decided to pursue a relationship with the OW.<p>I guess I don't have any solid advice. It would be nice if your WH was more involved than mine. I would also love to hear that the birth of your baby snapped him into reality, but be prepared if it doesn't. That fog is amazingly thick! <p>You are so right about it being so hard to talk to them rationally when they're in it as well. I honestly can not name one person other than my WH and the OW that think he is doing the right thing and that the relationship will last. This includes his family and friends. Although the support is nice it is hard knowing that he is so caught up in it that he doesn't get it, doesn't see how much he is hurting us, and if and when he does it will most likely be too late for us.<p>Take care of yourself and your kids. You have enough to deal with already, a newborn baby, lack of sleep, and hormones will only add to it.<p>Keep in touch and let me know if there is anything I can do.<p>God Bless!<p>K

{{{K}}}<p>Don't know what to do about H's who make life more difficult for us, but I can sure give you a hug! <p>Lori