My WXH and I divorced August 2001. Reasons for divorce:
1. Caught XH having an EA/PA June 2001.(Last straw)
2. Caught XH having an EA/PA April 1999.
3. Caught XH having an EA December 1998.
4. Wanted to try to keep family together for the sake of my now 10 year old son so I did what I could after finding out about the first two affairs.
5. Put up with a lot of emotional abuse for about the last 5 years of marriage.
6. After separating from XH, I became aware of multiple affairs that had happened over a 6 year time period (8).<p>At the time I filed for divorce, I was emotionally and physically drained. I once again let my XH manipulate me into believing that he would help me with all expenses plus pay child support if I agreed to a lesser amount of CS for him to pay. I was stupid and did not have a good lawyer therefore I agreed. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>One Year later: I get $400.00 a month in CS. $100.00 of that goes to the medical insurance that I have to pay for my child. He has not contributed to any other expenses. In fact, he has withheld money from the little CS that I get now when he feels that I need to pay him half of something he buys for our son (ex. halloween mask, nintendo game.). He would not even give my son lunch money oneday. He told my son that "I give your mother money for that and anything else you need. You need to get the money from her". I guess what I am asking is this: In the state that I am from, I am suppose to get 21% of his net pay. That would be about $850.00 a month. We have a 65%(me) -35%(WXH) visitation schedule. I guess what I am asking is this: would it be considered greety of me to fight for the CS that my son deserves? My XH does not want to pay it because he thinks that I might go out and buy a new car or something. Please give me some feed back.<p>luv2bfree of his manipulation.<p>Anyone know of a good book that I could but to learn how to get a "set of balls"? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi there-<p>I do not think you are greedy at all to request what is rightfully yours. I don't know where you are from, but check into the way the support is pro-rated due to placement time and go from there. Also, can you have the support automatically withdrawn from his paychecks? <p>My WH left 10 months ago. We have four children. Although he faithfully paid me every week it was for the amount he felt was fair. Because I was trying to work things out I didn't push the issue even though I knew he should be paying more. As time went on and I realized that I needed to cover myself and our four children financially I filed for divorce and my lawyer got us into family court immediately. The result was that I got the money that the kids needed. We had it automatically deducted from his paychecks so that there wouldn't be the problems of him not paying the increased amount. Thank God we did this because otherwise I would not see the money. <p>He of course claims that he is being robbed blind, etc. At first I felt guilty, but I don't let him get to me. I am by no means living high off the hog. Yes, he is financially strapped, but he chose to have the affair and leave without even trying to save our marriage. He also enjoys very little responsibility for the kids and even when he was paying the lesser amount never gave any extra to help out even when special needs came up. <p>Stick to your guns and keep your child's best interests at heart. Of course your X is going to complain because you will be getting money that he otherwise would, but that is not your problem.<p>Hang in there!<p>K

luv2befree,<p>Fight him on it.<p>That is your families money. If you go out and buy a car with it, then let him cry over it! He has no say in what you do with the money. Also, don't you need good transportation to get your son to what ever activity you have. Heck! If you take that money and you and your son go on a disney vacation then that's your choice. Don't let him bully you into thinking you and your son don't deserve what is rightfully yours. <p>Take care,<p>ANNA

luv2bfree,<p>I think you can find less expensive insurance for your child. I pay only $700/year for my 19 y-o nephew who lives with me.<p>-AD

Hi,<p>I am about to see an attorney in order to get my share of our assets. We are not divorced yet, can't apply until July, but I have been advised to get a hold of what is rightfully ours because H may start hiding things.<p>This is the most difficult thing I have had to do so far. I am lucky at present because he provides more than enough money for the children each month. However I am now thinking of their future, so I have to make sure we get what we are entitled to.<p>And that is how I got my "balls". Putting aside my feelings of being greedy, being as he will say vindictive, and guilty for taking those assets. Because it is not MY money.....it belongs to the children, and was ALWAYS put aside for their future. Since they cannot fight for their rights, I have to, and I feel a whole lot better looking at it that way.<p>You go and get whatever you are entitled to, because it is for your child, first and foremost. And it doesn't matter a FIG if your XH sees it that way or not.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Thanks for all of you comments. One thing that I would like to say is that I am not going to take the money and spend it on me. If the courts agree that I should receive an amount that is higher than I receive now, I plan on investing part of the money in a college fund. When I mentioned buying a car, that is what my XH blasted at me. It is not what I plan on doing with the money. <p>Another question: What would you say to a judge if he or she were to ask you why you feel that you need more child support when you did not at the time of the divorce? <p>I want to go into this situation with all of my ducks in a row. I don't want to give my XH an opportunity to make comments to make me doubt what I am doing. All I ever wanted was what was fair. Right now, I don't feel that me having to raise my son on 300.00 (400.00 - insurance) is fair when he does absolutely nothing else. <p>Thanks

There is usually a legal standard that has to be proven to change the child support allocation. ANy family law attorney can tell you what it is and your chances of increasing the amount. Be prepared to have all of the financial records such as his income, your income, your expenses etc. so that the court can have the data. Good Luck! K

good for it.

lub2befree,<p>I may be wrong, but I was under the impression there's a set percentage in most states and no explanation is really needed. You just need to take him to court and have it changed.<p>ANNA

I think Anna is right---at least here in Texas, there is a set percentage...and if I understand correctly, there is one in your stateIn the state that I am from, I am suppose to get 21% of his net pay. That would be about $850.00 a monthSo you should not have to explain anything...get at attorney.
And so if you spend all of the money to provide a decent, well-maintained home for your child? That's what child support is for.

In Texas its 20% of net for 1, 25 for 2 30 for 3, to a max of 35% above 3. And its payed to the state.. Mine gets 1000$ a month and I pay for health ins. and variuos other things the kid needs.<p>I'd say you aren't being greedy. Go get whats yours. Just don't be vindective about it.. Let the laawyer and the judge handle it.. As you have nothing to explain..

Although I live in Wisconsin I agree with the Texans. Child support is a non-negotiable part of the settlement in most states. It is this way so that the needs of the children are met and the custodial parent isn't taken advantage of. <p>I have four kids and I because I have primary placement I receive 31% of my WH's gross pay, yes, gross not net. He of course says I am robbing him, etc, but I do not let it get to me because I am not blowing the money. Let's face it, it is expensive to raise kids these days. <p>Luckily as I said in an earlier reply it is taken directly out of his paychecks though because otherwise he would withhold as he saw fit. This is an area of the divorce that I leave solely to my lawyer and the judge. I know that my WH will always feel he is taken advantage of because has a lot less money than when we were married, but the law is the law and I refuse to discuss it with him. <p>K

In NJ family court uses a very convoluted calculation..they look at absent parent's income, and custodial parent's income along with costs they consider chld related, and presto-chango, they come up with an amount. <p>Don't worry about what you will tell the judge, you have a right to request an increase at any time. At the least you can say that costs were much more than you anticipated. You don't even have to get a lawyer to get the amount that would be calculated this way.<p>If you are asking for even more, you may need a lawyer. Don't feel bad, the two of you made this child and the two of you are responsible. <p>And...don't worry about what the ex thinks you may or may not do with the money. Having a car is a household expense, as is a place to live with enough bedrooms, as is food, as is heating for the house, etc. Most calculations for Child Support take into consideration such things, and you are expected to spend child support money on such things.

Thanks for all of the replys. It helps me to be stronger when given all of the good advice. It also helps to know that a lot of XH's use the "greedy" angle to make the woman feel guilty for getting what she and the child deserves when dealing with CS.<p>I have a meeting with my lawyer January 2 to discuss the CS issues. I will know more about what to expect at that time. I am not a person that enjoys comfrontation but I know that if I don't fight for my son know then I won't ever get another chance. Plus, financially, my son will continue to suffer. <p>I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Maybe my lawyer can help me start my New Year off to the right start.<p>Love be with all of you!!

GO ON and get it. I'm with Anna and the others. It's automatic, you probably won't even have to go thru a judge. In Michigan, we have "friend of the court" which is the branch that deals with all things related to kids. They do it all, just file a motion for a review, no judge. You don't need any reasons at all, just a review. I don't even think you need a lawyer for it, that's how automatic it is (altho I would suggest a lawyer for the first time you have it reviewed just so you see how it works). His support should be based on what he makes and not so much on what you make.<p>Guess what, if you need a car, get one. It's not just YOUR need. Kids don't get places on foot you know. They need to have safe vehicles for their parents to be driving.<p>We were married to the same guy I think. I feel zero guilt. I get more of his paycheck than he does with spousal support. So what. Tough. He knew it would happen that way but it didn't stop him from sleeping with anything in a skirt. I'm going to have it reviewed again and again, every two years, because I know he's had raises and bonuses already. Why should you take on all the burden? Why should you feel an ounce of guilt? YOU did not make the laws, but you have to live by them as much as him, so make him. He's out there living the "free" life while you raise a child - it's his price to pay and yours to keep for doing the right thing. You can't stop him from being a jerk around your son, but you can remind him that placing your son in the middle with his lousy comments is mentally damaging to a child. He's a coward if all he can do is mouth off to his little boy rather than talk directly to you - or maybe he's afraid you're a formidable apponent. I think he's afraid of you and you should remember that, the next time you need some "balls".<p>Ok, so don't be as vindictive as I sound. Actually, I'm not, but here in this forum I just tend to sound off a little too loudly about how I feel, but it's not at all how I live. I just need a place to scream sometimes. You know.