Question for wives who betrayed their husbands. After 16 years of marriage and two children, my wife fell in love with OM. We are still together and the other relationship is off, although she says she still loves him.. Times can be hard emotionally but we are trying. It has only been 3 months since D-Day. I am thinking about giving her a one carat diamond for christmas to show my commitment to her in a material way. I have told her of my love in spoken words and writing many, many times so I believe this gift is strong proof. How would the wives in this forum react to such a gift, especially those who betrayed.

Heck! I bought mine a house!!! Okay... not a smart move in the real world granted. I looked at it like this... My wife is up there in the top 4 in importance. (Wife, children, myself) The order changes on for the situation but rarely does myself rate more important then the others. Money is not one of the important things. I can make more money and one dollar bill is very much the same as another. Wives and children are unique. <P>On the other hand, a dimond may make her feel pressured in some way to feel or act in a certain way and it may have the opposite effect. It depends on your wife and the situation. I know this doesn't help much but it really does depend on her and very few people here would know exactly how she would feel about it. I suspect that my wife would feel pressured by it... I hope I am not wrong though. Now I'm thinking about it!! Oh no! should I buy her a diamond too? ( my wife silly...not yours!)<P>

I guess I'm a little confused. What do you need to "prove" to her. You have stayed with her. You have stayed even when she is still appearantly indifferent to your feelings by stating that she still "loves" the OM. She is the one who has some proving to do. Not you!<P>Are gifts important to her to feel loved and have you been negligent in this area in the past? Was your neglect in this area a contibuting factor in her affair? If this is the case it is the only set of circumstances that would warrant any kind of a special gift. You don't mention your financial situation but no matter what it is the money would be better spent on good counseling then a gift so extravagant.<P>It seems to me you might be trying to buy her affection or worse rewarding her betrayal. I would think twice about this!

taker0076:<P>What a "guy" thing to do... <P>I'd suggest that you and your wife read Chapman's "Five Languages of Love" or the Light His/Her Fire series. And then I'd find smaller but more significant ways to profess your love to your wife.<P>In counseling with Steve Harley, he told me specifically to avoid "big-ticket" presents. They come across as bribes when the spouse is in the affair or still in withdrawal. Spend your efforts doing "unconventional" (for you) things that she will appreciate.