I just feel so bad today. I told my pastor about my abusive stbx and he told me I was right for leaving, but he has not called me back since. I've called peolpe for support and no one seems to care. I don't no why I thought my stbx would even try to call and save the marriage, but i have not hard from him in two weeks. <p>It was as simple as going to counseling!
I am not having regrets about leaving, but I am just .... I just need encouragment.

Marla<p>Sorry you are hurting. It may come as a bit of a surprise but people won't call you when you are hurting, because they don't know what to say. Find a friend who is willing and call them. It's sad that even when you are hurting you have to do the reaching out. <p>If your H is guilty of being abusive - he will avoid you. He will avoid you as a means of control. His view is that if he can make you come to him -he's in control. Don't call him.<p>Be strong - post here - people here know and understand where you are coming from. Find a friend, call your pastor back, make an appointment to talk to him - he does care, he just often doesn't know how to respond. H probably doesn't know how to approach you - and doesn't believe in divorce so you are making him adjust his thinking. Don't stop - get the help you need for yourself.<p>Hugs,<p>Jan

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Thank you for your replys. I go from feeling like I can handle anything, to crying like a baby. It's hard when you realize that "this is it". He does not want to try, nor is there a way to reverse everything that's happen. I am so sad today that I have a headache that won't go away.<p>I know that what I am doing is right, but the pain is so bad. I have to go to work everyday and fake like all is well (no one knows at work yet). People keep asking about my husband. What am I going to say when everything is final? They thought I had a perfect marraige. <p>This is so painful.

I'm sorry, I can't say I totally understand because my husband wasn't abusive, but I do understand how it feels to feel abandoned and rejected by someone you love. My husband left me 4 /12 years ago for OW and he finally disappeared; my son and I haven't seen him since Christmas three years ago. I haven't obtained divorce yet ($$$$, lack of), but I can say I've mostly gotten over the worst of a break-up so I can give advice speaking from what has worked for me.<p>My fist piece of advice is to stop pretending all is well at work. It will help you if people know that you and your husband are not together and will not get back together. If you don't want to go into detail, that's OK, but at least they'll know and you can stop pretending all is well. That will take away that stress...<p>Second, realize that you should be sad; it's normal to be sad. I had days that I cried on the way to work and on the way home and going to sleep at night, but just hang in there, go through the grief and you can come out the other end a stronger person. At first I could only take day at a time...I told myself that I could get through one day. Eventualy I determined that I would learn something good from this difficult time in my life and I worked towards that end. I read books, went to church a lot, got family counseling, made lots of changes in my life to reduce stress. <p>Find support in a friend, a church, a counselor, maybe even this site if you have time to post and read the messages.

Marla,
I read your message and I feel the exact same way today. This weekend was terrible. It's hard to hear your spouse say: they don't love you, they doubt that they ever will love you in the future, and really doubt that they ever really loved you. I know exactly how you must feel.<p>Please don't focus on today. That's whatI keep telling myself. I deserve to be treated better, I deserver repect and love. I hope you can adopt the same attitude.<p>I'm sorry you feel so terrible.<p>Jim

Thank you Jim and Deb.<p>Deb, you are right. I have to take it a step at a time. I told some people at work what was going on, and they was very supportive.<p>Jim, thank you for your kind words. Yes, it hurts like hell when someone you loved tells you that they don't care anymore. <p>I just had a crying spell a few minutes ago. I am just not use to being so emotional. Before him, I rearly cried. When I met him, I must have cried once a week.