My husband and I have been married for just over 1 year and he has just about decided he has made a big mistake and wants out. He is dealing with alot of emotional stress that has come out in counseling recently (his childhood was very stressful and he was forced to feel responsible for his mom at an early age since they were abandoned by his father when he was 2 yrs. old - apparently his mom depended on him too much and made him feel pressure to provide when he should have been being a kid). He is blaming me for making him miserable. Since we are separated (physically not legally) and he has not made much time for me in recent months, I feel this is a ridiculous accusation and that he is using me as an easy scapegoat for all this "baggage" instead of dealing with the problems honestly. I am trusting the Lord in this though the situation just seems to get worse and worse. I know God has the power to change his heart and reconcile our marriage. Just wondering if anyone out there has a good reconciliation story to tell. Most everyone has given up on my husband and I am feeling very alone. I think I should believe in him until the very end but am getting no support. I would like to hear a "hang in there" from someone who did and has not lived to regret it. Am I crazy and stupid to believe it could still be saved? Thank you for reading this.

Dear MCL,<P>I have a similar situation except that my husband and I are divorced. After being separated for a year and a half the divorce was final in May 1999. <BR>My husband changed during our marriage. His actions made me fall out of love with him and leave him.<BR>After the divorce was final, I began seeking out for help and guidance from God. I prayed that he would bring me a Good man to love.<BR>A couple days later, my ex called me up. I hadn't seen him in 6 months. <BR>He had gotten a job and was actually giving the information I needed to get the child support set up for our son. <BR>I allowed him to come see our son and when I saw him my attitude towards him was different. When he was leaving, I reached over and gave him a hug. The moment I touched him, all the anger and hate I had for him left. I felt the love I was had for him return. I was never able to allow him to hold my hand during our separation. I hated him that much. And my hate allowed me to get through everything. I pray every night for God to keep us going strong. I gave my life to God and trust that he has a future for me. <BR>I am cautious though. We take one day at a time. My family too, does not want me to be with him. I have very little support and only 2 people I can talk to. I think that you have to make yourself happy. But you can't make someone change and don't allow yourself to be hurt by him. I had to leave for a whole year and a half and get divorced before my ex decided to straighten up. Just pray to God. He will be there for you and he knows what's best. <P>Bentley

I am currently going through a similar situation, where my wife has left me, and has NO desire to 'work' on the marriage.<P>We have an 18 month old daughter that we both love dearly.<P>So far the process, while painful, has been amicable.<P>I have struggled with going from, 'if she doesn't even want to lift the slightest finger to stay together, then I'll be better off without her' to 'well, maybe I wasn't the sort of husband that ANYONE would want!'<P>We are each getting individual counseling, for what that's worth.<P>People that I have spoken with seem to think that she is not as confident in her decision as her actions would indicate. Of course asking her just elicits a 'YES, I am sure of what I'm doing.'<P>A couple of inconsistant actions would be, wanting to spend Thanksgiving together, wanting to spend our anniversary together. Sleeping in the same bed, and kissing me good night, things she hadn't done for over a month, the night before she moved out.<P>Right now, I am convinced that my wife's anger and hatred towards me has blinded her to the possibility that things can change.<P>Some of what she is mad about has merit. While other things have been, in my opinion, blown out of proportion to substantiate her decison.<P>I sure wish I had a crystal ball to see where this will all end up.<P>In the meantime, about all I can do is to get my emotional house in order, and work on improving my self for either her or whoever might come into my in the future.<P>I am very angry, and disappointed, in the fact that she will not even attempt to go to counseling. This inspite of the fact that we have a small child.<P>She feels, I think, that we are doomed to divorce eventually, therefore we should do it while our daughter is young enough to not be 'as' impacted by the divorce.<P>Interesting logic, but somewhat flawed, I think.<P>All I'm trying to convince myself of now, is that one way, or another, things will work out. I may reconcile with my wife, or the divorce may be finalized and we move in our seperate ways.<P>I know this isn't what you were looking for, but I thought it might help to know that you aren't the only one out there going through marriage problems.

Thanks for your stories. It is helpful to know I am not the only one struggling. Fortunately, we do not have any children. Things are always up and down with him. It is emotionally very difficult as it sounds like y'all know. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you will do the same for me. Thanks again, MCL.

I only want to express my delight to read something writen by a man that knows how to spell.<P>------------------<BR><P>

MLC,<BR>I too am separated from my wife. We have been married 7 years and have three children. We have had many problems over the course of our marriage and never stopped to take care of them. Thus, we are at the brink of divorce. My wife no longer wears her wedding rings. Like, you her family feels she should divorce me and move on and they are doing EVERYTHING possible to make the divorce a reality. We have been separated for 2 months, now and are in the middle of finalizing a separation agreement. She did not ask for divorce, but says that is the direction we are headed. She refuses counseling, saying 'she can take care of herself' and will not talk about anything. We are both Christians and are attending church together as a family. I'm so confused sometimes. We both love our children dearly, and feel divorce would hurt them, but no change in our course is on the horizon. At times I feel like selling my wedding band and moving on. But I know that is wrong and not what God wants. Its so frustrating and I do not wish this situation on my worst enemy! Anyway, just know that I will be praying for you and that you are not alone. Does anyone have a clue why she will not wear the rings? I'm puzzled.<BR>thanks,<BR>RobC

Rob C. Sounds to me like your wife has a lot of anger wrapped around her and one way of showing you her anger is to take the rings off. I think she is doing it more to hurt you than anything else. My husband gave me a diamond heart necklace for Mother's day last year. It is the first piece of jewelry (and the first real gift I have received from him for about 7years). In a fit, I took the necklace off and gave it back to him. Not because I didn't want it but because I wanted to hurt him. Sounds really immature, HUH? Actually there is a lot more to the story that I wont bore you with. Hope this is one insight.

Thanks Trying2,<BR>She does have alot of anger. She always has. It was evident in our marriage and her temperment around me and others. But the truth be known, I had alot as well, but just kept it inside. I appreciate your insight and also feel her removal of the rings is a chance to hurt me as I have hurt her (tit-for-tat i suppose). Well, I'm done with the anger and retaliation thing. It never hurts the target as much as the one dishing it out. However, she seems so up and down day to day and week to week. This week its "we are going to be divorced in one year". Last week it was "just keep doing what your doing, let me heal and we'll work on it". The rollacoaster hasn't stopped. I have resolved myself to get off. She filed, but wants to keep me on the ride. I don't want to be on it any longer. I still have hope for our marriage, but we will need help but she seems to be in denial about it. She still holds me responsible for EVERTHING. For example, I have lost 22 pounds over the last 2 months (was 226, now 204) and we were discussing how I have been excercising and doing the atlethic thing (always have been atletic), and I get the "i'm going in the opposite direction, because I have 3 kids to raise". It sounds like I will be to blame for the rest of my life - that stinks. I've been gone two months, shes still drinking, taking anti-depressants and looks miserable. I still love her so very much, but she rejects me still. I think I just need to let her go and feel the consequences of her decision. Life will go on. Anywho, I'd be glad to hear your story anytime.<BR>thanks,<BR>RobC