heres it is in a nutshell...i hope..2 months ago wife filed for divorce..i begged and pleaded for 3 days saying i could change...thought the whole thing was my fault,blaming myself for everything that went wrong.(we have 2 children daughter-5 son-1...I'm 29..and she 26) She said she didnt love me anymore and said she didnt think she could ever love me again. 3 days later i moved out. I couldnt stand being in the same house, loving someone so much, knowing they have no love in return. No matter how much it hurt to not see my kids everyday. We went to a mediator to try and settle things civil like. She wanted to try and keep the house, turns out she cannot afford to, even with my healthy weekly contribution. She went away for a weekend with some mutual friends of ours and another man (thought he was a good friend of mine) I confronted her about it, she says they are just friends and nothing sexual happened.3 weeks later i was feeling better about myself, realizing the blame wasnt all on me, I started to see things more clearly and get focused.I moved into an apartment that a friend of mine owns, he let me have it dirt cheap so i could afford to move out of my moms(shiver). Once i told her i had the apartment, she started to change her tune. I went over to see the kids, and she said "lets call this whole thing off, I can't afford to be happy". Nice thing to say, made me feel real good. That was two weeks ago. One way or another(everythings so foggy) I've been up here with her and the kids for 2 weeks now watching the kids, sleeping over. The 2 of us are getting along great...better than ever. And yes....though now im ashamed, i cant help it...im weak when it comes to this....we had sex 6x in the past 10 days....and thats really screwing up my head. I know i shouldnt have....but i just couldnt help it. so now she pretending like the past 2 months never happened and were just going to pick up right where we left off...but the more time i spend here, the more i realize i have to get out, but every time i say to myself im going to tell her i have to go back to the apartment for awhile, i cant bring myself to do it. I DO love her. But i dont know why im here.Is it just to make life easier for her? So she can stay in the house? Have her feelings changed? Can they? How can i trust her to be truthful? <BR> Like i said....im more confused now than i was 3 weeks ago when i was focused on my new life. please gimme a lil advice.

troyboy,<P>Everything you are feeling sounds pretty typical. However, you are in a very good spot....at least I would love to be in that spot. You ask why you are spending time with her and staying over etc and at the same time you say you lover her. Dont get hung up on her words, go by her actions. Words are often said in haste and anger and focusing on them will get you no where.<P>It great that you have calmed down and realize your shortcommings, Its also important that you realize its not all your fault, it rarely is.<P>Don't worry about her, sounds like you are waiting for her, but the truth is that if you do lover her and you know where you screwed up, you must change that behavior. You already know what works and it is likely she has pointed out your shortcommings. Dont get stuck in the mindset that you are changing for her, because you are not. If you adopt that mentality its like cutting off your nose to spite your face. You need to realize that the changes you make in your behavior are for the betterment of yourself and will be yours to take with you no matter what happens.<P>Her mind could have likely changed in that short of time, and its likely due to your sudden attentiveness to her. The key now is to keep it up, marriage is a job, treat it as one and you will also get paid.<P>Zyg

Thanks Zyg<P>But how do i know what she really wants and how do i know if shes being honest with me. Right now i have 0% trust in her. For instance, last night she said she was going to go to kickboxing right after work. I sat home with the kids wondering if she was actually there or with that other guy. i almost packed up the kids and took a ride. I cant go on living the rest of my life like that. I dont deserve that and im( i think) im better than that. I mean..what if the only reason im here is because things didnt work out fer her and the other guy and its easier fer her just to stay. I always told her if i ever made her that misserable, that i wouldnt want to stay married, i wouldnt want to be responsible for making her life misserable.(guess she called me on that). I confronted my friend about it via e-mail. He never replied, which to me just admits his guilt. And i know he read it because my wife told me he had gotten it.<P>I just feel like i have to get out of here fer awhile. Not for payback, or to cause pain(if it would) but just to make sure this is really what I want. Not for nothing, but after thinking about this for the last 2 months, makes me wonder if this is whats best for me....Its what i want...but is it the best thing. I mean this is the rest of my life, and others as well were talking about. Did i make a bad decision 6 yrs ago? am i about to make another one? At this point im too confused and there are too many questions i need truthful answers to make a clear decision. Is loving her enough? I don't know.I just have to move out and get some backbone back....i think

Oh..i forgot to mention..that weekend she went away...she had told me she and a girlfriend were going to Lake George just get away and think.....turns out she went to Maine w/ 2 other women and 3 men. And the thing that tipped me off was that i found some e-mail between her and my so called friend.