Good luck on your qwest... If you find something lete me know. I am a Christian and absolutely not ready for being single again. My divorce is final in Feb 2002. I know what I want and I do not plan to settle for less...so if it is not the person I want holding my hand at either of my parents funeral..... I will not be sleeping with them. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

There are two articles in Focus on the Family's (Christian based) Single-parent Family Feb 2000 issuse on courting and dating.<p>Books that are recommended are as follows: for dating, "Bounderies in Dating" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. <p>For courting: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris and a Focus on the Family Article titled "Courtship: The Comeback of the 90's". Also "Choosing God's Best" by Don Raunikar.<p>I think it is how you approach the whole matter of finding a partner. In dating, you are spending one on one time having fun with that honeymoon feeling. This can lead to the false impression that this is what the future may hold.<p>Where in courting, you are surrounded with others and there is no special one on one time where those "honeymoon" feeling can develop and you can take the time to see what a person is really like in a multitude of situations. The person will act like s/he "normally" acts and you can make a decision that is something you can accept, so thats when you start to date that person.<p>I guess my biggest question is where do you get the group of people to do the courtshiping with ??? I think the most other people I could scare up at any one time would be 2 other couples.<p>[ December 31, 2001: Message edited by: RWD ]</p>

RWD- those are good resources you mentioned- I've read or am reading some of them. As for your question about groups of people- check Equally Yoked
http://www.equallyyoked.com/index.html
or do a search for other single (maybe Christian) activity groups in your area. The Christian singles groups that I've seen don't necessarily do anything "christiany", but they are clean and wholesome, and you do get a chance to see others in a casual setting.<p>Also- lots of good stuff in the questionnaires on this site-
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4500_resource.html
If a potential couple were to fill these out and discuss them, they&#8217;d be way ahead of the game.<p>[ January 07, 2002: Message edited by: jw3 ]</p>

I just read an excert from Joshua Harris' book, "I kissed dating goodbye"<p>http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...rpt/ref=pm_dp_ln_b_3/103-0491249-9725457<p>That pretty much sums up my beliefs about dating vs. courtship (without the Christian emphasis though). <p>I envy my parent's relationship. They've been married going on 40 yrs now. Pretty rare thing these days, apparently.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by seekingjoy2:
<strong>She's written a list of traits - together with actions that indicate these traits, and labeled them as to their importance to her. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>I would love to see your daughter's list....would you/she be willing to share?<p>I am beginning to understand that I have to have such a list and hold every guy I meet up to it. Do they fit? Do they not fit?<p>It's like Michaelangelo said when sculpting the statue of "David"...."I just chipped away everything that wasn't David."<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

jw3,
Maybe I misunderstand what courting involves. I thought it would involve groups of people known already. I would think that joining a brand new group would increase the chances of just hooking up with one person if it is a group of unknown people. <p>Also joining in with a group of newly divorced people seems inccrese the chance of striking up a one on one relationship with someone just as damaged as we are at that time.<p> Look at all the questions that come out about how soon to date or what should I do as I have been separated for few number of months and I have new friend living with me already.<p>[ January 04, 2002: Message edited by: RWD ]</p>

I came across this article on a "single parent" website but it pertains to anyone dating, has some interesting points about "courting". Here is the article...<p>http://www.family.org/spfmag/relationships/a0009828.html

RWD-
Not sure if we&#8217;ve got the terminology correct, but it sounded like you were interested in being with groups of people, getting to know people without "dating" them, but finding out enough about someone to perhaps lead to dating them in the future. There should be little or no 1-1 pressure, or trying to impress one other person. My (limited) experience with &#8220;singles groups&#8221; leads me to believe that these may be a good place to do this. You can be in a group of people just doing &#8220;stuff&#8221;- having dinner, playing volleyball or other games, watching a movie at someone&#8217;s house, etc. Around where I live, there seems to be groups for everyone- young, middle aged, older, with or without kids, never married, divorced, whatever. Sometimes they&#8217;re all mixed together! My impression is there are few if any separated or newly divorced people in these types of things. Hopefully, the separated or newly divorced folks would be in a divorce recovery group, where a &#8220;no dating&#8221; policy would be in effect and an adherence to some time alone would be followed to relearn how to be OK with yourself.
I do agree with what was in the &#8220;Single Parent&#8221; article, although that was a pretty quick meeting to married timeline!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TheStudent:
<strong>WIFTT,<p>My personal observation is that people in long-term marriages are much more "enlightened" and mature than those who hop from person-to-person all their lives. Just my opinion.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'm late to the party la la la la - hey student, did you ever consider that the hoppers are the ones unfortunate enough to keep making the same bad choices?<p>And the mature and enlightened ones are decent people who were healthy enough to chose healthy mates the first time around?<p>My personal opinion is based on the observance of the prevalence of codependant relationships in our society. A lot of hurt and angry people out there. And they whip around looking for someone new to "make" them happy. When what they should be doing is using this time alone to work on the parts of themselves that are hurting.<p>For instance, why did you cut your hair? You were afraid that someone would find you attractive and you fear being rejected again. In a way, though, you are rejecting yourself and these feelings are reflected in the physical act of cutting your hair.<p>It seems obvious to me now that the success of a marriage isn't based on the chancy relationships developed though the first dating scenario that you described. A lot of the success is based on the couple both being mentally healthy and emotionally healthy people.<p>This to me means learning to take care of and to love mySelf (not selfishly, not the ego), and by being more healthy, I will attract more healthy people to myself, and weed out the users.<p>Other than that, I think that you are on the right track to refuse sex and look for committment(for sex) or even friendship. Sex always clouds the issue of compatibility.