Hello,<p>I have been busy with the lawyer this past week. For those who don't know, we can't file for divorce for a year after separation in Australia, which means it can't be done until July.<p>In the meantime I was advised to protect our assets, shares and stuff, so that H can't sell them, and hide the money, etc. Also it was recommended that I get a residency order, which is what we call custody over here.<p>So I went to a lawyer and applied for those things, and filled in forms etc. He seems to be a good guy, and is trying to rush things through so that it will be organised by the time H gets here for his holiday in January. We will have to go to a hearing while he is here (YUCK).<p>I feel really awful about doing this, I just know what H is going to think, but that money is our children's, always was for their future, so I believe I have to do this for them. We didn't accumulate that money just so he could snatch it for OW.<p>I have not told anyone in his family I have done this, as I don't want him to have prior warning before he gets here, in case he starts shifting assets before he even gets here. <p>But the thing is, I feel like such a b****. I just can't help it, even though I know this is the right path to take.<p>Lawyer said when H is here I have to keep the lines of communication open, so that perhaps we can negotiate things without court......I can't see that happening when H finds out, he will be very angry. Oh well.<p>Anyway, just thought I would share this development in my situation.<p>Love and light everyone.<p>Jacky

You are doing the right thing jackie, do not give into him in anyway, In the USA they say a dicorce is a finacial exercise, you are only protecting your share and your childrens future. My ex made out OK and Other man is having a good time with there new sports car and boat, they are even talking about buying a house, It is her share to do what she wants and I gort mine, don't feel quilty for claiming what you worked for, for you and the children.

Hey Jacky,<p>I know exactly how you feel. Your head knows you are doing the right thing but your heart feels as if you are the doing the betraying. I hated the day I filed, even though I'm glad I got the process started. <p>I got a copy of my court papers today in the mail. Funny thing is that I'm so otherwise happy right now that I don't care.<p>I just had my faith restored in my ability to move forward on a personal level and I just today found out that my company was sold to a major worldwide company and that I was getting a great job offer and salary increase. <p>Right now, my future's so bright... I've got to wear shades... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Please continue to post if you can during your H's visit. The support here is priceless. <p>Good luck with your lawyer and this process. Mike and I discussed the theory of at what time the actual divorce takes place. We decided that in my case at least, the legal part of it is not was consistitutes the divorce. In my case, it was clear that my husband issued me a divorce when he moved out and started giving his self to another woman. At that point the vows we took were broken and so was our marriage. If we had reconciled the old marriage would still be gone and we would have had to re-state our vows to re-marry. Regardless of what the courts say or what papers are filed etc. I don't feel married now. In fact I already feel divorced. <p>I'm still struggling, I'll admit it, but I know I've done the right thing. I hope you have the same peace I do. The mechanics may need a bit of refining but the purpose is solid. Our marriages are essientially over. Hard to accept, I know.<p>Oh no, son just knocked Christmas tree over. I hear glass breaking everywhere! I gotta go!<p>Lynn

As you have read, about 25% of our total taxable wealth, XW bought a luxurious new Expedition. . .
and this money was for kids, a new house or summer vacation trips to really explore the US. . . .
also, 9 yo d told me tonight that mom has been going on shopping sprees and impulsively buying stuff she sees.<p>take care of your future, so that the kids will have one. and always be careful of what the legal profession tells you to do. I have been told by one lawyer that the lawyers will haggle until there is no more money, and then the agreement is miraculously made. . . . also, be careful what you say . . . . it can always be used against you somehow.<p>and no, divorce is not always a financial exercise, it may be with reasonable people, but not with totally selfish people. They want it all! remember that!<p>good luck
wiftty

Thanks for replies so far.<p>I know these things aren't fair, and I know they are not going to go well between us......he will probably laugh outright at my papers......he doesn't realise I only asked what I am entitled to.<p>Still feel like a B****, though.<p>That money was put away for our kids, I don't see why that changes now, whoever has the money. But I am selfish enough to realise that should I not make a claim, it will go to OW somehow, someday.

Hello,<p>Nina I think you did the best. You have to protect your kids' property.<p>I was obviously insane in the moment of signing this "deviding property agreement" in court (sorry, that's my English).<p>Now I am aware that I was a full, I left him complete company (at least 500.000 $), 3 floor house...all not to make him angry and to give reconciliation a chance (there is for sure no connection between those two facts) all to him and now the new baby is coming. My 2 girls now will have to devide all the property (one day) at least to 4 pieces (OW+OC) , if will continue to be so "quick" maybe more.<p>So you do everything possible to protect your kids.<p>If you find time please read my last thread.<p>Wish you happy holidays

Your H has long since stopped looking out for you and your kids' interests, Jacky, so you have to. That's not being a b**** or anything like it.<p>And even if he says it is b****y- well, what's he?<p>Obviously, I don't encourage name-calling- but remember, you're taking these actions against your will, you have to do this to protect you and your kids. It's anything but malicious, though he may try to tell you it is.<p>Any meeting you have with him now will be a test of detachment. If he gets angry and hateful, you don't have to return the favor at all. Stay calm, don't argue. <p>Good luck- you know where to find me if you need support.

Hey Jacky...<p>Lynn is right, though legally you're still married, he emotionally "divorced" you a long time ago. It's not like you're storing this money away for yourself... he obviously isn't thinking about the kids, like he says he is... so you need to do the thinking for both of you.
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You will feel like a b*(ch - so what... that's Not what you're being. You're being a responsible adult caring in the best way you within the resources available to you.<p>Hope you're having a good weekend...<p>Warmly,
Nicole<p>ps - the 10 yr anniversary passed yesterday without too much emotion or negative incidence. My personal attendant (from our wedding) lives in the area and she came over to have a glass of wine with me. Quite nice. I gave my H a plant that blooms this time of year, as he gave me the same plant for our one year anniversary. Oh well... did he say anything get anything? No. I didn't expect it this time.