I know Christmas is coming up and all, some days it seems I don't feel bad at all (D-day was 11-5-01) and some days it hurts so bad I can't barely stand it. <p>Ex kept driving by for about 1 1/2 mos. then last sat nite, dropped all his stuff from house off at his aunts. She told me he said he loves me, but he's making lies up about me to everyone in his pointless defense. <p>As I drove home at 5:30am Sun morning from his aunts, he was waiting down the street (I guess to see what time I got in!!)<p>I haven't seen him in my neighborhood since then (last weekend). <p>I know he's not good for me, I know he cheated several times, I know he lied to me all the time and I know he wasn't a believer. <p>I also know THESE are the consequences of NOT listening or taking it to Jesus FIRST and of being UN equally yoked to a non-believer. <p>IT STILL HURTS so much. I feel in my heart I'm never gonna see him again, I'm the one who loved this man more than anything, his aunt told me he's not hurting or feeling bad at all and he already has a 'steady' relationship with someone else. <p>I can't don't and won't right now cuz I don't have it in me. I lean on Jesus and He eases the pain but I feel like I'm dying sometimes on the inside like HE DIED when he left me. <p>It feels like a death or something. EVEN tho I know he's not good for me in any way because of the emotional abuse, etc. <p>what is wrong with me?? His grandmother (not being bias of course!!!) told me I'd NEVER get over him when you 'love someone that much!'<p>Is this true???<p>Thanks for your input...<p>Jordan

No it is not true. It is not him you have to get over, the truth has been revealed, your head knows the real deal.....now it is time for your heart to heal, and it will, if you let it, it is a choice. Also it is like a death, odd though it seems, it does appear to be true that relationships, all relationships are "alive" in some sense, and the same grieveing process we go through when we lose "somebody" we fo through when we lose a relationship. No matter the nature of the relationship, we still grieve it, and must go through the stages (and take the time). In the meantime taking care of oneself is the medicine, and part of taking care is using your head to make sense of your feelings. Sort of like physical training, you feel pretty awful, and like you are gonna die (when you push it) but your head knows a year from now you will have gotten someplace you want to go (and will "feel" much better when you get there), so you just keep on doing it. <p>Life is like this in many ways, and it is this interaction of head and feelings that keeps us balanced. Likewise oft times our "feelings" tell us to do something, and our head says naaaahh, but we go with our intuition/feelings (subject to some commonsense review) and our head catches up later. All of this is greatly enhanced in love relationships (the rollercoaster), the hopes, the fears, the anger, the rejection, the good times, the bad times..... but ultimately, if one is to live in a healthy manner, all must sit down and make a analytical assessment of what is going on, and whether their "feelings" are in line with the reality of their particular relationship circumstances..... and then act on it. <p>You know the "truth" of yours, as much as one can ever, part of the difficulty is the notion that people can change, that your spouse could become everything you need someday, and it is very hard to let that fantasy go, and assess them in the present. Some will try for a lifetime to "fix" someone, others will not try at all. How one "decideds" also reflects who they are, their own fears, their own dependentcies. Some will not let go even when they themselves are completely abandoned (not just divorced, but abandoned, thrown away without the slightest compassion), that is not love, it is another form of obssession, but they get stuck, and play the victim for a lifetime.<p>IMO the way one "survives" these kinds of things, is by being proactive, talking with people, doing the self-introspection work, observing that life does not end, people usually recover and do just fine.....especially if they learned from the experience. You also take care of yourself. Being alone for awhile does have some advantages, and one should embrace the freedom of singleness for a time..... not desperately seek out companionship (as often happens, my reading about divorce is that people often go through a period of sexual promiscuity, that is not good, and you avoid such things by doing your homework so you understand this stuff). You exercise, take up a hobby, visit distant relatives, maybe move, get a new job, it is a time of exciting possibilities, if you open up to it. Yes the pain is there, but pain is a funny thing, it seems to hurt less when we don't focus on it, when we sort of distract ourselves and realize suddenly that when we weren't looking the pain stopped sometime.<p>In your case jordan, it seems you have all the facts you need. The relationship was unhealthy NOW, and you did the work you could to be sure of that, all that is left is to give up the fantasy of what could of been, or how someone could be if they just weren't who they are, the mighta beens, coulda beens, shoulda beens, and you will give it up with time, if you want to, if you keep walking toward the light, the sun will shine again, you will find real love, safe love, honest love, and it will heal the last sore place in your heart.

thank you...