I have been reading this site for about a month now. I think its wonderful and have tried very hard to be nicer to my husband and not react to things he says and does that bother me. I'm very honest and don't mind telling people, like my husband, if I don't agree with what he says and does. I have stoped doing this now because it makes him mad and defencive and we have a big fight. So now I say nothing and we don't fight. Whoopee. I'm sorry though, that is not my question. I have tried to interest him in reading Dr Harley's information, I even e-maild the site to him, he discarded it. He says he's too busy to read it just now. He's a truck driver and only home a few day a week usualy.So when he is here he has alot of work to do keeping things caught up on like house repairs, yard work and the like. So I wondered if its a bad idea for me to tell him that if he doesn't have time to improve our marriage and happiness together then I guess I don't have time for it either so I'm just going to start planning my escape. Is this a bad idea or will it make him decide to read it? What do you think?<P>------------------<BR><P>

Whoa!! I'm confused...I thought you love your H and are trying to make things work???<P>Do NOT confront him with "you either do this, or I'll do THAT!" Guaranteed argument, and probably some stomping out too!! Major lovebuster.<P>You want him to read this site. Okay, he's offering you excuses that he's too busy, not that he WON'T read it. Great conflict avoidance, lol. Here's what you do. He dumped the email--he doesn't have time to read it at home. You be EVER so sweet and thank him for all the things he does around the house...sweet, sweet, sweet....oh, and you've printed materials from this site and packed them for his spare time out on the road!! Tell him you'd love to share thoughts about the information when he returns home again.<P>Try that. My H will sometimes investigate things on his own, esp. if it's easily accessible...what I wanted him to do, but on his terms. Ya see?

Hi Lucks, I know I shouldn't have been thinking that way. He was home for 9 days in a row, I'm not used to that. He always makes such a mess of the house and I'm disabled so it takes me a few days to clean up after him when he's been home just two days, this time he was here for 9, it's gonna take me a week. And he doesn't have time to read this but he does have time to sit with his mom for hours 2 to 3 times a day and drink coffee. I love his mom and enjoy her company too but I would like some attention also. I was just frustrated. I am going to be sweet and bake bread and cookies and all that good stuff he likes,` I've been doing that alot lately, and trying not to engage in fights with him for the ignorant things he say's. Its hard but I am getting better at it. I can't print any of this for him to read on the road. I have webtv not a computer. I talked to him about buying the books and he seemed interested on the phone but when he got home decided we don't have the money. He has been reading other books on the road. I think its called The Power for Living. Sounds like good stuff from what he tells me on the phone but he's pointing the finger at me for things he is terribly guilty of. I know I'm far from perfect too but I think his time will be much better spent removeing the stick from his own eye. I'm guilty of this too sometimes I know, but I am working on me to be a better wife and person. He doesn't seem to believe he needs improvement. Well anyway thank you for your reply and don't worry I'm going to be patient.<P>------------------<BR><P>

What about buying the audio tapes for him to listen to on the road?

Well SueB that would be a great idea and I'll suggest it to him next time we speak. I can't buy them for him, he earns all the money in this household. I'll go right now and check how much they cost. Thank you so much for your reply.<P>------------------<BR><P>

Wait, wait, wait....<P>This is a marriage, i.e. EQUAL partnership. So what if he's the sole breadwinner--to me, that just means in your situation that is what you both agreed to do--he works, you stay at home. He's reading a book, well, you want to read one too and share with him what you learn. Isn't improving your relationship worth under $20?? <P>Sounds to me like your H needs some relationship lessons!! You certainly have your work cut out for you and it IS going to take a lot of patience. But don't give up, and keep showing him the RIGHT way.<P>My H doesn't always do what I ask him to do around the house either...but when I've had enough, he complies. Of course, he complies in a much more friendly fashion when I maneuver in the right way. Especially beginning with compliments! "Oh you pretty man...and so STRONG too!--that reminds me...would you help me carry this box in from the garage?" He realizes he's being maneuvered but in such a positive way sometimes it actually works!<P>TELL him when things bother you. Calmly. And ask for his suggestions on how to make the situation better. "Honey, I realize how much your mom needs to spend time with you, but I'm feeling a little bit like second fiddle. Can we spend some quality time together tomorrow, you and me? Not only are there a few things I need your help with around the house, but I'd love to spend some romantic one-on-one time together too!"<P>Whatdaya think?