Ok, Here's the question...<p>What in the heck is wrong with me? I can't seem to get over and beyond this crap. I'm so scattered... one minute sad... the next angry. I'm waking up thinking about all the crap, for the past two years.<p>It could very well be,that my ex H is taking the WHo** to our home town for a big family function. Oh, and he is taking my son. Also, my kids received presents from her, they came in the mail this week. See, my ex is living in the house until it sells and she lives in another country, so our mail is forwarded. My kids don't know that the packages came...(any ideas??)<p>So... I want to know why I can't get over this... how do you let go???? I know I'm smarter than this and I hate the thought that this is getting the best of me. <p>I've been told that when I'm angry, its really my sadness... but all this is doing is hurting me... its like a posion... This doesn't do anything to him... just hurts me more...<p>I know I've rambled.... just looking for some wise advice/suggestions..<p>Thanks..s

Hey...<p>Gosh, I'm really sorry that you're in this situation so long after you X has left. It must be the holidays that are triggering these emotions. <p>Why are you feeling this way? Well, from the sounds of it, you've spent a significant amount of your life with this man making memories and traditions. Suddenly, it's been interrupted.<p>Go easy on yourself. This is normal... ride it out, the highs and the lows. You will survive. Come here, pour your heart out... we will try to support you as you've supported others. We all WILL get thru this... we have to!<p>Take care and try to find one nice thing to concentrate on this holiday season.<p>Warmly,
Nicole

Hi. I might be way off, but I'd say that you might have a tendency to internalize it. You've been registered here for over a year and a half, and only have 144 posts. I could do 144 at a clip, but that's just me!<p>Letting go to me involves keeping myself focused on now, and a future that I am not sure of. Nothing makes it hurt less, but I practice being content in whatever situation I am in. For me, the accidental 'Mr. & Mrs' cards from so-called 'close' family members is a little rough, considering my D was final in May. The special Christmas cards that our worthless Church sent me were a little unnerving at first, but I was able to reframe that one. 'Infallible'? Sure you are, but she isn't with your program...ironic, to say the least!
Anger is ANGER. It stems from pride, not sorrow. Your anger is YOURS. Its not pretty, but accept it for what it is. Do not try to minimalize it behind a weaker, less responsible emotion like sadness. Big mistake, IMHO. What makes you angry is you. You choose to take a meaning from a thing, and if it violates your sensibilities, then you get angry about it. Simple. In an attempt to make you (make you, I said) feel less awful about yourself, you are being told that it is not your fault. Yes, it is. (The anger, I mean.) Own it...it belongs to you as much as the sorrow, and it is a far better motivator, to boot. I cherish my broken heart, and shame. I dared to open up, and I have some great memories. I had hoped that it would continue, but it just didn't. At some point, you've got to get out of why, and on to your new life. The desire to extract (forcibly sometimes) a deeper meaning, or gain a profound insight is keeping you too close to it, IMHO.<p>I don't think I will ever be glad its over...like she is saying. That says a lot more about me than her. The low road is that she has 'moved beyond' me, and 'never loved me'. I'm not sure what the high road is any more. I'm just glad that I'm alive, glad that two of my sons are still coming here, and that I have made more friends in the last 7 months than I lost in the divorce. I enjoy not having to ask, or worry about how another person feels about my actions.<p>Your XH made a decision to stop loving you after a VERY long time. My XW did the same. The reasons don't matter, and they both took their baggage elsewhere...the good, and the bad, too.<p>I also suspect that you are intellectual, and that it disturbs you that emotions can overrule intellect so easily, but look again. Much of the good in a relationship for me is that I don't have to intellectualize it at all...I can just let it be. Now, I am forced to work at it, and that's not fair! Well, it isn't, but that's probably why most people avoid thinking in the first place! Have you ever considered that the ruminating about it to a microscopic level is why you can't let go? Why you get angry? I don't like it, either, but hey...she is the one on the outside of my life, and not the other way around, despite what she might tell you.<p>There is much for me to be angry about in my life, and I do spend time being angry about it. I just don't allow it to rule my entire existence any more. I wish that you did not have to be where you are in your life, but that is not going to help in a practical way. Practice being content. Happiness to me is more a process than a destination.<p>This year, remember that Christmas is the gift of salvation from a life without God. We have Christmas, IMHO...because winter is death, and Christmas is renewal. Divorce is death, too...except that in the WS/BS situation, it is more like murder. If your H had died, you would be sad, and angry, but it would be different, wouldn't it? Well, he didn't, and we will never know. It is pointless to try and compare, and you will do far better to embrace your sorrow, instead of trying to push it away. You deserve to grieve your loss...it is the only way to derive any meaning from the marriage. You'd be just like the WS if you did not allow it to run its course. How you react to it, and what you do with it are the important questions. When you get on the other side of it, you will likely be able to reframe it, and get some insight then. Like the others have said, relax some here. Do not fear, or loathe your humanity. Not all emotions are pretty, but they beat not feeling anything by a mile. I'd rather be sad than unfeeling, and I'd rather be angry than complacent. Above all...I'd rather feel this portion of my life unprotected by ADs, or even conventional therapy. I'm tired of being told to feel good about my divorce. I will feel bad about it if I bloody well want to! People HATE talking about it almost as much as they hate hearing us rail about it. Tough. ("I can't hear you!') That's what we are here for...to rail, and be railed at. (You might want to post more frequently...it will let you work through it, and most of these people can relate in some way to your situation.)<p>Have a wonderful holiday...I, for one, am glad you are here, and I look forward to moving through this dark valley with all of the people here. God Bless. -Mike

Echoing the other posts: you sound normal to me- angry, hurt, normal. <p>It reminds me of my mom, after my dad died, having trouble sleeping, having anxiety attacks, ringing in her ears, other depression symptoms. Her doctor said "well, your husband of 38 years just died unexpectedly- of course you're depressed and anxious." She rode it out, and eventually healed. I'm sure you will too.