Hi all my friends here at MB...just a long overdue update...
I finally moved in with my folks and returned back to college. Our 14 year son is still with me while STBX is still running...emotionally as well as physically.
It's been 2 years and 3 holiday seasons since H walked out...and he still is in lala land.
I tried at a reconcilation but no one can do this alone...and his commentment was never really there.
Our D has been postponed 3 times but I believe in Feb. it will finally be over.
I have accepted my life wihout him ( not truly happy) but content in my new direction of returning to school, to persue my B.A and then yes even my masters....lol lol Now that I am on a roll don't want to stop. I enjoy people and still believe this is all God's plan and will someday be reveavled to me ...in the meantime I can see how far I have come since Nov 12 1998. Still the roller coaster ride of emotions at times...but I am working on getting rid of the anger that sometimes grips me. the why's and should and shouldn't"s...Anyway to those out there just starting the D process hang in it will get better.
Heard something about " This being so difficult because of the fear that we may never find another that we loved as much as our spouse.."
But it can happen...and if it doesn't at least I had a loving man in my life for 28 years and know what kind of relationship I deserve and am willing to risk to get it.....
Blessings to all and may your New Year be the best it can ....
tyra [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Hello Tyra,<p>I don't know if I can help you, but I'll try.<p>My world/life change 10/99... my divorce was final 4/01. You can read the other details at the end of my post.<p>I have been told, that the anger and bitterness that we experience is actually sadness... yes I KNOW EXACTLY what you mean re: the should/would/could etc..... Of how things should have been. I have been so frustrated with myself lately ... why??? Because I think I'm smarter than this... why do I let allllll the emotions control me???? Well, someone told me.. its not a matter of being smart, its because of the many years together and its a matter of the heart.<p>I too believe that God has a plan for us. I can't wait for it to be revealed!! But if you knew anything about me, I'm impatient... I want it now... eventhough I know I must be patient. Heck, I can't stand it when I have presents waiting for me...!!!<p>I"m also going back to school... furthering my education. Yep, its hard....but I'm gonna do it... and so are you!!!<p>I've been able to physically talk with individuals who have been in our spot. That really helps me. Yes, all are comfortable with their lives... all have remarried... yes, they are truly happy with their marriages. I'll be honest, some had a hard time trusting ...(due to the affair their ex-h/ex-w had). But all have been honest to tell their new mates.. that they may at times have a problem with the trust issue and I can say that they have all said their spouse understands. Also, they have all said it takes time.... they totally understand when I'm being whipped around on the rollercoaster ride.
What I hate is when the anger gets ahold of me... WOW... I never thought it could control me like that. <p>I too tried at reconcilation... but like you said no one can do this alone.... I felt like I was walking and talking to a brick wall. <p>I must tell you one thing I've heard from the spouses that we're left behind..... at some point several years later, they have either heard , seen or had some type of sign of regreat from their former spouses. Sooner or later, it will all catch up with them...(boy, and do I want to see that...lol)<p>What is sad, is when I think of the children. <p>Don't know if I helped you... <p>Blessings to you this holiday season...
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