I GOT MARRIED 5 MONTHS AGO BUT WAS WITH HER 7 YEARS GOING STEADY. FOR THE PAST 3 MONTHS I'VE BEEN MISERBALE I WANT TO GO OUT WITH MY FIRENDS IN REALITY TO MEET OTHER PEOPLE AND ENJOY OTHER THINGS IN LIFE BESIDE BEING IN A HOUSE WITH THAT PERSON 24/7. MY WIFE IS A GREAT PERSON THE BEST BUT RIGHT NOW I FEEL I'M NOT READY FOR THIS COMMITMENT, I'VE ALSO LOST A LOT OF THE PHYSICAL ATTRACTION FOR HER, I FEEL LIKE I'M TRAPPED. I FELT WE LASTED SO LONG GOING STEADY BECAUSE I HAD MY LIBERTY. PLEASE HELP -- WE ARE SEPARATED RIGHT NOW FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A PERIOD OF THREE MONTHS!!!<BR>Post message comments By the way thanks for your responses! <BR>In regards to living together before we got married no we didn't. I would have loved to<BR>but her parents would not allow it. When I got married I had my doubts I guess like everybody else and if I didn't marry her I would have probably doubted myself for the rest of my life thinking what would have been if that would have happen. So iwent along with it and took the step but now it's backed fired on me. Again I repeat she is a great person she's really in love with me reats me well but I cannot say the same for me. I look at my life and say there should more things to life than this. I'm 28 yrs old and I don't know i expect more things out of life. I see all these spring breaks and parties that go on and say wow I haven;t done that now Im married I won;t be able to either things like that for example. I mean I had my fun when before her in regards to seeing other people and stuff and obvioulsy partying but I say to myself wait in 10 years more years I'll be 40 and guess I won;t bea ble to pick up a girl who's her 20's no more unless I get the lottery! SO I guess what I mean I need to enjoy my younghood what's left of it!!! In addition to seeing my younghood flash before my eyes I also see that being married had limited me to alot of finacial things that I used to acquire before easily. NOw I have more responsibility and we acan afford it's not that it's just that I have to limit myself in regards to getting things that I want that before when I was single I could buy and not to think about a mortgage! That's the things that's most bothering me because you only get one chance at life after its gone, so are you!!! Thank you again for your replies it makes me really happy to see your reponses! <P>[This message has been edited by LIV2BHAPPY (edited November 26, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by LIV2BHAPPY (edited November 26, 1999).]

Hi Happy,<BR>Did you guys live together when you were dating? If so, why did you have so much freedom then and not now? If not, perhaps you are just going through a major adjustment period. The first year of marriage can be pretty wierd. Why did you finally decide to marry her? Was it because you were given an ultimatum, or is it just what you really wanted? Sorry there are more questions than answers, but it's hard to understand where you're coming from without knowing all of this.

If you haven't done so, you should read one of Dr. Harley's books. I would suggest Give and Take or His Needs Her Needs. You can order them on this site. It helps put a perspective on what marriage is all about and what both spouses need to do if they want to be married. Good luck.

Ok, I may take a bit of flak for this one, but for heaven's sake, grow up! What did you think marriage meant? Did you truly expect to continue your happy party lifestyle? Marriage means commitment, responsibility, maturity, devoting yourself to one person and one person only for the rest of your life. You say that your wife is a beautiful, sweet person who treats you well. Instead of whining, be damned grateful for that fact.<P>You say you are 28. Guess what? Life doesn't end at 40. Or even 50. And frankly, most 40 year old men aren't interested in what a 20 year old bimbo has to offer (no offense to the 20 year olds in here)...they want a woman with substance, a woman who can not only be wonderfully sexy, but also carry on an intelligent conversation.<P>I am sorry that you got married before you were (apparently) ready. But the fact is, you did. Time to face the music. Instead of worrying about yourself, and your need to be the 'man of the hour', try concentrating on your sweet wife, and letting her know just how wonderful you think she is. She's yours. For life.

Dear Live2Bhappy,<BR>Here’s a thought: why not become best friends with your wife? Best friends hang out together and party together and take “spring breaks” together…….. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean these fun times have to end. On the contrary, you now have a built-in best friend (with benefits!) to do all of this stuff with! I think you just need to adjust the way you are looking at marriage. It’s NOT a trap; rather, it’s a springboard from which to take flight (with your wife)! I’m sure you love your wife, but your fear of what you’re missing out on is distorting your perception and causing you to believe the world is passing you by. It’s really not. And in comparison with what you can have when you are in an intimate, mutually caring relationship, all of these partying good times and hot young babes pale in comparison – believe me. Just imagine this for one moment: how would you feel if tomorrow your wife suddenly vanished? How would it feel to live in this world without her? I bet all of these good times you think you’re missing out on would suddenly be meaningless. . Sure, you have more responsibilities now, but the rewards are tenfold if you allow them in. Take your motto (live2Bhappy) to heart – and do it with your wife. You’ll see how it will all change….. Good luck! <BR>