Married for 2 1/2 yrs. Going through some issues and we are getting separated. (even when I don't want to) We both work. We are going to seek counseling aft aft NYeve. <p>Here is the story:<p>We do not have children. Right now we are living with her mother (since we were just about to start building our house I must say I was convinced to move in there in order to save some money. we had everything ready, permits, floorplans, etc).<p>It just happened with no apparent reason, no warning, no nothing. 4 weeks ago I was on a busns trip and I called home and she was not there, she finally called me at 4:30 am telling me that she was out drinking with some of her old friends. I got mad since she never told me she was going out, she never called me and I was worried and honestly upset since she had never done that before.<p>After coming back from my trip things got worse. She started going out everynight. After wor (we work for the same company, and to answer your question, I do make more $) she would tell me that she would be going to a friends house and then she would not come back until late (any time between 1:30 am and 4:30 am) <p>The first few times I got angry but then after talking she told me that her mother told her that
she had seen that our relationship was getting "dull" (and I have to agree) That I was depressed, etc. etc.<p>To make this long story short, the first 2 weeks she went out every night but at least she came back home. for the last week she does not even come back home anymore, she tells me that she can't be there with me. <p>She blames me (and me only) for the dullness of our relationship and she says she wants to have fun and to be free, etc, etc<p>She finally accepted on going to counseling (but after the holidays... since she does not have
time now.. she is too busy having fun)<p>She is basically forcing me to move out. she tells me that if I don't move out then she will not return home nor go to counseling<p>All I keep telling her is that I am sorry for whatever happened (since she blames me for everything and the only thing she keeps on doing is trying to humiliate me in any way possible)and that I Love her and I want to work things out. <p>Then she tells me that I should pay for everything, even for the things that I never paid for (on agreement). <p>Then she wants me to play the same game telling me that I should go out and have fun with my friends, etc. etc. but right now I am not feeling well emotionally and I can's see me pretending to have
fun when in reality I feel like crap<p>Do I have any chance / Hope. What is the fair thing to do any advice?

I'm so sorry for your pain. It's really strange what gets into people when they make their mantra FREEDOM FREEDOM at all costs. It's incredibly painful. <p>Well, if you haven't already, read as much as you can on this site about Plan A - the rules of marriage and love busters.<p>As far as moving out... being in the same house as family is very difficult. Is there any other option for you at this point? Can you get a six month lease on an apartment? You will not be able to change your wife... you can change and focus a bit on yourself and try to become the person God intended for you to be... and one that YOU are happy with and excited about being!<p>It's shocking right now... but try to take it one day, one half day or one hour at a time... focus on what is next... read as much as you can... start thinking of what you may have done (reasonably... not all her accusations) to contribute to this impasse. Do NOT worry about what others think... that is not in your sphere of influence. <p>Read, pray and ponder thoughtfully on gaining your life back... it sounds like it's spinning out of control... (I say this not having mastered this myself... but I'm trying to gain the upper hand on my own life too, so I know a bit what you're feeling).<p>Take care!<p>Nicole

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

Thank you VERY much (Nicole and K) for taking the time to give me your advice.<p>I will keep praying and hoping for the best and I will read and learn everything that I can.<p>One question though. How would I know if she is having an 'emotional affair'? Chances are that she is since I have noticed that she blames me for not being like some of her male friends (and sad to say.. the comparison relates to material things, although I know that the main reason for our marriage becoming 'dull' was emotional).<p>I also know (since I asked her and she finally told me) that some of the days that she did not come back home she stayed at one of her male friend's. <p>She tells me that she is not having any type of affair, and I truly believe her (Am I fooling myself?)<p>To keep things worse she has been expending lots of $ without letting me know (we had an agreement that if we wanted to buy something with a value of more than $200 we would consult each other before buying it, and honestly I have kept my word). <p>I have not asked her about the $ though, I am hoping she will tell me (and besides, it is just $)<p>I don't want to sound as if I was a saint of some kind of saint; since I am not, but believe me, this has been the worst month 1/2 ever.<p>One last thing.. She tells me that one of the reasons why she wants to get separated is for her to be able to 'find' how it feels to be without me, to be able to date, etc, etc,. How should I react?<p>Again, any info/advice/comment on what to do would be greatly appreciated. Help!<p>D.

Wow... well I'd suggest you get this booked by Lee Raffel called, "Should I stay or Go: How Controlled Separations can save your marriage."<p>click here http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_10_1/002-2291515-6551230 <p>I hope this helps. You might also read the book "Surviving an Affair" as it gives the conditions that describe if your spouse is having an affair. It's a great read and has great suggestions and helpful advice.<p>All the best!
Nicole