To those of you who remember me from a couple of previous posts, I survived the holidays. My husband moved out the Thursday before Christmas but I made it through by staying busy and spending time with family and friends. My youngest son will be home with me through New Year's but then I'll be alone. I've never been entirely alone before (always married before or had children still living at home). I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle this separation; it's very lonely when you're accustomed to having people coming and going. I miss my husband, but I stuck to my guns that he/we go to counseling or it was over. I know I did the right thing, but I can't help but miss the good times we had together. I bought a car yesterday, and started the paperwork to re-finance my house today. I know it seems kind of quick to be doing this, but my husband doesn't like any lose ends and left me no choice. <p>I feel like the wind has been knocked from my sail, but I hope that's a temporary condition. I'm going to try and take some time to find out what I really want from life and hopefully down the road find someone to spend time with. Hope everyone else survived the holidays too and may the New Year be a better one for everyone!!!!

I survived. It sounds to me that you are taking care of yourself well and you have a plan to help yourself. that is a good thing, just hang in there and take things as they come.

Congrats on the new car - <p>Feels good doesn't it!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Keep making those strides - and when the house gets too lonely - just go out for a soda or a walk - it helps.<p>Hugs,<p>Jan

Helga,<p>I am so glad you checked in and let us know how things are going. Your husband runs from responsibility. It's obvious by the way he gave up so easily. He's done this with every marriage he's been in. You were just one of his victims but now you are choosing to not be his victim any longer.<p>I read this thread a while back from Seeking Joy/Jan and thought of your husband and mine...<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=007067<p>Doesn't that sound just like your husband?<p>Take care and good luck with everything. <p>ANNA

To Anna: I read the thread from Seeking Joy and it was very insightful. My head is still spinning from all that's taken place in so short a time. It was like my husband "loved me with all his heart" (his words) one day, but once I gave him the ultimatum of getting help or it was over, it was full steam ahead for him. He moved out and started finalizing all the details within days. I thought he might have taken a little time to think everything over, but I was wrong. I guess he's gotten use to just pulling up stakes and starting over. In ways, I do feel sorry for him because I think he will continue to go from one relationship to another looking for happiness, but unwilling to change or get help for his inability to control his temper which ultimately manifests itself as rage. I don't understand why he doesn't accept that there might be a problem after being married five times and none of them lasting longer than a few years -- ours was probably the longest at six years.