Hello everyone,<p>I hope that someone can share your experience with disputed child custody. I am a MBer who usually posts on GQII. My son is the BS. He is reaching the point of giving up hope for his M after an all out Plan A for nine months. His WW has temporary custody of their three-year old son. She was "with" the OM as recently as a week ago.<p>My question: What specific actions can a father take to have the best possible chance of gaining custody of his child following a divorce?<p>FYI: DIL has been diagnosed as bipolar and had an abusive childhood. She is barely holding herself together. The counselor says she has big issues to deal with. She does want to be a good mother. She just doesn't want to be a good wife. <p>Thanks in advance.
Estes

Your story stuck me because i seem to be in a much related situation. I X of 4 months now was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder at a very young age. She had many terrifying childhood experiences and has attempted suicide on a couple of occasions. She is almost 6 months pregnant with my child and has refused to speak with me at all during the pregnancy and i was actually told by one of her close friends last night that she may not ever contact me. I have been expecting this to occur and have done alot of research so i could be prepared. She wants more then anything to be a wonderful mother but has no concern for our relationship or for our child to have a relationship with me. As far as custody goes i only plan on filing for joint custody. In your case going for full custody is a much more difficult task. I have spoken with lawyers and friends who have gone through this type of thing before and the only thing i can really do in my situation is prepare. Luckily my X-wife and I are very good friends (X-wife = differnt women) and we share a daughter together. I was told that since we are on such good terms that it would be a good idea to bring her to court with me and explain to the judge what kinda of father i really am and that I am very capable of providing a loving envirnment for this child. Another thing I plan on doing is giving her money from time to time to help with the baby but paying with a money order and keeping the copy of the money order to present to the judge. I also plan on turning myself in to the child support agency seeing as i was told she was not going to take child support out on me and has been telling the doctors and her friends she does not know who the father is.... I pray for her everyday and for anyone else who is going through the same problems... Lets love our kids and provide for them the best possible way we can....

VintedVooDoo:<p>Thank you for sharing your story. Aren't you worried about your child being raised by a mother who is not well emotionally? In our case, no one questions that the illness is not her fault or that she loves her child and wants to be a good mother. But it does seem that both your W and my DIL are having difficulty coping. What effect is that going to have on your child and my grandchild? <p>My son will file to be the custodial parent with joint custody. DIL could see their son as often as she wants. There is no intent to keep her away from the child. My son it truly the more stable parent. During their separation DIL has on several occasions asked son to come get their little boy because she was so stressed that she couldn't deal with him. <p>What does it take for a man to build a case for custody based on emotional instability of the mother? He knows the odds are against him. Does he keep a journal documenting examples of unstable behavior? Does he need to find a doctor to give a professional opinion? Is the fight worth the stress and expense? A child's emotional health may be at stake.<p>Your XW's situation sounds so sad. You appear to be a very compassionate man. Your children are truly fortunate.<p>Good luck,
Estes<p>One other thing to consider. Is someone carefully following your XW's illness and treatment? Post partum depression is a big risk for her and the baby. My DIL suffered from PPD which in part led her to seek relief through her affair.

sole custody is very difficult in most states, document everything he does with the child all the time he has child what he buys the child, times he picks up and returns, what you are looking for is inconsitence in her taking care of or providing for the child, for example, if he has child for days at a time or child is dirty or unfed, if she is doing all the things she should as a mother then the best you hope for is joint custody. You son really needs to think about this and secide is child better off with him or does he just want revenge. don't use a child to try to get to her.

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

jabber and my life,<p>I appreciate your replies. My son just wants his child to live with him. He doesn't want to keep him away from his mother. DIL could see/have their son anytime she wants. Son thinks that is important. DIL is out-of-town several days at time for her job. When she separated, she and child moved 600 miles away from my son. She has a history of moving often. Son gave up a wonderful job and home to move to be near child. What if she keeps moving?<p>It is so unfair that the unstable, adulterous parent can get custody. She once even said it would be great if she could work and son could stay home with their little boy.<p>Thanks for the advice.
Estes