Hello friends,<p>Well I've been on this site for 2 years now. Originally I started on the General Questions and have stayed here since the divorced forum side was created.<p>Today I signed on and I haven't been here in so long, I see so many new names, and no doubt, many sad stories that may go with those names. I wish there weren't so many new people who join us, but I am glad they may find peace here like I did.<p>So , 2 years ago, I found this site, just a few days after Christmas, in 1999. My ex left us on Christmas day, and a few weeks later I confirmed the affair. I never expected this place to follow me for 2 years like it has.<p>I've made so many good friends and supporters here, its hard to stay away at times!<p>With the divorce complete, and exH having proposed to OW, I decided to stop focusing so much on the divorce, and the affair, and start focusing on me for once. Being a single mom of 3 daughters, that is hard, but I am happy to say I did it!<p>I just finished my first semester of college (the second time around) and I got 4 A's, and a 4.0 GPA! I am very proud of this because my ex would not support my decision to go back to school, or my interest in computers (who knew it's be my life saver thru this all).<p>I have 3 more semesters to go, that is due to many transfer credits from my first degree, but it's going to be a long year, just like the past 4 months, but I am going to finish it, I know that much.<p>This Christmas, was the second Christmas since exH left and it is still very hard. Seems worse at the holiday time. I have this strange need for closure that I still haven't felt, and at the same time, I accept the whole thing most of the time. <p>I had to take a break from here because there were so many new names and stories, and I really was doubting that a good marriage existed. I don't know anyone in my life who has not had these same problems as everyone here.<p>It can be discouraging at times, but for now, I'm focusing on my kids, my business and school,and at 29 years old, that is plenty!<p>I am dating again (very carefully this time) and I'm very cautious about letting my heart and emotions get involved. I also am trying out the long distance thing and so far it seems to work well for me, but I can see it won't always be so fulfilling. As I let my guard down, the distance can be an issue at times.<p>I don't know who will read my post since I've been gone for so long, but I hope that anyone who is new here to the forum, will find just as much peace, love and friendship that I found when I came here. <p>I don't know how much farther I am from 2 years ago, some days I'm so much stronger and wiser, and other days, I feel like I'm still immersed in the issues that his betrayal has caused. But I know that I'm not alone, and that does help.<p>Sending a warm wish for a happy (or happier) new year to everyone, Dana B

Hi Dana--<p>I do recall your original posts (under another screenname, right?) You may not always feel stronger and wiser than you did back then, but you sure sound like it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am so glad to see all is going so well for you...gee, and a 4.0 avg, wow! Congrats, and may 2002 bring you more good things--<p>Kathi

Hi Kathi,<p>Long time no see, yes, that was me! I also used to originally post under lonelymom, back when I first found out. It seems so long ago, then at times, it feels like it just happened. Funny how emotions still come and go.<p>Thank you for the reply, I worked very hard on those grades (too hard) and my two oldest girls age 10 and 8, both got all A's on their report cards, and the youngest, age 4, just started preschool (thankfully, she has no homework!).<p>Hope all is well with you, hugs, Dana

YEAH Dana!!! I am soooo proud of you on those grades..I know You worked VERY HARD to get them!!!<p>My stbx didn't support me going back to school either..but I start back in Jan..YEAH for US!!!<p>Just know that even though HE didn't support you..
WE DO!!! And I know that being a single mom of three kids is hard..doing that one too..and my kids are excited about my going to school and having homework just like they do..and they see
how hard it is for me doing the mom thing, and going to school, and working..so they say they will work to get good grades so they can go right out of H/S one of them has about 5 years and is doing great in school now..she made the A, B honor
roll for the first time..and is really putting school first now..so I am seeing that she is learning from what I am going through..(wish I had paid closer attention to my mom when I was younger, seems I am walking in her shoes now, some 24 years later, when my dad left, and she went back to college, w/ 4 kids at home, worked, and everything, sad how history is repeating itself)
but, I know she graduated and did very well and I know that I will too..just as I know that YOU will TOO!!!<p>We can be each others support group and cheering section as we go through this!!!

Hey Dana:<p>CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! A 4.0? I'm so happy things are going well for you. I don't come here often anymore either. The girls and I are doing pretty good. I just rejoined the ranks of being a homeowner again - bought a patio home and I LOVE it. My personal life has also improved quite a bit recently, if you know what I mean. Take care and email me sometime.<p>Ashley

{{{Dana}}}<p>Way to go! A 4.0 is fabulous! Another thing that it may do is help you to get scholarships, I went through my degree on scholarships for good grades, certainly helps!<p>You are stronger and headed in the right direction, I personally am expecting 2002 to be better than 2001! Best wishes to you!<p>Lori

Hi Dana,<p>You are my lifesaver lady. If I could give you a dollar for everytime I referenced that thread you and Kevin gave me about the stages of grieving, you'd be rich!! <p>Congratulations on your grades and moving on. I admire your ability to strive forward and think of you often. <p>Again, thanks so much for helping me. I share your thoughts with people here at MB every week (at least 4 times today alone!!!). [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I wish you well on your future endeavors. <p>Take care,
L.

Dana,
Way to go!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Keep up the great work, on yourself!<p>Bob

YOU ARE AWESOME!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hugs!!!!!

Dana - you are doing so well and I am very proud of you. You are taking charge of your life. I'm so glad you are taking time to do things you need for your own life and taking time to heal your heart, get to know yourself, and get ready to move on to a new, more wonderful life.<p>((((((((((((((((((((Dana)))))))))))))))))))))

Dana, how wonderful...School has become a refuge for me too.. An it is a great example for our kids that we can OVERCOME the heartaches that life throws our way.
My divorce is still not done with but maybe by Feb. it finally will be.
Change is hard...and sometimes we fight it too much..I know I did...but taking the leap of faith has opened by eyes to a new meaning of faith...
Best wishes and like my counselor said hahaha WE will make them youngens...work harder because they know WE are serious about our education!!!

Hi DanaB!<p>It's been almost 2 years for me too on the MB site....I found it about 3 months after D-Day (11/99) and it has been a lifesaver.<p>I too feel like I've learned alot and grown thru all this, although some days I still shake my head in wonder. How could this have happened? It still makes me sad to this day.<p>But people make choices and my STBXH made his choice. While I didn't want it, I was forced to come to terms with "what now" for my life. And at 45, that's not an easy answer to answer! It's been a hard road, but I feel that God has brought me thru the worst of it and I look forward with hope and expectation to the future.<p>I'm not quite divorce yet, so therefore not dating yet, but believe me, when I do, it will be sloooooow and easy too.<p>Way to go with your schooling!! Keep you eyes on the Lord....he'll keep guiding you thru that and everything else in your life.<p>Aloha and Hau'oli Makahiki Hou! (Happy New Year)
Ms.O

I'm new to the boards, only been here since beginning of Dec.2001, I read your post, That's amazing, 4.0, All I can say is good luck, and keep up the good work.

My goodness... it has been quite some time! Doubt anyone will remember me either! I haven't been here lately as well... you are right, there are so many new names.<p>I am so happy for you! a 4.0!!!! WAY TO GO!!! You can do anything you really truly want to.<p>Just wanted to wish you (and all that are here) a very happy new year! May 2002 bring you more peace, happiness, and all the wonderful things that you deserve!

Dana,<p>Good to hear that good things are happening in your life. Here is to you - hoping that 2002 brings you all you wish for and more! You are doing a great job!<p>Take care, Desiree

((((((HUG))))) to all my friends<p>I didn't expect such a response after being away for a few months, I'm surprised to see so many people still "lurking" in and out.<p>To TR = we will definetly cheer each other on, and best of luck with school! I am worried about the history repeating itself, my parents are still married, but now I am the broken link that my kids might follow, especially since a group of us were just talking about Family of Origin.
[img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Ashley - I tried to send you some email recently and it came back. Congrats on the new home...and the improvements too!! Go slow, be cautious and remember all our crazy mistakes we shared from our first improvements too!<p>Lori - long time no see, I hope you are doing well. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Orchid - HI! the funny thing about that grieving pattern, I think I worked all the way thru it then backwards to square one a few months ago. I'm working thru it yet again, still trying to get complete closure on some things, and still trying to learn all I can about relationships, personalities, divorce, and healing. Hugs to you!<p>Bob - Hello friend! Sorry I missed out on that Christmas gift idea email, you caught me right in the middle of finals... did you at least get her some chocolate or bubble bath?? Those are always going to work! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sheryl - Hi! How is married life treating you ? I hope you are doing well, you have my email address, keep in touch!<p>Cinderella - Thank you for all the encouragement and emails. Thank you for being patient with me all the times you sent me IM's and I wasn't online!! Thank you for the cranes and I packed them up with my ornaments for next year too! I hope your new job starts soon~<p>Tyra - I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. I remember you tried to avoid it, and went thru many issues. I hate to hear when Plan A doesn't work, or Plan B either. Wishing you peace and strength this year. Hugs [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Torizo - Welcome to MB! I know I'm a little late, I used to try to reply to new people once a day, then I had to break my withdrawal cycle and get out and live my life a little!! This place can be addicting , but it can be a lifesaver too. I know you will find much strength and many great friends here, just like we all have. Thanks for writing [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Java - Hey girl, long time no see! I sent you a forward on a group email too and I am pretty sure it got kicked back, it was a JavaAllNightLong email, but I might have deleted it now. How are you? Have you been posting? <p>Desiree- Again another person I remember from "way back" when I first started coming here. I guess I'm not the only one who comes back, or stays for a long time. Wishing you much happiness in the new year!!<p>Hugs to all, Happy New Year!
Dana

Hey Dana!<p>Glad to hear that things are going so well! My 2 year MB anniversary was Dec 26th and it passed without me even noticing! Amazing, huh? <p>I sometimes wonder how we made it this far! Time certainly does have a way of healing all things.<p>Major HUGS to you!<p>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Dana,
I'm glad to hear you are doing so well.<p>A couple weeks ago my H, Guard, threw all of the printouts from when he was posting on MB...I of course rescued them and read them. I usually never re-read old posts because I think anything I've forgotten is a blessing. But, you were there, and one of the more cheerful posters to him, since I had alerted some MBers (bad Lor!)that my H was posting and they...er...had some things to say on my behalf.<p>Time really has passed. Guard & I are doing well.<p>Anyway, a belated "thank you" for being kind to my H. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hello Dana!! I remember you and alot of the other oldies- I used to be Trs and started out on MB Nov 2000-when Ex H walked out. I know what you mean about the holidays-this was also my second time around. We divorced in June of 2001 and H married OW less than two weeks later-yes they are still married and live about a mile away-BUT thankfully I do not see them often. I start classes back up this weekend and am also going for my degree-it was either that or get another job. Its nice to see some poeple still lurking. Your advice is always helpful Dana and you are an inspiration. Thank you for your story you showed thats its okay to still have down days and that there are up days and a bright future ahead! God Bless!!

Mitzi - I haven't heard from you in so long, it's so good to see so many people actually doing "ok" , and even better after all we went thru. I think that is GREAT that you didn't realize your anniversary date here! I know I'm too sentimental that way at times [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Hope your boys are doing well!! Tell them I said hi.<p>Lor- Hi! I'm very happy to hear of a success story around here. This place can be a blessing. I still believe we are all human, all make mistakes and even thru the worst, a marraige can still rise to be better after one of these experiences. In my case, my exH wanted nothing to do with me, and I had no choice but I've tried hard, and still struggle with regrets. I am happy to hear that you and Gaurd are doing well, that is good that he got rid of the posts too though, sometimes you just have to let go completely. Prayers to you both for a long and happy marriage [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>TRS - I remember you, why did you change your name?? Going back to school is so much better than a second job(if you can afford it) because at the end of a few years, you have a new degree, a new goal in life, and an accomplishment! Then you can go on to a new job , one that you afford to only work one job! That's my goal. I still work about 50 hours a week, but I'm hanging in there, thank God I'm still somewhat young enough to handle 4 hours a night sleep! At 29, and losing an 11 year relationship, being divorced and single mom of 3 kids, it's been a long 2 years, and the best thing I could have ever done, besides find this place for comfort, is to go back to school!! Good luck and keep us posted!