12 yr old son when mad calls MOW a "B" (name for female dog) suprised me with a "B" word for his Dad at first I thought he didnt know what the word meant but he told me (its a child that doesnt have a D), our son is very sweet & has never said a bad word, he has not meet MOW but saw her at local hospital where she works & has told me he would hit her if she comes near him he is a big boy over 200 lbs for 12yrs, refuses to talk to Dad about the D or tell him how he feels about him, our son gets too upset & will start throwing up if you talk about D, he does talk to me about how he feels about Dad & MOW & told me that he will not see his Dad anymore if he marries OW or sees them together so far Dad has kept her away from him by not taking him to his home where she lives, he takes our son to his parents house on Sundays, talked with him about calling names & its not right but he is hurt & blames MOW for taking his dad away, Ive had to tell him she is not the only one & dont blame her. Im afraid it will get worse when the finial hearing is 1/22 he wants to go & see if his dad will finially tell the truth its a open court room, our son is also afraid his Dad will try to change the visiting date which is Sun. only & will have to be there to talk to the judge. Should I try to get help now for him or will it pass with time? how do you get him to talk with Dad, this has always been a problem telling me one thing & dad another, he says he feels more comfortable talking with me. We had a great time xmas spending time with my family, we talked about moving back home so he can be with his older half brother, he only talks about missing his best friend not his Dad if we move, court date is coming up & Im at peace with it, not worried just want it over, have to go to health dept on the 7th to find out about tests, since my STBX slept with so many found out MOW isnt the only one he parked policecar outside stores & waited for the local trash to come along, H friends & local store workers told me it didnt matter what they looked like if they were easy he slept with them & NO he didnt wear any protection for some reason H thinks that if they were married they were clean? need to know if he gave me anything, Dr at Health dept told me it could show up years later, great way to start a new year out, looks like I may be getting a aids test yearly.
m-17yrs
D-soon
c-12,28,gd-7
MOW-10yrs
D-soon
C-3small

Hve you considered a "Big Brother Program" or other mentor program???<p>It may help if he can talk to other males???<p>P.S. I hope you realize that you have been blessed to be getting free and starting over again. His appetite for trash has nothing to do with you...that is his baggage... Just take care of you.<p>CE

thanks I never thought about another male, I really didnt have any of my own friends but my STBX friends they were on the force with him & dont know any other males, all my family members are 7 hrs away, he does feel comfortable with our pastor but Im afraid he wouldnt want him to know about the name calling.

I called my sons school ,he is a 4th grader, and I talked to his teahers and told them what we were going through at home.. his school has a counselor.. they starting letting him come in or go to the counselor when he got mad.. or upset.. they also called me and offered to give him a mentor.. which has been awesome for him.. a stable good male model.. also we hang out with my parents a lot... also I put him in individual counseling and starting encouraging him to see and love his dad.. even though dad is doing all this crzed stuff..<p>It helped.. well.. anyway.. he has started to say he doesn't want to be part of it.. evident he misses dad.. and my attempts along with cousnelores, etc.. have hlped him get along better with dad... think he still sees the truth .. I do not want my son(s).. younger one is only 3 and too young to understand.. anyway.. don't want them to think what he is doing is ok in any way.. but they can see right from wrong.. at least 9 yr old can.. we are also getting stronger in church.. <p>I know it is crzy but I let my son express his anger.. even call ow bad word.. to hell with it... I sd you can call her a bad name.. probably bad idea/// - and I sd just around mom...<p>ANyway... my counselor advised me to ask him how he feels about all that is going on and just listen to him.. let him talk to you.. be a safe place where he can talk and be himself...listen and understand him.. we all need that, don't we === I hated to see my son start to warm to my H after being so protective of me and angry at dad// but it really is better for him to have good relationship.. I will still be here to teach right from wrong.. and he still sees what dad is doing to all of us..<p>thanks and luck to you...HONEY

You can not afford to waste any time in getting your son some help. Don't think that this will just pass. The child is in great emotional pain. His heart is broken. (Would you ignore it if his leg was broken?)<p>Talk to his school. They may be able to provide some counseling services or make a referral or recommendation. <p>Do not wait. <p>And Honey is right with trying to provide a "safe place" for him to talk. Listen to him and help him work out - by appropriate means - what he feels. <p>If money is an issue in getting counseling, your church may be able to help - often times churches provide free or low cost counseling to people in crises. Also, your community mental health agency may be able to provide services. <p>Call them now!!!!

Hello, Misst!<p>I'm new here! Your message caught my eye...ah, another law enforcement officer!<p>Was your XH in law enforcement before you were married? What happens to these people over time? Do you have any theories?

STBX was Navy Chief, retired 2yrs ago, best friend is chief of Police, he got him the job as police office also covered for him while the A was going on but couldnt cover up him in the act with MOW outside city limits in patrol car, it went straight to the mayors office, H quit his job 12-1-2001 he knew when the mayor got cell phone bills he would be fired, A was done while on duty, he now works for the state in mobile al. as a parole officer. Being in a very small town my son has heard all the stories about his dad & the many women he has been with. STBX doesnt want his son talking to anyone about the A he feels it will only keep the local rumors going on. Our son goes to a church school & will be asking his pastor to talk with him, he is the only person our son has talk to about the A, son wont even say a word to friends when they ask about what his Dad does he just tells them not to ask & lately has started talking bad about all police officers in town how stupid they are.
m-17yrs
d-1-22-2002
c-12,28,7yr old gd
MOW-10
D-pending
C-small boys

We have a lot in common! My H's, too, affair got very messy and public. Why do they think they can scr*w around on the job and not get caught? The only saving grace is this town is quite large and my son, while I think he's aware of the situation, has not been publicly embarrassed by it. Your poor son...I certainly understand where he's coming from. I am very well adjusted to this, but I am tempted to flip off every police car that I pass. My H was not this way 15 years ago...I think the low standards and morals and rampant machismo can rub off on even the best! Your son has a right to his feelings, though. I think both our kids will need a therapist, and I will be as supportive and non-judgemental with my STBX as possible, but H will have to accept and deal with consquences of his relationship with his child. After all, it wasn't just the spouses that the cheaters did this to.