<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

My H at first seemed to want a D to justify being with another woman.. of course mine says same thing DIvorce is in no way related to OW, OW just a sign of our problems which so many of are caused by ME... in his words.. caused by YOU... boy how quickly they forget how much we have loved them through the good and the bad...<p>had their children with our own loins , etc. etc.. I recently watched town and county on my new dvd player several times.. kind of funny movie about affairs.. but the H in the movie goes back to his wife.. .and really is sorry in the end.. he loves her and he is sorry... WOW, what a revelation.. my WS says my LB since the affair have been so bad, he does not trust me anymore... or feel safe around me.. etc etc.. he insists he wants to buy this crap of a rental house he lives in and I could come live there.. but never in our home again.. BOY OH BOY>>><p>ANyway.. he wanted to share new years eve with me which is a miracle in itself so I will be going to see him.. at his house.. and I hate that word.. I hate to hear my kids say daddys house. etc etc.. it is so sad...<p>I am with you , and you poor dear you are PG, it is awful to have a man do this to you... I know.. I care, and I am sorry ... do your best plan a.. .and maybe as reality starts to hit.. and he and the OW start to see that thier life will not be a bed or roses either which eventually it will not.. he will see you are the mother of his children and the one who has loved him all these years.. MEN>.. what are they thinking.. or NOT THINKINg.. sorry about the sorry OW in your life.. I know they can be relentless.. HOPE something hits him in the head.<p>Protect yourself.. actually legal protection might be good for you right now even if you do not want end result to be the big D.. he will get to see the kids less, and probably.. hopefully be obligated to give you more money.. with 4 kids, he should be pretty much giving you quite a bit especially if a dr.<p>I am sorry he is being such an a-hole.. I know all about it... Love him as much as you can while he is an alien... if you want him back.. take if from me.. even though the lb's are a great release.. it is better to release your anger here on the boards.. just let it spill or beat up a pillow or cry your heart out.. but don't let him be part of your anger or sorrow.. it just drives them away.. be your happy self you were that he fell in love with.. <p>I was reading a book about what men want.. and it sd something today that caught my eye..<p>WOMEN who draw back from their men and give more space get their EN's met by their Hs much more.. becuase the Hs have to come to them to get their needs met.. sad but true.. do not wear your heart on your sleeve, and I am sure your emotions are high.. there are lots of people out on this site that have more experience than me.. I am an lb poster child.. .i even beat up the OW.. and I am not normally violent.. it has just taken me over with all of this.. I pulled her hair and scratched her when I was suddenly in a bad situation.. it was AWFUL and then they filed police charges against me.. my H and his lovely wh--re... it was really the twilight zone.. let me tell you.<p>Be patient.. time will tell... creme always rises to the top.. you may not like the situation but you can like yourself in it.. be strong.. people here are here to support you. <p>HUGS< honey

Hi-
I am new here, but your post sounded like it was me writing! My H left in Aug. Said he didn't love me anymore and I found out 3 weeks later that there was OW. We were married for 20 yrs and have known each other since high school. He says that the OW had nothing to do with him leaving. This is a joke because he was making plane reservations to visit her on the day that he left. Cell phone records show that he called her while we were on our vacation which was 2 weeks before he left. I was told that I needed to separate the reason he left and the OW. He said that he would have left anyway. It is now New Year's Eve and he is still with her and she is moving to our state. I am shocked that she would move across the country to be with a married man. She also has a young child. He was the very best Dad---but he is doing a really pitiful job now. I thought that the fog would have lifted by now. We have filed for divorce--I would much rather still give this marriage a try. Even after all of this time and some crummy things that he has done and said. I can't do Plan A--I think that I have kind of been doing plan B without knowing it. But how do you not talk to him when you have kids?? I am sure that I did all of the wrong things when he left. Like I am experienced in this kind of thing---I am sure that I pushed him away further. He has cried many times when I have talked to him, but not in the past month and a half. I don't think that he will ever come back. I have enrolled in school and I have lost 30 lbs. I am trying to get my life on track---but 22 yrs is a long time. This is my first New Years alone---EVER! My kids are out tonight. I had to push them out the door because they didn't want me to be alone. This was very difficult. I am open for suggestions and some insight from anyone that is going through the same thing.
Happy New Year [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>