Hello gang,<p>I haven't read or posted much lately as the boards were getting pretty depressing. The same problems and the same pain over and over again.<p>Well, the WS XW called last night. She broke down crying. She was wishing me the best and didn't want any hard feelings. She said that she hopes I find a good woman, but we were just not right together and she'd felt that way for years. She wanted to make sure things stay fair as far as our daughter was concerned. (I have primary custody and we have a 50/50 arrangement right now.) I could tell things were not quite right lately. She moved to be near the OM because she said she was unhappy where she was and recently was talking about her big raise and how she didn't want anything from me and could basically take care of herself. I guess the honeymoon is over with the OM. Either she got too clingy, which she can do or he's cheating on her again. (he was cheating on her while she was cheating on me) Maybe there's no challenge left for him. I figure she was going to spend New Year's Eve alone.<p>I had mixed emotions. On one hand I was glad that things aren't peachy with the OM and on the other was concerned about her. Another issue lately is when she calls, our daughter doesn't want to talk to her. I haven't pressed my daughter as to why. I never ask about her mom or the OM; therefore, I'm reluctant to do so now.<p>A little history; affair going on 3 years now I think, she wanted divorce in November 2000, she moved out on Dec. 1st 2000, divorce was final April 16th, 2001, had one failed reconciliation (she started contacting him again).<p>I think that if it would end with the OM and she had time to get her life straight and maybe could start a healthy relationship with someone else, I could see being friends with her for our daughter's sake. Right now, I just avoid her.<p>This came at a time when I was feeling kinda vindictive about the affair and the OM. I wish her well, but not with the OM.<p>Oh well, life moves on.<p>Maybe this will pick up some spirits around here.<p>Kevin

Kevin,<p>I'm curious. Have you healed? are you in therapy?
Have you adjusted to the 50/50. My divorce will be final in 02/02.<p>I haven't set the proper boundaries. I let him come and go as he pleases and just yesterday decided enough is enough...If he want the divorce to be final..than I have to act like a divorcee.<p>Shutting door is hard,but nothing will change if I don't. I just miss him so much athat I take whatever time he gives us. It's so stupid because
my life would be so much better without him.
How do you cope?

Hey Cover Girl,<p>Healed, yes, pretty much. Therapy, no. I've been on these boards a lot over the last year and they definitely help; best therapy there is I think. It's been a little over a year now since the XW left. Adjusted to the 50/50, yes, very well. It will work fine while my daughter is young, but I know it will have to change in the future as she will want to spend the majority of her time with her friends. We'll figure that out then.<p>Cope? At first you don't. Hurts like hell. It does get better and better over time though. My marriage seems like another life now.<p>Kevin